Transforming Tragedy

Good and bad things happen in this dualistic world. Having an enlightened perspective can make all the difference in healing the wounds from these nightmares.

Bridgette writes:
“Both of my children were bi-racial. But this had nothing to do with their murders, it just made it difficult in their lives, as well as mine. I met their dad in High School when I was 15. At 16, I became pregnant with Tim and my parents sent me to a Catholic maternity home in New Orleans, when I was 4 months pregnant. They literally dropped me off. I was there through all the holidays and had no communication with them whatsoever. It was already decided for me, that I would give my baby up for adoption.”

“I can’t remember when my due date was, but the doctor said the baby was so big that he needed to induce labor and perform a c-section. At that time, I decided to call my parents to tell them that I would be keeping my baby. I was told I couldn’t come home if I kept that ‘nigger’ baby.”

Tim

Tim

“Tim was born on February 5th, 1975 at 8 am. He was 10.5 pounds. I never did go home after leaving the maternity home. I tried to keep Tim by putting him in foster care for 3 weeks. But, making a really long story short, Tim ended up being adopted.”

“About the time Tim was 19 years old, we started to look for each other within two weeks of each other. In no time, providence made sure we found each other! I met his mother first because Tim had gotten cold feet. His Mom was the most wonderful person you’d ever want to meet. Instantly, we became close and eventually, the best of friends. Hilda would call me when Tim wasn’t on his best behavior, as well as, just to check in and talk. I would call her at times to do the same. Every time I would call Hilda, she would say how amazed she was that I always called when Tim was into something. She always wondered how I knew.”

“The night Tim was killed, it was around 4 am. I woke up out of a dead sleep and sat straight up in the bed. I can still see myself sitting up and saying to myself, “Why did I wake up? Why am I sitting up?” I remember laying back down for several minutes while I tried to figure out what woke me out of a deep sleep. Not having ANY answers, I fell back asleep.”

Tim

Tim

“Hilda called the next morning to tell me Tim was shot and killed in Houston between 3-4:30 am. His truck door opened and part of his body was hanging out the driver’s side with change all around him. Because he was misbehaving at the time, Hilda sent Tim to live with his aunt in Houston to try to get him away from some of the people in Baton Rouge. She thought that would help. But sadly, this happened.”

“The person or persons who murdered Tim have never been caught. But Hilda and her family believe that Tim’s death was ordered by a man still sitting in prison. Tim had told one of his cousins, “If anything ever happens to me…” and then proceeded to give the name of this man who won’t be released until his seventies.”

Durell

Durell

“In the Donaldsonville Double Homicide case, my son, Durell was shot down, along with his friend. It was a shocking tragedy for everyone concerned. The case is still going on to this day.”

“When Durell was killed, I felt that, too. A nausea came over me all of the sudden. I ran to the sink to throw up, but I was on the way to an important appointment for my dog and as quick as I said, “Jesus, don’t let me get sick”, it passed. It was later that evening that police showed up to tell me.”

“Tim has been gone for 21 years, he passed on January 13th. Durell lost his life 3 years ago on January 26th. Both my boys were killed in their 20’s. Both were killed in month of January. I find this, along with other significant dates and their numbers, to be more than just a coincidence.”

“Hilda told me that Tim had a dream that he was going to die. This is why he wanted to find me. No one knew I had Tim, gave him up for adoption or that we had found each other again, until Durell was killed. I am so thankful to God that he let me and Durell see my other son, Tim. Also, that Durell could see his blood brother and spend a little time with Tim before he was murdered.”

“Hilda has experienced many after-death communications since Tim’s death. She witnessed our grand-daughter playing with Tim after his passing. I’m not sure of her age at the time. On the day of Tim’s funeral, it was pouring rain. When the family car pulled up to the funeral, both of Tim’s adoptive parents got out on different side of the car and  bent over to pick up change off the ground. Neither knew the other had done so until days after Tim was buried. Hilda also told me that, not long after her and her husband found and picked up the change on the ground, Nikki, Hilda’s sister, found a 50 cent piece standing straight up on Tim’s grave.”

