Category Archives: Loss

Loss is a part of life, whether it’s the loss of something cherished, such as a ring or the loss life from a person who was loved. In this life, though we lose sometimes, we also gain, too. Our job is to accept that both loss and gain are a part of the human condition.

Higher-Self Communication

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There are times in our lives when we want or need to talk to a particular person in order to complete something of importance, BUT, actually doing so… may seem too difficult for us, if even impossible. Reasons for this lack of communication may include:

  • Not knowing the person well enough, so approaching them could be awkward or even embarrassing.
  • We speak different languages.
  • We’ve lost contact, with no way of locating them.
  • This person may live too far away, and maybe, even so far away that they are no longer on this planet.
  • The person we want or need to speak to isn’t in a good position to be contacted by us, or… if we did contact them, perhaps they would refuse to speak to us, or hear our message.
  • Or maybe… it is even our own pride that prevents us from speaking with them.
  • The one we want to speak to is an animal.

But, it’s possible that this is the most difficult one of all…

  • It could be that the issues between the two are so sticky, that every attempt to sort things through leaves those involved with an attitude of defensiveness and frustration, causing both to walk away while throwing their arms up in the air in sheer resignation!

You may have experienced this before. Completely discouraged by the many attempts to communicate, but to no avail, and now… you’ve finally given up the thought and hope that this issue between the two of you could ever be rectified.

But… whatever the circumstances are, it ends the same; you are left with the sense of the incompletion that continually hangs over your head, just begging to be resolved and put to rest.

More than likely, what you really wanted or needed to tell this person was something that you never got a chance to say; for example: to give an apology, to ask or accept forgiveness, to straighten something out, to make a request or to give them your love and/or blessings? Or maybe, you just wanted to be heard and were uncertain that you ever were in the past.
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Grief and Mourning Distinguished

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Grieving statue

Grieving statue -Photo credit: unknown

“Grief” and “mourning” are words that have been used interchangeably to mean the same thing. But, the fact is, there really is a very important difference between them.

Grief is an emotional reaction/response to loss. Grief tends to follow a common pattern of emotional states, such as shock, confusion, denial, anger, sadness, rage, depression, isolation, to name a few, and…not always in that order. If grief is experienced fully and allowed to unfold naturally, the process gradually leads one to some sort of acceptance and peace with the matter. The grief process is the brain’s way of dealing with a matter it can’t completely comprehend in the moment; so it takes time to sort through it all, be patient with yourself. If a death has been sudden or completely unexpected, comprehension is even more of a struggle, for we operate as if death is somewhere, clear out there, far off on the horizon. The truth is… we really don’t know how far or close death is to us.

Loss is not just about losing someone we love, to death. We may experience intense loss from losing a relationship, our sense of self, our job, our home, our freedom, our health, our dreams or a limb, among many other things that we hold precious and important. Whether great or small losses to us, these examples can seem like a death, that will require a certain amount of grief and mourning, to be determined by the individual who is experiencing the loss. But whatever the loss, remember to give yourself some space to heal properly. Many emotions will surface, to be explored. From my experience, feeling these emotions is much easier than trying to survive them by pushing them under. Buried emotions never rest in peace; like zombies, waiting quietly and thought dead, they will raise themselves up again at the first chance of provocation.
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In Memoriam Of Christian

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… whose life and untimely passing inspired the creation of this site. (Written in March 2013)

Christian, In my heart, I bring you flowers.

Christian, In my heart, I bring you flowers.

It was three years ago to this day that Christian, just twenty-five years of age, suddenly and unexpectedly passed away from a hemorrhaged arterial vascular mass in his brain. Fortunately for him, the painful process that led to his death was short-lived, as the time from onset to his passing only lasted approximately 45 minutes.

Although the process of Christian’s painful death was quick for the loved ones left behind, our painful experience of losing him was just beginning. Even though we were still alive, it was a kind of death for us made manifest in our attempts to live on without him.

Christian was an amazing contribution to this planet. His countenance radiated acceptance, patience and unconditional love. Whenever I got impatient or offended by someone’s words or actions, with the utmost of wisdom and compassion Christian would turn to me and say, “Choose love.” It was a bumper sticker he was referring to- one I picked up for him when I visited a Hindu Ashram in Taos, New Mexico, just 6 months earlier. But… it was also who he was and how he lived his life.

