In part one, Survivor’s Guilt was defined, common symptoms were discussed as well as a few examples. In Survivor’s Guilt part two, we took a closer look into the mechanics and dynamics of Survivor’s Guilt and what causes humans to become so deeply psychologically affected, along with new ways to think about it.

Last, but not least, part three provides some recommendations with which to begin to deal with the complicated, painful and ambiguous Survivor’s Guilt, as well as, ways to begin the healing process.

As you begin your individual path toward healing, it’s important to remember that you are not just suffering from Survivor’s Guilt, you are grieving. You may go through all the steps of a regular grief process. You might skip some too. It depends on your particular situation and circumstance. Just know that you are in a process. Think of it like an automatic washing machine that has some settings that include time, temperature and speed. When the washing machine is turned on, it has the appropriate cycles it goes through. But then, having gone through all the appropriate cycles, the cycle comes to an end.

washing machine cycles

Sometimes the cycle is quick and light. Sometimes it is set to pre-soak, then moves on to general washing. Sometimes the temperature is manageably lukewarm and sometimes it is unbearably hot and uncomfortable as you wonder if you can take another second of it. By the time you’ve gone through a few of those settings, a few spins and many agitations in between, the cycle eventually comes to a stop.

Now, ordinarily, we don’t feel bad for our clothes that are being washed, but you’ve got to admit, as people, it would not be so fun to be in that particular cycle. But like the wash cycle, you can see that our grief cycle is similar. We go through the process and when we are finished, we are finished. But… not until the cycle comes to a natural end.

We go through many processes in life, if we even notice that they are processes at all. Some we would call good, and of course, the grief process we usually call bad.  But really, if we back up for a bird’s eye view, It’s really just called the process of life. The nice thing to remember is that even our grief processes eventually die, too.

Here are some suggestions to think about as you move forward on your healing path-

• Accept that you are in life’s process. Sometimes you will like it, sometimes you will not, but it is a necessary part of experiencing this life to the fullest, and to know what it is to be a human that is being fully immersed in the human experience.
• Accept whatever you are feeling. You are not wrong for feeling it. Feel your feelings. It won’t kill you to do so, but might if you don’t. I’ve found that it’s the stuffing, hiding and ignoring of feelings that catch up in some form, that might do harm.
• You are not alone. Although it is so common to think you are the only one experiencing these feelings, or that others could never understand, it’s simply not true. Being human means that you go through stuff. Even very bad stuff. It’s all part of the deal. If you begin to talk to others around you, it’s not hard to find out the traumatic events many others have had to bear. Life is not easy, but with support, you will see that you are not alone.
• Get a support system or a support group. Talking about it is what’s needed. You are traumatized and need to get it out. Allow help from outside. There are many caring people who will try to offer support. Then… there is you, allowing it for yourself. You must allow support from yourself and others.
• Talk to a specialist and/or someone who has been through the grief process and has successfully healed. That person can show you how to get through your process and out into the light again.
• Go easy on yourself. It’s okay. There is nothing wrong with you. You are imperfectly perfectly human. You can’t change that. Give yourself permission to be a regular human like everyone else.
• Give yourself time, realizing that it takes enough of it to heal. Grief processes cycle at different rates, degrees and durations. Grieving is a part of life’s process.
• Realize that you have been traumatized. Please do not make any hasty decisions until you are on solid emotional/mental footing.
• Breathe. It’s okay. This is life. It’s good and bad. You can get through this.
• Start a practice/discipline that is healthy, uplifts and rejuvenates the spirit/soul.
• Using the Serenity Prayer as a tool and mantra is a great way to remind yourself of your limits. You can even create your own unique mantra for whatever you need it for, whenever you need it. See Mantras… Tools for Empowerment.
• Be an emotional/mental alchemist. Have the practice of turning something bad into something good. Give honor to the sacrifice of the one/those who was/were lost. (They are not really ever lost, by the way)
• Instead of dwelling in fear, dwelling in faith is a more peaceful place to be. You can feel how different the energy is in these two words and ways of being. Faith is the opposite of fear.
• Keep a journal of your thoughts and feelings. Sometimes it just helps to record your deepest and darkest thoughts. This kind of articulation allows you to see more clearly. Remember though, these deepest and darkest thoughts and feelings are only for reflection and absolutely not to act upon.
• If you are suicidal, get help immediately. There are trained people who can help you now. Here is the link to my resource page- https://griefandmourning.com/resources/emergency

There is no doubt that what you are going through is challenging, if not downright devastating. I am so sorry about that. Hugs. There is help for you.

Refiner’s Fire

Please know this- You are valuable. You are precious. And most of all… YOU are innocent. May you receive all the support you need to get through this.

Forged in the fiery furnace of tribulation, you will become even stronger because of it. YOU’VE GOT THIS!

My very best,
Jade

You might also like-
Serenity Prayer as a Tool
Stages of Grief
Mantras… Tools for Empowerment