“I planted two Japanese Magnolia trees for Tim and Durell in my back yard. I bought two solar angels and two solar crosses that change colors. When I come out at night to sit on patio, many times, all four lights will be different colors. But after a few minutes, Tim and Durell’s cross and angel will both turn the same color, at the same time. I always talk to both of them, and sometimes if they haven’t changed to the same color, I’ll ask them to let me know they are with me and all 4 lights will go the same color at the same time. I always thank them, tell them how much I love, miss and appreciate them being with me, and coming to visit. The night Durell was buried, I found 26 cents while walking my dogs. Durell was murdered on January 26th.”

Durell and Tim as children

Durell and Tim as children

“I know some people don’t believe in my experiences. They probably think this bereaved mother is losing her mind. But I’m past believing by now. With all the video evidence and still images I’ve gathered over the years, along with these other, more passive validations given to me in after-death communications, I don’t believe anymore… I KNOW that my boys are safe and still alive in another place, along with their Daddy and all of those who have gone before.”

Commentary- If you’ve made it this far into the post, I will admit that the contents Bridgette has shared could be difficult to read. No parent could even begin to fathom the thought of losing their child in any way, shape or form. Who could think it possible to lose two children in the exact same horrific way? A difficult subject, indeed.

While Bridgette has had a lot to grieve over the course of her life, she is healing from her losses now. In the past few years, mostly since Durell’s tragic death, Bridgette has been blessed to have numerous after-death communications that have reassured her that those she loves are very much alive in another realm. (I will add the links at the end of this post) These experiences may have even granted her the insight that, sometimes, some of the really bad things that happen here, at this Earthly school, are not just random… but may be a part of a larger plan.

Why would I say this? It is so common that those who are about to leave this Earthly plane, on some level, actually know that their time is coming to a close. Many of them, give us clues, too. Take Tim, for example, whose subconscious mind gave him a dream that he would die young. This information rose up from deep within to tell him that the clock was ticking and he needed to finish his life’s business before returning to his heavenly home. Because of this profound dream, Tim was strongly impressed that he needed to reunite with his birth mother, Bridgette. We only know about this because he thought it important and real enough to tell his mother, Hilda, at the time.

Within each soul, exists, what I will call, a spiritual compass. This compass is a navigational tool of sorts. It serves as a deep inner knowing, or a ‘soul knowing’ that is designed to keep us on track in following the basic plan we originally chose and came here to follow. Within this compass also exists the moment of our death, as well as a spiritual navigational tool to help us intuitively find our way back to the light.

Having this spiritual compass and knowing all of this at a very deep and insistent level, Tim was encouraged by the depths of his soul to seek out his birth mother as to ‘complete’ something very important for both him and her, before his departure. And, as an additional bonus… he met his blood brother too. 

As humans, who tend to be linear thinkers, this may not make perfect sense to us now, but who is to say that Tim, who obviously knew that his time was running out, did not perfectly play the part he chose in life? This includes how he lived his life and how he died. I know this is a sensitive subject, and no one wants to think we chose some of the misery that would manifest in our lives, but it would not have been the human Earthly self who did that… but someone else… It would be our infinite self.

I think we can all agree that we live in a world where anything along the spectrum of good or bad, can happen. Because of how bad it can get… some people call this realm Hell, at times. It is also heaven-like when things are going great. But, what would be the point of leaving heaven – to go to heaven? No point, really. There would be nothing to learn, and no way to grow and develop ourselves.

So… while Tim was here to experience life in the dualistic world of good and bad, and have the opportunity to personally learn and grow from his experiences, who is to say that Tim, was here… then… not here, to teach others in his life, too?  Who is to say this is not a true statement for everyone.

Although we learn and grow so much from the people in our lives while they are still living… sometimes, we learn even more from them when they have gone. In the long deep silence that is ever-present without them… and after all the craziness has gone away; the pain, the guilt, the self-blame, the anger and cynicism, and all the resistance we invest in our loss… it is completely possible to emerge from the grief process in a completely healed and transformed way. It is also possible to take the bad that happened and transform it into some good. This is the process of spiritual alchemy, and is so powerful… it can turn the darkness into light and can heal all wounds.