Christian’s death was shocking to those who knew and loved him. The impact of this loss left many to wonder why this amazing light upon the Earth would be taken at a time when the world needed light the most.
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Overcoming Fear- Facing Inner Demons

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Cartoon about comparing Inner Demons

Cartoon about comparing Inner Demons

They’re Ba-ack! I thought I’d already sent them packing once and for all, but apparently they didn’t listen very well. One thing is for sure; they expect you to listen perfectly to them! That’s why they come to catch you in a weak moment… and cornering you within the confines of your own head, relentlessly recite your past mistakes to you; like you somehow weren’t already aware of them! They tell you why you should or shouldn’t have done what you did, followed by a judgment… or five about it! You know, those errors you made in the past when you were young and less experienced. Or… even just yesterday, when you were unaware and didn’t consider every other possible choice than the one you did, and because you didn’t, this left you in a bad spot.

Maybe you’ve noticed them before… those critical voices in your head, that, like the mob coming to extort, yet, another payment from you, badger you, sometimes in a soft and subtle way, and sometimes in a loud and abrupt one. But either way, it all ends the same… they want you to pay for something. Even if you have already paid before, they forget… or don’t care… and come back for more! Their favorite currency is in the form of your guilt, shame and regret. So, unless you are blissfully unaware, conscience-less and don’t care, or have already learned the secret to making them stop, then… welcome to this awesome human experience! (kidding off course)

Throughout time, these disparaging voices have been referred to as, “the critical parent”, “the judge and jury”, “the committee”, or “inner demons”, just to name a few. And because they can be so damn mean, leave some convinced that these “mental tormentors” are really “outer demons”… as who would really do this to oneself?
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The End Is Only The Beginning

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My incredible out-of-body experience while attending a past-life regression seminar in 2010, in Denver, Colorado, as published in Dr. Brian Weiss’s new book, Miracles Happen.

Dr. Brian Weiss at a conference I attended

Dr. Brian Weiss at a conference I attended

Preface-
I attended one of Dr. Weiss’s past-life regression seminars in 2010 in Denver, Colorado. Only seven months prior to this event, I lost my dear Christian to a sudden and unexpected death. It was the worst thing I had ever experienced and it left me a basket case, with so many painful thoughts and questions. At the same time, I had also spontaneously remembered a tragic past life with Christian, that had ended in a similar fashion, which left me feeling even worse.

Because I was so distraught about these losses, Christian’s aunt told me about Dr. Weiss and recommended that I go to an event, saying that maybe I would find some answers or at least feel better. I looked him up and read his books, and they gave me some peace of mind. But when I found out that he was going to be as close as Colorado, I took the opportunity to travel and attend his event. My experience there has helped me so much by changing my perspective.

A face in the clouds of consciousness

Past life regression consciousness

My Actual Experience-
It was the first regression of the day after Dr. Weiss had introduced himself and prepared us for what might be expected and experienced within the context of our time with him. When he put us into a deep state of hypnotic regression, of course I expected to go into a past life, just as I had done times before while listening to his regression CD.

I remember that he had just come to the part where he gives the suggestion to go back to the earliest childhood memory, which I did. Like a child, I found myself in wonder and anticipation of the adventure I would soon discover when he took me back to a previous life. What past-life clues and remnants would I uncover? What would they teach me about my life and myself?
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Simple Pleasures

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In this after-death communication, Elizabeth gets a surprise visitation when she wakes from her nap on one unsuspecting day,  .

Materializing Spirit

Materializing Spirit

One late afternoon while watching the television in her study, 88-year-old Elizabeth drifted off for a nap. Later, when waking up, but still in that fuzzy state of mind that exists between dreams and wakening, she opened her eyes to see the solid full-body profile of a man facing the dimming light still shining through her living room window. In the next room, only 15 feet away from her, she could hardly believe what she was seeing! Looking closer, she realized that the man her eyes were now sharply fixed upon, was her late husband, Robert, who had died just a few years earlier.

There he was, smiling, as he proudly put on that old favorite jacket he had always worn and loved, but had left behind, along with his body. Elizabeth, seeing the joy in Robert’s face as he donned his old favorite rag, and how fondly he remembered it, was glad that she hadn’t given it away to the thrift shop after his death. Then, within seconds, Robert began to fade, until he disappeared completely.

