Hope After Suicide

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Wendy shares about a painful time in her life; the time her mother ended her own life. Wendy was only twelve and the oldest of five children.

It was an early morning on April 16, 1975, when Wally found his beloved 31 year-old wife, Linda, dead in a pool of her own blood. He screamed, then closed and locked the bathroom door behind him, trying to hide the scene from their young five children. Frantically pacing the floor, Wally asked his daughter, Wendy, to watch the kids and not to let anyone, under any conditions, open the bathroom door. While in his pajamas, Wally ran quickly to his Bishops house down the street to get help.

Shortly, after Wally and his Bishop returned, Marjean, the Bishop’s wife, swooped up the children to take them safely to her home. Wendy was just twelve years old. She was her mother’s right arm in taking care of her ten year-old brother, Cary, seven year-old sister, Marie, four year-old brother, Drew, and her baby sister, Annie, barely one year old.

Just six months earlier, Linda had suffered cardiac arrest and had been recovering from it ever since. At first, it was easy to infer that their mother died of a heart attack, certainly it was more humane to those who could not understand. But it wasn’t too long before one of the kids, the Police chief’s son, told Wendy what really happened. “She shot herself,” Brad said authoritatively, to which Wendy angrily countered, “No, she had a heart attack!” Then, Wendy went home to find out the painful truth.
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Vicky’s Glimpse

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After her father passes away, Vicky, along with her sister, experience a series of surreal moments and after-death communications involving him, confirming that he it still present in their lives.

Vicky writes:
“Last October, my dad passed away. He was 79 years old and had been ill for the past few years. He had diabetes, renal failure, prostate cancer and Parkinson’s disease. He had 2 mild strokes and was in and out of the hospital and rehab for the past 2 years. Finally, he had a massive stroke that caused his paralysis and coma, before he died. He did not want any invasive procedures; feeding tubes or life support. After the stroke that Monday night, he passed away after 2 days.”

“I live in Illinois, and my dad lived with my younger sister and her family in California. When my sister texted me that he was deteriorating, I decided to fly and see my dad, but the night before my flight, he passed away.”
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The Pact

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Jackie and Grandma make a pact together before Grandma crosses to the “other side.” In this after-death communication, Jackie receives a sign from her Grandma, proving that she really is listening when Jackie needs her the most.

Jackie shares the following-
“The majority of my life, I have had dreams that come true, seen things that others have not, and talked with deadlocked ones through dreams. A few years ago my Grandmother was dying of COPD. I visited with her very often in the final days. A couple of nights before she passed away, we were talking about this. She said she knew this about me. I confided in her, that, if after she passes and I am to speak out loud to her, that means I will be looking for a sign of her still being here, and… our agreement was that she will do whatever is in her power to respond in some way.”

“She did pass within that week. Nearly a year later, as we were approaching our first Christmas without Grandma. I was both sad and stressed that the holidays would soon be here, and knowing there would be no more Christmases with Grandma. I missed her so much. I was home alone and spoke out loud to my Grandmother. “You see, Grandma,…if you are here, this is it. I need a sign that you are still here and know what’s going on now. I will be looking for even the slightest of signs that you are able to show me that I’ve been heard.” Continue reading →

Be Happy Again

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In this after-death communication, Ardit appears in dreams to encourage Albana to move on and be happy again. His blessing paves the way for a new future.

Of her first dream, Albana writes:
“Ardit visited me one more time on December 28, which was 5 months after his death. We were at the cemetery. He was lying down and we all were crying over his death. Suddenly he woke up, grabbed my hand and said to me, ”Albana you should move on. You shouldn’t feel guilty that you are living – and you shouldn’t feel guilty to be happy without me.” Then I asked him, “Why don’t you come back?” His response was, ”Why should I come back in that world full of evil, intrigues and bad things? I am at peace here.”
Then he kissed me and left.”
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“It’s Okay To Heal”

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In this after-death communication dream, Crystal has a visit with her beloved Grandfather – an important male figure in her life, who through his love and dedication, was a stabilizing force and great source of comfort to her in such a turbulent world.