Without greater perspective, we may not see the big picture right now. But, to cast those who have suffered and died in seemingly senseless tragedies into the permanent role of a victim, is certainly not empowering to them or to those of us telling their story. Instead of casting our departed loved ones and ourselves as the victims of life’s injustices, maybe we can eventually look at these injustices in a new way. Perhaps we can view this from a perspective that can teach and help to empower ourselves and even, those who read or hear it, right now.

Suppose we, as souls, did choose the bodies we have to inhabit this life. And, suppose we even chose our life’s circumstances; the family we would come to, the conditions we could face, the way we live and die. Wouldn’t it make sense that we had the free will to choose? But in choosing these things, please don’t think that random events are not a thing too, as sometimes there are unintended consequences to our choices, as we have choices here, too. It’s true.

So here’s a caveat. Whenever I write, share or teach anything, I do so from my own personal and direct experience, and therefore; my own set of truths- from the perspective from which I am doing the viewing, at the time. Remembering what I am about to share has helped me in life, more than I can say. And… of course… sometimes I forget it and have to remember it again. I guess that’s a part of a greater plan, too.

What I personally know and believe is true for others, too, is this deep memory of mine. Deep within myself, and long, long ago, it seems, I remember raising my spiritual arm high and often when asked the question by the heavenly beings in my previous life, heaven… “Who wants to experience, or grow from this?” As an enthusiastic soul, with all the confidence and courage in the universe, and knowing I could never really die, I said, “YES!” to life. “Yes”, to the circumstances of life. “Yes,” to the soulmates I would come with. I was even explained the conditions of such a dualistic world that would be both heavenly and hellish, to which I thought, “what’s hell?” But I knew whatever it was… how bad could it be, there was a BIG gain to be gotten for my spiritual growth and development. I understood that I would have a greater knowledge and understanding of myself and others, as well as, my forever life. 

It seemed so exciting to me to get to come to this Earthly school to learn. Actually, to me, it just seemed like a quick dream we were all dipped into, to experience many different perspectives that we would never begin to understand, unless we came and experienced them. But… I knew that the dream, and sometimes, nightmare, would be short and I would be back soon to my real home, with all my new goodies of knowledge and wisdom acquired from my experience. I knew that perfect perception could only come from seeing the world through a variety of different perspectives. In the end, I knew that I was ultimately safe, could always heal from anything I experienced, and that I could never really die. I knew I would become wise… like the great ones who had gone before me.

When I think of it from an Earthly perspective now, and not being able to remember everything from my heavenly home… some days I wonder and think to myself… “REALLY? We must be pretty brave souls to come to this school of opposition for our education. Things can get really, really scary and painful here! Things can really go wrong!”  But then, I remember why I’m doing all this. I remember I had a choice- and there was a plan for me to learn and grow. I also remember that my internal compass is within me to keep me on track with the basic plan of tasks and experiences I chose for my life, when I was in a better place… and in a better frame of mind. And, I trust that. 

While this is my experience… who is to say it’s not a common one? As I write this, I am actually remembering that part of my choice back then, was/is a choice to transform the bad into good by turning the darkness into light through perception. Feeling deeply passionate about this, I am inspired to continue…

But, regardless of the hellishness of indifference, cruelty and brutality this world has to offer on the bad and dark side, there is the good. And, there is light, too, thank Goodness!

Speaking of light… A few years ago, there was a point when Bridgette was concerned for the souls of the sons she bore. Like, perhaps they had not made it to the light because of the part they played in life. I asked Bridgette to think of this very important question. “In after-death communications, why do these boys always show up as light?” You see, some souls show up  as butterflies or dragonflies. Some of our angels leave us feathers. Some of them visit in dreams, or in a large variety of other ways. These are all great ways.

But, to answer her own question, I wanted Bridgette to realize that her boys always showed up in the light. Examples include the kitchen light that blinks when her boys are there, the 4 garden lights that sync up to let her know that her boys are with her and the orbs of light that frequent her home on a regular basis. In other words… they are reassuring her that they made it to the light!

We really can never know (fully remember) all of the parts we chose to play in this life or why, but neither Tim, nor Durell were “bad” people. They may have had some “bad” behavior in life, like other human beings who are living in this realm, I don’t know, but whatever the concern, it never meant that they were not beings of pure light… having an Earthly experience. Durell and Tim showing up as lights to Bridgette should be very reassuring as it signifies that her boys made it out of this darkness of this world and into the light of heaven.

