Abe

Pat writes:
Last January, I lost a good friend, Abe, at the nursing home. He was dying. I planned to go see him that Monday but my autistic son, Aaron, had a 24 hour meltdown, so that kept me busy on Skype and the phone, on the Sunday before. Aaron called me at 1:30 am on the phone Monday and I finally told group home to give him some meds so he could settle down. He went to sleep at 3 am.”

“Meanwhile, while I was trying to get back to sleep, I had a vision of Abe looking at me with his big puppy dog eyes. I could not get him out of my mind. Wondering if this was the end for Abe, I asked my departed son, Dustin, to meet him when he crossed over…and told him to bring Kenny with him. Kenny was Abe’s former room mate who passed in 2017.”

“I did not go visit Abe the next day because I was going on 3 hours of sleep, so I slept most of the day. When I did go in on Tuesday, I found out that Abe had passed away early (3 am) Tuesday morning.  I felt bad because I missed saying goodbye to him on Monday, due to no sleep.”

Crossing over

Commentary- Having the opportunity to say goodbye to a loved one is an important part of healing. Being able to say goodbye brings a certain amount of eventual closure to the grief process.

Many times we get that precious chance to be person to person, while we say our very last words to one another, but unfortunately, sometimes we do not. And… often times, this disappointing reality is met by feeling some version of “bad” about the fact that we were not there.

However, we shouldn’t add regret, guilt, shame and even more sadness to an, already, sorrowful situation. It’s not helpful to anyone. When a loved one passes and we didn’t get a chance to be there to say goodbye, we often start thinking in terms of should of, could of and would of, derailing everything that we actually did while our loved one was alive. Being kind and reasonable to yourself is a good way to honor your departed loved one. They wouldn’t want you to beat yourself up over it.

In situations like this, the best perspective to have is that… life is not that simple. 

As we go about the details of our day-to-day lives, which takes a certain amount of self-absorption, we have no idea what is going to happen, when and to whom. We certainly don’t know the exact time that death with come for any one of us next. It is what it is, so it’s important that we be objectively reasonable.

The amazing thing about Pat’s experience is that she did get a chance to say goodbye when Abe came to visit her. Although it wasn’t a physical one, it surely was a spiritual goodbye, which, in my opinion, is way more meaningful and miraculous. What a gift he gave his dear friend.

However, if you did not have a spiritual manifestation from a departing/departed loved one, before or after death, you can still say goodbye! There are two main ways to do this. One is super easy. The other is a little harder, but you might need this one to feel like you have actually made contact. (Both are really easy)

1. The super easy one. Although our departed loved ones no longer have the physical ears with which to hear our words, NOW, they are empowered with consciousness in which to perceive our thoughts and feelings. Write down what there is to say to them, what you would have said if you were there in those last final moments, then simply say it to them. Out loud or in the privacy of your own thoughts.
2. The harder one. Follow #1 but do something special in a special setting. In other words, some people do much better when they set up some sort of ritual. They tend to believe it more. Some rituals include, going to their gravesite with flowers and a poignant letter to read. Perhaps you gather special items belonging to your loved one to put on an altar of some sort, like a gravesite. This is a place to go to visit them, in your thoughts and express your thoughts and feelings.
3. And… another bonus one. There are so many ways to say goodbye, or even not say goodbye if you’re not ready. But, I just thought of another one that is on my website called, Higher Self Communication. Higher Self Communication can be used to communicate with beings on Earth or in Heaven.

The goal here is to make it easier to deal with a loved one’s passing and the process that entails. The grief process in general, is a healing process of getting complete with one’s losses. It takes time to heal these injuries, as there are many layers to work through.

Within the larger perspective, although we never actually say goodbye to our loved ones, saying goodbye after an Earthy passing is just one way to acknowledge our loss of them in the Earthly realm, allowing us to get complete with what happened. This is what happens in our brain’s healing process and is a must if we are to move forward.

But… just because you may say goodbye in this life, it doesn’t mean you don’t say hello in the next. Love is the bond that binds us together. We are always connected.

Saying Goodbye for now