Crystal writes:
“My grandfather died at 92 years old on the morning of October 30, 2014. The last few years of his life he had experienced a gradual decline. He had been diagnosed with both prostate and bladder cancer. He had gone through radiation, but the cancer persisted and spread to his bone. At the age of 90, his doctors finally convinced him to give up treatment and go on hospice.”

“Several years previous, during open heart surgery, he died on the table. After the surgery, he described to the family an encounter he had with God. He spoke to God and asked to stay to take care of my grandmother, who is in a wheelchair after an accident several years prior. After the surgery, he lived with a very strong determination to be around to take care of her. He also had a personal goal to live to 100 years old. These two things combined kept him going a lot longer than anyone expected.”
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A Sign of True Love

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In an after-death communication, Albana begs Ardit, her deceased boyfriend, for a sign and in his sign to her, Albana receives a message of love from an unusual source.

Albana writes:
“Something strange happened. You know that I told you that I was begging Ardit to bring me a sign? Three days ago, my best friend, Nancy, had a strange dream. In the dream, one girl came and gave my friend a box. She said to her, “Open this box. Here you’ll find the definition of true love.” My friend opened the box and inside was a heart made of straw. In the heart these words were written, ”For Albana with love. Sent from Ardit who is watching over you.”

“But, my friend forgot to tell me this dream. It was two nights later she had another dream. In this second dream, I came and said to her, “Nancy, you have to tell me something important. Remember.”
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Ryan’s Scent

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In a series a back and forth emails, Melanie writes about some of her most pressing questions and concerns regarding her son’s passing.

Melanie writes:
“My son, Ryan, passed away September 22, 2013. Before his viewing and services, I
saw his face each day in the clouds. After his services, on October 2, 2013, he was cremated, and I have not seen his face in the clouds since.”

“One night, I was sitting, looking at his picture – just a crying. A scent came on my hands of him… of what he smelled like in the casket. It didn’t last long. About a week later, I was going to bed, and I noticed this odor was on my pillow when I went to lay down. I noticed this odor being much stronger than before. The following night, I got up around midnight to use the bathroom. I didn’t notice any odor then. It wasn’t until I entered my room again that I smelled the odor of many musty roses that filled my room. It lasted longer than any odor that has come. I knew this scent was different, but did not know why. Since that night, no odor has come again. I felt good knowing it was my son, but now I feel like he has gone and never to return to see me. Can this be?”

In an email back to Melanie, I answer:
“Your after-death-communication is beautiful. Your son wants you to know that he is trying to comfort you. Personally, I don’t think our loved ones can ever be gone; they are just without a physical body. I’ve found that they want us to adapt to living our life without them. Because we are in two different dimensions, it just makes it more practical. They want us to focus on our lives and not give up because of our loss and grief. Melanie, I believe that your son will always be with you, even when there is no direct evidence of him. He will guide you through your life. Could love do anything differently? It is our love that connects us together – despite our differing worlds or bodies. …I’m sure you have not seen the last of your precious son. Look for him in your dreams!”
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Together Again!

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Rebecca shares her mother’s after-death-visit with her grandson, Kenny, just before he escorts her into the next world with him.

Rebecca writes:

Kenny and Grandma

Another instance that happened to me after Kenny’s passing: My mom gave up her fight for life after Kenny passed. He was the first grandson born in our family and my mom and he were very, very close. My mom had a liver transplant in 1995 and received a ‘new lease on life’ and was able to enjoy her grandchildren. When Kenny passed, she gave up the fight to live. She could not understand how this beautiful boy, at 23, passed away and she was still on this Earth. My mom was hospitalized for about 5 weeks prior to her passing. Two days before she passed, she started talking about Kenny visiting her in the hospital. My mother was still lucid as she was reciting events that happened when my siblings and I were children – it wasn’t the medicine that had her seeing Kenny is my point. The last day she spoke was the full day before her passing. When I got to the hospital, I went to her side and held her hand. She opened her eyes and looked right at me, “Rebecca, Kenny’s here, he’s over there standing by the wall, just smiling at me….I think he’s waiting for me.” She passed away 12 hours later.