Commentary- The hypnogogic state is that hazy fuzzy state that is experienced just between sleep and waking. It is rather like the portal that connects this world with the next. Because of the blended realities in this portal, this is a prime time for visions and visitations from another world.

It was appropriate that Robert was facing away from Elizabeth, as not to scare her to death by looking directly at her. But it is possible, because of his lack of attention, that Robert wasn’t aware that Elizabeth was awake and watching him, or even there, for that matter, as his focus was solely on his old favorite jacket.

Although this after-dead communication was short and sweet, it was enough to let Elizabeth know that her beloved husband, was existing somewhere, just beyond this realm, and still enjoying the simple pleasures that this life provided.

The Exit Interview

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Normally, when you hear the words, “exit Interview” you think of the final survey conducted when one is leaving a job or organization… but this “exit interview” is something quite different.

“The Exit Interview” is a excellent personal inventory tool that assists two main groups of people; those nearing the end of life’s journey who are preparing themselves for the afterlife, AND… those intending to leave their past behind who are preparing themselves for starting of a brand new life – while still in this life! Although the destinations may be a little different, the process of leaving the past behind through completion is exactly the same.

When seriously reflected on and completed in it’s entirety, “The Exit Interview” is a powerful process that allows one to consciously face their past by way of observation, assessment and realization. This new awareness leads to the discovery of what, if anything, needs to be handled, settled and/or restored, before one is completely satisfied in moving forward.

Full completion of “The Exit Interview” acts like a reset button in ways, by allowing one to free themselves up by taking the appropriate actions to tie up the loose ends that have been left undone, making those areas of your life complete. Carrying out the last words and actions directed at restoring what has been found missing and/or straightening what has been messed up, goes a long way in cleaning and clearing up the past.
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Never Far From Home

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Out of Body Experience

Out of Body Experience

In what seemed to be a very strange dream, I was standing on the top of a very tall building, on the top of a very tall mountain, and looking down… I saw a mighty fall below me.

There were two of me there. There was the one who was just about to dive off the edge into the dark abyss, and… there was the other – very concerned me, warning me, if I took the plunge, it would be suicide, and I would surely die. And… to that, a smiling me shouted out, “Oh, no I won’t, ’cause I can fly!” just before diving off the edge into the deep night!

Flying in an out of body experience

Flying in an out of body experience

I watched her in wonder as she fell through space, so graceful; head first with arms extended. Then, just as she’d said she could, right before hitting the ground, this spiritual Superwoman did indeed take flight in the direction of her choosing, and I became her!

 

 

 

Window to the "other side"

Window to the “other side”

Who knows all the places I flew that night, but… I do remember one place in particular. I found myself hovering before a large beautifully framed window. “How curious,” I thought, as I looked at its surface. It reminded me of the window at Wendy Darling’s old London home, where Peter Pan periodically returned fresh from an adventure in Neverland, to look in on those he loved.

When my focus shifted from the outer window pane, my awareness was now being drawn deeply through the glass. In contrast to the darkness all around me, the room inside was brightly illuminated. As I scanned the elegant room filled with, what seemed to be a modest gathering of beings, I saw Christian sitting there. I noticed how happy he was as he turned to look up at the person standing to his right; and as usual, his smiling face was equally as bright as any light could ever be!
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Still Rambling On…

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In this after-death communication, we see how the decisions and choices of even the most stubbornly made-up minds, can be changed with the influence of a departed loved one, still existing in the realm beyond.

Home for Sale

Home for Sale

It was approximately two years before his death, that Lola’s husband, David, became preoccupied with the idea of getting a bigger and nicer, but more practical home for his family. To him, this meant purchasing a Rambler-style home, that eliminated the extra stairs of their tri-level home, with a big finished basement where his sons could spread out. But Lola, happy with the size of her current home, and the cost of the mortgage, didn’t see the need for anything more. In fact, if anything, she wanted to buy a smaller home with less of a mortgage payment.

