I Didn’t Get a Chance to Say Goodbye

Many people don’t get the chance to say goodbye when a loved one has passed, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still say goodbye. This post explores how you can.

 

Abe

Abe

Pat writes:
Last January, I lost a good friend, Abe, at the nursing home. He was dying. I planned to go see him that Monday but my autistic son, Aaron, had a 24 hour meltdown, so that kept me busy on Skype and the phone, on the Sunday before. Aaron called me at 1:30 am on the phone Monday and I finally told group home to give him some meds so he could settle down. He went to sleep at 3 am.”

“Meanwhile, while I was trying to get back to sleep, I had a vision of Abe looking at me with his big puppy dog eyes. I could not get him out of my mind. Wondering if this was the end for Abe, I asked my departed son, Dustin, to meet him when he crossed over…and told him to bring Kenny with him. Kenny was Abe’s former room mate who passed in 2017.”

“I did not go visit Abe the next day because I was going on 3 hours of sleep, so I slept most of the day. When I did go in on Tuesday, I found out that Abe had passed away early (3 am) Tuesday morning.  I felt bad because I missed saying goodbye to him on Monday, due to no sleep.”

Crossing over

Crossing over

Commentary- Having the opportunity to say goodbye to a loved one is an important part of healing. Being able to say goodbye brings a certain amount of eventual closure to the grief process.

Many times we get that precious chance to be person to person, while we say our very last words to one another, but unfortunately, sometimes we do not. And… often times, this disappointing reality is met by feeling some version of “bad” about the fact that we were not there.

However, we shouldn’t add regret, guilt, shame and even more sadness to an, already, sorrowful situation. It’s not helpful to anyone. When a loved one passes and we didn’t get a chance to be there to say goodbye, we often start thinking in terms of should of, could of and would of, derailing everything that we actually did while our loved one was alive. Being kind and reasonable to yourself is a good way to honor your departed loved one. They wouldn’t want you to beat yourself up over it.

In situations like this, the best perspective to have is that… life is not that simple. 

As we go about the details of our day-to-day lives, which takes a certain amount of self-absorption, we have no idea what is going to happen, when and to whom. We certainly don’t know the exact time that death with come for any one of us next. It is what it is, so it’s important that we be objectively reasonable.

The amazing thing about Pat’s experience is that she did get a chance to say goodbye when Abe came to visit her. Although it wasn’t a physical one, it surely was a spiritual goodbye, which, in my opinion, is way more meaningful and miraculous. What a gift he gave his dear friend.

However, if you did not have a spiritual manifestation from a departing/departed loved one, before or after death, you can still say goodbye! There are two main ways to do this. One is super easy. The other is a little harder, but you might need this one to feel like you have actually made contact. (Both are really easy)

  1. The super easy one. Although our departed loved ones no longer have the physical ears with which to hear our words, NOW, they are empowered with consciousness in which to perceive our thoughts and feelings. Write down what there is to say to them, what you would have said if you were there in those last final moments, then simply say it to them. Out loud or in the privacy of your own thoughts.
  2. The harder one. Follow #1 but do something special in a special setting. In other words, some people do much better when they set up some sort of ritual. They tend to believe it more. Some rituals include, going to their gravesite with flowers and a poignant letter to read. Perhaps you gather special items belonging to your loved one to put on an altar of some sort, like a gravesite. This is a place to go to visit them, in your thoughts and express your thoughts and feelings.
  3. And… another bonus one. There are so many ways to say goodbye, or even not say goodbye if you’re not ready. But, I just thought of another one that is on my website called, Higher Self Communication. Higher Self Communication can be used to communicate with beings on Earth or in Heaven.

The goal here is to make it easier to deal with a loved one’s passing and the process that entails. The grief process in general, is a healing process of getting complete with one’s losses. It takes time to heal these injuries, as there are many layers to work through.

Within the larger perspective, although we never actually say goodbye to our loved ones, saying goodbye after an Earthy passing is just one way to acknowledge our loss of them in the Earthly realm, allowing us to get complete with what happened. This is what happens in our brain’s healing process and is a must if we are to move forward.

But… just because you may say goodbye in this life, it doesn’t mean you don’t say hello in the next. Love is the bond that binds us together. We are always connected.

