Moving Forward After Loss

In a moment of deep sorrow, Lynda’s departed husband, Jason, compassionately reminds his beloved wife, that he is not his ashes. 

Lynda writes:
“Last summer, I went to my cabin where I left Jason’s ashes. That’s where he loved to be. I had not seen them since I put them in the box the year before. I usually just hug the box they are in, but this time, I had a desperate need to see and feel his ashes through the plastic. I was hoping it would give me some closure. I miss him very much.”

“The first night, I sat and watched a movie with the bag on my lap. It was very comforting. The next day, I found myself hugging the bag of Jason’s ashes and crying. I kept telling myself, “It’s not him” and that I needed to let go of his physical remains. Then, I heard a voice in my head repeating, “It’s not ME!” This seemed odd, as I had ME, telling myself that it was not HIM. It was so clear that I immediately felt it was Jason, and he was with me, and affirming all this, which was very comforting. I still can’t bring myself to spread Jason’s ashes yet, but have been thinking about it.”

“I’ve also spent a lot of time clearing out my garage and basement. I kept getting a tingling on the back of my neck that makes me shiver really hard. I have never experienced that before. I talk to him a lot there, and it is a comforting feeling.”

Commentary- It’s coming up on two years since Lynda’s beloved husband, Jason, crossed over from this world to the next. Although she’s spent time grieving, Lynda’s pain is still fresh, as she continues to work her way through the many layers of loss and grief.

Although she somehow manages to carry on, her life is much different now. She spends her days keeping busy, as this staves off the relentless pain still lying beneath the surface. She misses Jason deeply, as he will always have a special place in her heart, mind and soul.

Having the need for some closure, Lynda went to her cabin to hold Jason’s ashes. There… she put them on her lap, she held them, she hugged them as she cried and expressed to him her feelings of love and loss. So, it is no surprise that, upon perceiving this, Jason compassionately chimed right in, to remind his beloved that the ashes she was focusing on, were neither him, nor where he resides. For sure, Jason was with his wife in her struggle that day, and for sure, he heard her pleas and tried to comfort her.

Although we may have physical remains to hold, whether they be ashes, clothes or other material remnants once owned by the departed, and they provide some comfort, to have and hold for a while, there is also something very sad about having these remains, while knowing they can never replace what was lost. But we hold them nonetheless.

Lynda still holds onto Jason’s remains, that’s okay, there’s no rush. When the time is right to let go of his remains, she will know and it is only for her to say. When one is in the midst of a grief cycle, there is no such thing as just being able to move on. That would imply skipping the vitally important steps that could get one over the bridge of chaos and upheaval to one’s eventual healing. There is no moving on, there is only moving forward. And sometimes, it’s one step forward, two steps back. But nevertheless, go through the steps with grace, whatever they are for each individual, and only move to the next step when completely ready. If this step of the process is pushed too fast, the result might be adding additional emotional grief, such as guilt and regret, unnecessarily heaped on an already painful set of emotions to work through. 

 Lynda mentioned experiencing a tingling feeling of being touched while she worked in her garage and basement. This was not Lynda’s imagination and is something commonly felt, if one is attuned to feeling it. When a spirit touches you, it is their actual energy field that is making contact with yours. When this happens, there is no mistaking it, as it is strong enough to get your attention. It could feel like a bug is on your skin, that you may try to brush away, yet, there is no bug in sight. The spirit touch has the sensation of a soft energetic electrical field, hence the tingling. You can even stare at it while it is happening and see nothing, but the feeling of this amazing contact of warmth and love is definitely prominent. This type of spirit touch is to inform you that your loved one is with you. 

For a few days, while I was corresponding with Lynda about some of the details of her post, she informed me that, after all this time being reluctant about spreading Jason’s ashes, just yesterday morning, she started to get the strong feeling that she would be able to do it soon. Her intuition showed her a particular time and place and the people who would be gathered. As it would happen, family will be in town at such a time. If Lynda is indeed ready at this time, it would be a great time, for those who love him, to celebrate the life and afterlife of Jason. If she’s not ready yet… then, she can always change her mind.

Hmm, though, it does seem that Jason could be involved with this inspired thought, and prompting Lynda. I’m certain of this, because… also in our correspondence, I was telling Lynda that when I work on a post, I am so focused on that departed loved one, Jason, in this case, that many times, they will show up in some way, shape or form, by giving me a direct empathic experience, an insight of understanding or even direct messages channeled through me for the bereaved.

So… later, when I wrote about the part where Jason repeatedly told Lynda in her head, “The ashes are not ME”… surprisingly it happened. A message in the form of a Valentine’s Day poem from Jason came through my mind and hands as I typed it out. As it turns out… Jason is a poet. For Lynda, he writes…

“I am not my ashes, they are no longer me.
I am much more now, than I could ever be.
I’m not confined to places, as I am all around.
But, always in your heart, dear, is where I can be found.”