From the time Lola met David, and all throughout the years of their marriage, she knew him as a quiet, but strong, in charge, no nonsense, macho-type man, who was insistent on getting his way. To illustrate this point, Lola shared an example. While watching television together, David had the habit of changing the channel many times, and sometimes, even within the same five minutes! Lola, having accepted the fact that rehabilitation was out of the question for her serial channel changer, learned to watch with patience, every and all the parts of the shows that David chose to watch.
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Broken Marriage… A Fairy-tale Ending

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A girl dreaming of Prince Charming

A girl dreaming of Prince Charming

As a young bright-eyed girl, Emily had the promise of a fairy-tale life ahead of her. Born into a faithful Mormon family, she was raised from birth with high ideals and hopeful intentions. Growing up, Emily prepared herself for the day when she would blossom into a beautiful young lady, who would someday meet her wonderful Prince Charming, and together, live out their life in wedded bliss.

Prince and Princess kiss

A Prince and Princess

In true fairy-tale form, it would happen. On one unsuspecting day, their paths would cross; their eyes would meet, and enchanted by the spell of possibility, both she and her Prince would fall magically in love. As a worthy young lass, this Princess would finally be wed to her Prince, “for time and all eternity” in the Latter Day Saints Temple; her beautiful castle set upon the hill. Then, naturally, both would ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after.
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Christian on Safari

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From beyond the veil, and working again in a field he once loved, Christian, a former Computer Programer, assists his Aunt Elizabeth by restoring something lost on her computer.

Christian’s Aunt Elizabeth, who lives in Brazil, had a problem with her laptop that couldn’t be repaired. While Elizabeth’s daughter, Andrea, was in the United States attending a four-day course, Elizabeth asked her to buy a new Mac laptop to bring home to her.

At home in Brazil, Elizabeth was trying to figure out how to use this new computer, as it was much different from the one she had previously owned. She called to her son in the next room, but he couldn’t help, as he was studying for school, and had never used a Mac before either.

As she was clicking around, she thought she had deleted the Safari program that came loaded on the Mac. Panicking, and desperate to have it back, she thought of Rob, also known as Christian, and thought, “Certainly Rob would help me immediately.”
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Never Alone

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Ariel View at Burning Man

Ariel View at Burning Man

With a full heart and exhausted body, I recently returned home from my ten-year anniversary trip to the Black Rock desert, where over 60,000 people from all over the world made their pilgrimage this year to be “welcomed home” to Black Rock City. Grateful was I because of the love, beauty and transformation I experienced there. Exhausted, because I didn’t want to close my eyes for one second, for fear I might have missed something completely amazing.

The fun on the Burning Man playa- people having fun

The fun on the Burning Man playa

Burning Man… a dusty desert and magical land of radical self-expression, self-reliance and inclusiveness is where I sojourned for eight days of unbelievable adventure. Within this amazing city, the pouring out of love could be witnessed almost everywhere as fun-loving citizens contributed their time, talents, wisdom and creativity to the mix. The results? An experience of synchronistic magic, miracles and fun, where wide-eyed participants ventured off onto the playa with all the innocence of little children.
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“I Didn’t See That Coming!”

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“I didn’t see that coming” is a common phrase said by someone who has been completely blind-sided by the unexpected. In this case, the unanticipated loss of something cherished. It is the mental, psychological and emotional energy created from this loss that forcefully thrusts us into a tailspin of thoughts and emotions we would rather not think and feel!

As humans, we operate as though life is predicable, never thinking that at any moment there could be a huge interruption in it that informs us otherwise. But, what’s really so is this; life is made up of a series of many random events that we have very little conscious control over. Sometimes we go for long periods of time without one unpleasant experience, then… something happens… and maybe we experience a long string of them.
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Dennis Returns to Say “Hi”

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In an interesting after-death communication, Dennis returns to say “hi” to Susan.

A few years after her boyfriend, Dennis’ death, Susan’s father was in the hospital preparing to die. Susan, sitting with her father in his last moments before death, asked her father, “When you die, go tell Dennis to come and say hi to me so I know he is still alive… somewhere out there.” Not long after, Susan’s father passed away.

With Susan’s father’s death, there was a funeral to plan and attend, and busy with life, Susan forgot all about the request she made of her father.

About two weeks later, Susan had a dream. In her dream, Susan was driving her car down a familiar road when she saw Dennis, who was the driver in another car passing her in the opposite direction. Excited by seeing him, she said, “That looks just like Dennis!” But after having passed each other so quickly, she looked in her rear view mirror to continue her view. There Dennis was, looking back in his rear view mirror and waving “hi” to Susan as he drove down the road.
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