Saying Goodbye for now

Saying Goodbye for now

Processing Grief Through Writing

In processing her grief over the loss of her husband, Rich, Kathy writes a book of their last and fateful trip to the Bahamas, as seen through the eyes of her cocker spaniel. 

Kathy writes:

Rich

Rich

“My husband, Rich, died 4 years ago while we were on a dream trip to the Bahamas on our Pearson 385 sailing vessel. It was to be the start of a great retirement, but our trip changed course and altered our lives forever. Rich became septic and a short 4 weeks later he was dead.”

“I had this idea in my head to write a book that chronicled our last and final trip down the west coast of Florida, the Keys, and the Bahamas. I had done a blog along the way and needed to add some more chapters and elaborate a bit on the contents. The results “CJ, BITTS, and a BOAT, An Adult Cruising Adventure.” It was published in March of 2019.” Continue reading

Our Angels Watch Over Us

Cat experiences several after-death communications for a variety of reasons, but mainly to urgently warn of impending hereditary heart disease in the family.

Catherine writes:
“In 2017, my fiancee, Robert, died in my car in a tragic accident, after which I got several very clear after-death communications.” Continue reading

Rising Above It All- The Power of Perspective

Rising Above it All- A powerful but simple tool of perception designed to give one clarity, direction, freedom and peace of mind. 

Have you ever been stuck in a hazy fog of non-clarity that is so thick that you can’t see the best way to proceed? Have you ever struggled for understanding and wisdom? Continue reading

Survivor’s Guilt (Part Three)

In part one, Survivor’s Guilt was defined, common symptoms were discussed as well as a few examples. In Survivor’s Guilt part two, we took a closer look into the mechanics and dynamics of Survivor’s Guilt and what causes humans to become so deeply psychologically affected, along with new ways to think about it. Continue reading

The Serenity Prayer as a Tool

“God grant me the Serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.”

The Serenity Prayer was originally written by theologian, Reinhold Niebuhr, in the early 1930’s. This first verse captured the message Alcoholics Anonymous found helpful to adopt, it continues to be used to this very day as a familiar source of empowerment. Continue reading

Asking for a Sign

As an answer to her request, departed Marcus makes his presence known to Karen on Valentine’s Day, when he shows up in a most unexpected way.

Karen writes:
“Lately, I have been really missing Marcus, and the signs he sometimes sends to reassure me that he is around. I have found myself looking for the typical signs he has sent in the past; like license plates, heart clouds, a feather, pennies, etc. But although I have been searching for them- I know that signs don’t always happen on demand.” Continue reading

Thought Perception

In this after-death communication, Ken receives help from his departed loved one, Jon, while making a batch of cookies.

Ken writes:
I have been feeling Jon near me lately. Funny thing is, I was getting out ingredients from a cabinet to bake cookies. I kept digging around for the brown sugar. I couldn’t remember if I used it all or put it somewhere else, so I decided to bake another kind. Continue reading

A Promise to Heal

While deep in grief over the loss of her beloved partner, Marcus, Karen receives a sign of hope in the form of a dream that shows her a brighter future. 

Karen writes:
“Many times, I just want to go to the spirit world because I miss my loved one so much. Of course, since I have two sons, I feel very guilty about even thinking this. I don’t have any suicidal tendencies or plans, but I will talk to God and say, “I am ready anytime” or… I simply relish in the fact that every day is a day closer to getting to go to heaven. I love my family and my life, but as you know, it is just that painful of a loss to lose a soulmate.” Continue reading

A Legacy Worth Leaving

As I watched the televised funeral of President George Herbert Walker Bush, and also with the recent passing of my Aunt Catherine, I was reminded about what matters most in life. No matter who a person is, whether it is someone you know from afar, like President Bush, or someone that you have known and loved your whole life, like my Aunt Catherine, in the end… it’s not about how successful one was. It’s not about how much money one had. It’s not about how many material possessions one had accumulated in a lifetime.

Continue reading

Can Spirits Affect Electricity?

Maybe you’ve noticed flickering lights at interesting moments? Have you had electrical issues that don’t make sense? Can spirits actually affect electricity in order to communicate with us? Quantum Physics have proven time after time that, at the most fundamental level, everything is made up of energy. This includes everything… the physical and non-physical. Continue reading