Although Bridgette missed all the formative years of Tim’s life, this did not stop her from feeling the exact time of his death. You see, she was still connected to her birth son, despite the time they lost together. Birth moms, as well as adoptive moms, are “real” moms too. Both develop the same mother’s intuition that comes from a deep love and caring attachment to the well-being of their child.

As far as numbers and coins in Bridgette’s other after-death communications, our departed loved ones try to reach us in the ways that they can. Unexplained coins that appear out of nowhere, are common signs indicating that our loved one is still around. Coins that total a specific number, such as a relevant date or time, can point to a meaningful affirmation. Bridgette finding 26 cents the night of Durell’s burial was relevant to her, as it was the day of Durell’s passing.

These strange coincidences, such as coins or numbers that catch our attention can also tell us that things are going as planned and are happening exactly the way they were meant to be- perhaps even predetermined, as chosen by us as experiences in a much larger and far-reaching, infinite plan.

Although some might think to blame the God in their life when bad things happen, perhaps what happened was not God’s decision at all. Perhaps the soul was given a choice to experience the things of this Earthly world and it took it, warts and all. Maybe that soul made that choice because, in spite of the short-term pain and suffering, there would be long-term (eternal) gain, such as the growth for oneself and others. Perhaps we are even team players. Experience is the only way such souls could gain and develop any sort of everlasting understanding and compassion that make us wiser beings. It makes sense to me.

At least this perspective brings purpose and direction to our lives, allows the template for learning and growth, and is definitely a more inspiring and empowering tale to share about our life on this sometimes, hellish Earth. It is the inspiring perspective about how we forgave, were responsible, bounded back from our pain, overcame, took charge and triumphed over the darkness of life, allowing us to be VICTORIOUS in transforming our tragedies. You’ve got to admit, the perspective of being victorious in the face of injustice is way more sexy than that we were all just the victims of a cruel God and life with no choice of how to frame it, as we attempt to tell our story. Because… it’s only in our own thoughts and words about them, that our experiences are transformed into light. We can choose that too.

Some people think bad things shouldn’t happen in life. But they do… and will. I’m not trying to make light or discount the seriousness of a tragedy or the impact a tragedy has had on anyone who is suffering. I understand. If I didn’t… I would not intentionally immerse myself in death and darkness to understand and support suffering people. Been there. I get it. What I’m offering in this post is a way to experience the horrors of this world that are bound to happen, in a new light- a powerful light, that, after some time spent grieving, could transform ‘what happened’ in a way that honors and empowers the ones who struggled and died, as well as, those who are left to remember them.

In the end…it is safe to say that we will experience all manner of tragedies in our life here. And, someday we will all have a turn to pass through the dreaded veil we call death, only to see that we can never really die. Back to our heavenly home, within our souls, we will bring what we have learned to integrate there. We will remember again that experiences are the only way to become wise; therefore, necessary for our progress. We may choose to repeat this process over and over again. Think about it… forever is a long, long time. What else would we be doing?

Hopefully, given enough time and perspective, we will begin to see the big picture of all we have had to endure. Whether they be the pleasant dreams or unbearable nightmares, it is my hope that eventually… because of the growth we got out of our experiences, and how we transformed our thoughts  about them, that, in the end… with our words, we will be able to call them good.

To read more about Bridgette’s other experiences Bridgette’s Orbs, Stop Crying. See? I’m Still with YOU!, “Durell’s Here!”, I’m Closer Than Ever, Mom, Benny’s Spirit

8 thoughts on “Transforming Tragedy

  1. Wow a lot of good things to take from this. You so eloquently explained your perspective. “Warts and all” this made me laugh.

  2. A very thought provoking post. I had said to a sickly friend a few weeks ago…why in the world would we choose this life we live before we were born? Were we nuts? The answer is someplace buried in what we are to learn from these experiences. There is a reason and a plan why these things happen. And it is for us to learn . Good post, Jade.

  3. Bridgette thanks for sharing your difficult losses and circumstances. I love how you share that you have surpassed believing and now KNOW that your boys are safe and still with you.

    Thank you, Jade for sharing your insight on transforming your perspective and how one can find healing, learning and new meaning in circumstances that at first glance may feel only tragic.

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