After my mom passed, I went to see a Medium. I was told that my mom’s spirit came through and wanted to ‘thank me for singing to her and telling her it was okay to go’ – both of which I did. The Medium explained to me where I was in the hospital room, what side I was standing on and repeated what I had told my mom. I asked her if anyone was there to greet my mother when she crossed over. The Medium said, “Yes, there were two male spirits – her father and her grandson.” (The grandson would be Kenny)
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Those Yellow Trunks!

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The following after-death-communication is from Rebecca, the mother of Kenny, age 23, a brilliant young man who passed in his sleep from an accidental overdose.

“I was awakened by my younger son and his father, Kevin, at 2:06 am on 7/7/12. Both were telling me that I had to get up and go upstairs. I refused, I had a strong intuition that something was wrong with one of my children (I have 3). Reluctantly, I walked upstairs to find 2 people from the Coroner’s office in my living room. I asked what they were doing in my house; I was told that my firstborn child, Kenneth Wayne McCormick III, my son who had graduated USC in 2011 and was living in Los Angeles to pursue his career, was ‘found by his roommates’ at about 7:00 p.m. on 7/6, a Friday evening. They told me what the scene looked like in his apartment and that’s about all I can recall. Somehow, later that same evening, I had closed my eyes in exhaustion and suddenly I was walking into my bedroom and there sat Kenny in a chair. I felt myself running to him and with a shriek I cried out, “I knew you wouldn’t leave me Kenny!!” Ken stood up and grabbed me into his arms and said, “Mom, I’m gone now.” The calmness in his voice compared to mine was astonishing. “What do you mean??”, I screamed to him, “Please, please, Kenny, I can’t do this!! Please will you come back??” He pulled away from me and said, “MOM (his tone was strong, stern) I’ll be back, but not for a long time because SHE said I had a lot of work to do.”

Kenny hugged me, and I felt his head (he had a perfect head), the hug was a “Kenny” hug, a bear-like grasp. He looked right at me and said that he loved me and as I was holding on to him, BAM!!!, I woke up; I was still left with the feeling of his touch. I suddenly heard my daughter say, “Mom what are you doing? You are hugging the chair and nobody is in it.”
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Healing From Death

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Albana writes to me of her deceased love, Ardit, when he appears in dreams, in two after-death-communications with Albana’s friends.

Yesterday my friend saw Ardit in her dreams. He was staring at a picture of us on the wall, and started crying, saying to her, “We were so beautiful together. How did I go like that and leave her alone?”

On another occasion, a few months later, Albana writes to me, “A strange thing happened. A friend of mine who knew Ardit, just from photos, saw him in her dream. In the dream, Ardit, me and my friend were in a room, but only my friend could see Ardit; I could not. Ardit told my friend, “Tell Albana that I am here with her all the time, and to not cry or be sad for me.” In the dream, I was wearing a pair of shoes, and when I walked they made a lot of noise. Ardit said to my friend, “Please tell Albana to remove those shoes, the noise is driving me crazy!!!!”

Commentary- It is not uncommon for deceased loved ones who want to get a message to the living, to go through other people; friends, family… and even perfect strangers. Perhaps it is the only way they can reach us at the time.
In the first dream, Ardit sorrowfully expresses his perspective on how fragile our existence in this life can be. He shares his regrets about the loss of “what once was”, and “what might have been.” Ardit’s words also point to the shocking eventuality that, even the “once living and full of life,” can so easily depart so suddenly and unexpectedly. Ardit’s words seem to indicate that, he too, is still adjusting to the newness of his death, and what he left behind.
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“I’m Not So Far Away!”

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In an after-death-communication, Justin magically says, “Hello” to his mother from the world beyond.