One of life’s greatest miracles is that it is possible for us to eventually and completely heal from the deepest devastating pain that can so brutally upended our lives. It’s miraculous that we can move forward from our losses with our love for each other, intact; Lynda on the physical side, Jason on the spiritual. They still continue to have the bond of love for each other, as death has not upended that.

And although the remains of our departed are important for a time, the greater version of them is boundless and can never die. In this world of short-term pain and tears from our losses, it is the long-term view of hope and strength that will take us through to the rest of our lives, until through tears of joy, our love will reunite us once again.

To read about grief and ways to deal with it, please click here.

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Heart Image:Pixabay

13 thoughts on “Moving Forward After Loss

  1. Crystal on said:

    Thank you for sharing about Jason and the comfort you have found in his words to you.

  2. Karen Peirce on said:

    Very very sweet! I love this!
    Sending light and love,

    Karen

  3. Eric Willden on said:

    That’s cute. Nice poem, just in time for valentines. This is a good reminder that objects only hold the significance that we give to them. There is no object with inherent significance.

  4. Michele Callos on said:

    Thank you so much for sharing. March 24th will be 4 years since I unexpectedly & very suddenly lost my husband . And May will be 1 year that I lost everything of his, including his ‘ashes’ in a devasting fire. I feel completely lost without my husband’s Urn/ashes. I was to the point where I thought I could spread his ashes, but now, not having any, I feel like I am back at the beginning of my grieving all over again.
    I wish you nothing but the best Lynda. I will keep you in my prayers…..

    • I’m sorry, Michele. That must be so painful for you. Hugs.

    • Thank you I can’t imagine losing his ashes I’m so sorry that happened to you.

  5. Caroline on said:

    I believe in visitation.i keep of having dreams which look very real.mydaughter passed away and since then she keep on visiting me in my dreams.when i wake up i feel so happy just it seemed very real..like the last dream she held me tight told me she is healed and not sick anymore..when 8 have not dreamt of her for sometime i feel sad and pray to God to bring her in my dream .and it does not take long .this is how i have thrived since she passed on….dreams

    • I’m sure she will come again. Perhaps you may feel her in other ways too? Maybe just a thought that comes into your mind, a familiar scent that reminds you of her, a sign, a message from her through another. There are so many ways they speak to us, but know this- your beloved daughter is with you always. Could love do anything else?
      Thanks for commenting. Hugs to you and your continued loss.

    • I’m glad she comes for visits. It is very healing when they do. Thanks for sharing, Caroline. 🙂

  6. Michelle on said:

    Hello. I lost my mother in 2009 and I still grieve for her. Everyday I cry. It is so very difficult to go on without her and the reality that I will never see her beautiful face, hear her sweet voice, see her smile for the rest of MY life breaks my heart into millions of pieces. I don’t feel her presence and I wish I did. I wish so much that I did. Why can’t I feel her? I don’t dream much. I don’t sleep much. Concentration is hard for me. I love her to the moon and back. She was and is the most wonderful mother God could have blessed me with. She was the light that saved me from my darkness. Now I am lost in my darkness. She was the only one who would come and find me and bring me out. Her face, her smile, her voice or just the touch from her hand made everything all better again. I could fight my depression, bi-polar disorder and the other disorders that I have! I’m sorry. I am just rambling on. Thank you for sharing! You made me smile through my tears. God bless you and God bless everyone who is feeling the pain of loss.

    Michelle

    • Hi Michelle. Thank you for sharing your feelings here. I’m so sorry for you loss and that your pain continues to this day. Although you might not feel her, she is with you. Could love do anything less? No doubt she loved you with no bounds while she lived in this realm. No doubt she loves you even more now. Of course she is with you, watching over you. Without any evidence, please know that she is with you. Then, you might begin to see it. Hopefully soon. It’s never to late to have an after-death communication. Some people have waited 20 before experiencing one. I know this would go along way toward your healing. Blessings for this to happen. Hugs to you.

  7. Valerie on said:

    I found my fiance and love of my life, Steve, passed away on our living room floor early morning, August 21, 2019…he had proposed to me one month earlier. We had a love people dream of. I feel a loss that I can neither explain or move beyond….some days I have trouble moving at all. I loved him beyond words, but, our hearts had their own language that we laughed about not quite understanding. He had said his world would be so empty without me….I now completely understand. I want the “me” that passed with my sweet Steve. I am in no hurry, but, am looking forward to when we reunite for the forever we had dreamed of.

    • I’m so sorry for your loss. Hugs. Thank you for sharing your loss with us. It’s such a difficult thing to go through. So sorry.

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