For fifteen years, of Justin’s almost 22 years of life, Justin enjoyed playing “Magic” card
games with his two brothers, Cameron, Daeton, and his father, Paul. After his death, Justin’s mother, Pam, began driving his car. Over a three-year period, she has cleaned out his car repeatedly. Just when she thought she had cleaned it out completely, a “Magic” card would mysteriously show up. Sometimes they have been found in a place she had just cleaned! One another occasion, a “Magic” card dropped on Pam from someplace above her. Pam can’t imagine there could be another card to find, but a few months go by and one shows up again! Pam is elated each time she finds something which reminds her of Justin. She knows it is his way of saying, “Hello! I’m not so far away.”

The last time she cleaned out the car, she found one of his guitar pics!

Commentary- Many times, tangible objects, having to do with the deceased will show up as a reminder of them. Sometimes it is clear that what is being experienced is an after-death-communication. Sometimes… it’s subtle, and therefore; not so clear… so we chalk it up to our imagination or wishful thinking. We may be afraid to believe, for fear we had just been fooling ourselves with such notions.

The brain is a physical organ that only knows of a finite existence, ending in the death of the body. Why would a brain believe anything outside of its experience, without having an open mind? It most likely wouldn’t, hence the disbelievers. But for those who have experienced themselves beyond brains and bodies, a continuation of life after death is a “No Brainer!” Pardon the pun!
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“The Mix” by J.V.

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It was just another weekend up at the cabin that Pam and Joe planned to entertain their friends. But because of a fluke allergic reaction to an antibiotic, Pam was unable to attend, so Joe went ahead instead. Also… not so coincidentally, Justin, Pam’s son, being blown off by his friends, was left at home as well. Nevertheless, the circumstances of events enabled mother and son to spend one last precious weekend on Earth together.

The date was Saturday, August 28, 2010, when Pam noticed an infected cut from a skateboard injury on Justin’s leg. It was when Pam attempted to doctor her son’s wounds, over Justin’s adamant objections, that the following conversation took place…

Justin, who was just a few weeks from his 22nd birthday, teased his mother, “You don’t think I’m going to get out of here without a few bumps and scrapes, do you?” To that, Pam replied, “Justin! The 30-year-old version of you wants you to take care of yourself!”

“Mom?” Seeming to somehow know he needed to deliver this message, Justin said, “When I die… I want you to donate my organs.” “Well, when I die”, Pam chuckled, “I want you to donate my body to a cadaver lab and save some money!” Pam’s doctoring never happened that day, but an important conversation had.

It was 4:30 pm the next day, Sunday, August 29, 2010, that Justin handed his mother a Cd he made for her, entitled “The Mix” by J.V., Sweetness for Peace of Mind.” (The songs were a mix of Justin’s favorite tunes; a Cd that would become a most precious gift to a grieving, but grateful mother.)

Shortly after giving his mother this gift, Justin left the house to literally go – head-on into the skateboarding accident that would eventually claim his life.
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Signaling the End of Grief

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In an after-death communication, Christian sends a clear signal that it’s time for me to move on with my life.

It was in the wee hours of the morning, on June 9th, 2013, that a strange noise sounded in my house! Wondering what it could possibly be, it was discovered to be the ringtone on my phone! But… what a horrible sound it was that had replaced the beautiful ringtone that was Christian, playing guitar on one of the songs he had created, and played so well.

Confused by what had happened, I grabbed my phone to change the annoying ringtone back to “Skies”, the peaceful melody that reminded me of Christian, every time my phone rang.

I admit, I felt a little hurt and insulted to think that Christian would just remove his ringtone from my phone, as if to say… “Get on with your life, already!!”

Okay… so it had already been 3 years and 70 days since Christian’s death, but I was still experiencing grief. Not painful grief, at this point, but grief, nonetheless. Since Christian’s death had been such a big deal to me, deep sorrow was something I had expected to feel over the loss of him, until the day I died.

My phone rang again. It was the same annoying ringtone that woke me up, just hours earlier that day. Patiently, I changed it back again. I tested the “Skies” ringtone, but it was nowhere to be found. NOWHERE!!! I wondered why…
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Love Continues On…

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After the tragic accident and eventual passing of her beloved boyfriend, Ardit, 19-year-old Albana, is comforted when she receives several messages from Ardit, in a dream.

It was mid August when Albana contacted me with her dream visitation and a question. The email read in part: “I saw a dream last night. I was in my grandparents’ room with my mum. In the bed, there was a little baby of 3 months. The baby was talking to us, and said our name.” Surprised by this, Albana suddenly asked, “Who are you?” The baby answered, saying, “I am Ardit!” (Ardit was her boyfriend who died 3 weeks earlier!)

Then, Albana asked me, “Is this a dream or real sign from him? During the time since his death, I have seen him in other dreams, saying to me that he loves me, he is fine, and begged me to forgive him. Help me to understand please.”

(In a reply to Albana, I write, in part)
“Hello Albana,
I’m sorry for your loss. It sounds like this is a sign. There may be some symbolism involved also. I would need more background information to determine what symbolism was being used. Like for example, the 3-month-old baby saying he was your boyfriend that died 3 weeks ago. If the death time would have been longer than 3 weeks, I would consider reincarnation, but that doesn’t seem to be the case.
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The Mysterious Singing Bird

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In an after-death communication, I am comforted when a mysterious bird lands on my front porch to serenade me with its beautiful songs.

It was Friday, May 28th, 2010, a day I remember well. It was two month after Christian’s death and I was still very raw with emotion from his shocking and untimely departure. I was alone in the house at the time, sitting on the couch… just crying my eyes out. My grief was so severe, I thought I might have been having a nervous breakdown at the time. I remember wondering if I would have to be hospitalized for my despondency and suicidal thoughts. The pain was exhausting.

Suddenly, without any explanation, a calm stillness fell over me. It was very noticeable. I stopped crying, and for that brief time, I felt no pain whatsoever. Taking advantage of this blessed reprieve, I laid my head down to get some much needed peaceful rest.

As I drifted off into the stillness, I could tell that I was neither asleep, nor awake… but very conscious still. I could feel Christian trying to communicate with me. His presence was strong. I know he was trying to comfort me, but I couldn’t tell what he was saying. Concentrating hard to discern his message to me, I listened intently. And, as I listened, I was brought out of this twilight state and into the awakening awareness of an unusual, but sweet sound of a bird singing. Perplexed at what I was hearing, for it was so close to me, I got up to see what it was.

The Mysterious Singing Bird and my cat

Just outside my glass storm door, a beautiful bird sang to me as he sat on my front porch! It was amazing! This bird just sat there, while me and my cat looked and listened to its lovely songs. He even let me get some close-up pictures! He stayed for about 2 hours, just looking cute, while singing away. Then, without further ado, this beautiful sweet bird flew up to the roof, then off to the side of my yard and out of sight.

Grateful for this Godsend, I smiled.

Ceramic Bird Gift from Christian

As I sat on my couch, scratching my head about what had just happened, and how this was even possible, my eyes were directed to the fireplace. There, inconspicuously positioned, a ceramic bird sat, perched upon the mantle’s ledge. Confused, I thought, “What a coincidence!”

Then, I remembered… just one month before his death, Christian gave me this ceramic bird for a gift!!!

Commentary- Christian, trying to communicate and comfort me, put the symbol of the ceramic bird he had just given me, to good use. Tying the ceramic bird together with the real bird was a very nice touch on his part. It is true; the singing bird did comfort me by getting my mind off of my grief for a while. But… perhaps even more of a comfort to me was to know that Christian was alive and well, and had just come for one of his reassuring visits!

This serenading bird has never returned, but it made me smile that day. Even now, whenever I think about this mysterious bird, it still makes me smile, as, 3 years later, smiling has become much easier for me.

More Pictures-

My cat watching the audacity of that bird

The singing bird

GriefandMourning.com

Grief is itself a medicine

Category Archives: Loss

Hope After Suicide

Vicky’s Glimpse

The Pact

Be Happy Again

“It’s Okay To Heal”

A Sign of True Love

Ryan’s Scent

Together Again!

Those Yellow Trunks!

Healing From Death

“I’m Not So Far Away!”

“The Mix” by J.V.

Signaling the End of Grief

Love Continues On…

The Mysterious Singing Bird