Sometime after Kenneth’s husband, Jon, passes away, Kenneth realizes they can still hang out at times.

Kenneth writes:
“My husband, Jon, passed away in June of 2016. I had a very hard with handling him not being here in the physical.”

“It’s been over five years now. I had to realize that just because he was gone, it didn’t mean we couldn’t see each other. To this day, he often communicates with me in my dreams. That is our new way of being with each other. When he is in my dreams we are all over the place- places I don’t know and people I don’t know.”

Angel: Pixabay-The Digital Artist

“One dream, I was looking into another room from where I was. As I walked closer toward that room, I could feel an arm as I walked into the room, it was Jon. I paused just looking at him. There was a mysterious but familiar lady with him to the side. She has been around me since I was a child. She also appeared to me on the day that Jon died.”

“When I saw him again, I asked him if I could hug him, to which Jon said, “Yes.” Our hug felt like he was with me in the physical. It felt so real and so good. Then, he was gone.”

“After I wake up from these events, I thank him for hanging out with me and hope that we can hang out again soon. I don’t always remember the messages he tells me, and sometimes it could be months later when I understand what he was telling me. For example, right before Covid-19 broke out, Jon told me that life was going to get really bad for awhile until it would get better. At the time, I didn’t understand. Now, I do.”

Commentary- Adjusting to the new non-physical relationship of a departed loved one can be challenging. For some, even to be able to make that leap in their own thinking, that a continuing relationship might even be possible, could prove difficult and stop them in their tracks. For others, “if there’s a will, there’s a way.” Some of them go forth to find it.

The Fragility of Life

Our whole experience in this world is mostly focused on the physicality of people, places and things in this realm. After one’s passing, although, the places and things still remain, it comes as quite a shock when those same people who were so real to us, disappear from our physical realm. Some might say, “I was just with them and now they are gone. I just don’t believe it.” The fragility of one’s life is difficult for our brains to reconcile, hence the denial phase of the grief process.

The experience of our physical lives seems very permanent until a beloved is snatched up by the unseen that we call death. It is only then, that we realize with such impact that impermanence was there all along. The strong image of a life in this world and the people in it turned out to be so precarious all along, and we didn’t even realize it. We didn’t plan for it to happen as soon as it always does. We had no say, and it hurts to think something so precious could ever be taken away with such ease and disregard.

Our Earthly Perception

Many people live with unquestioned beliefs that include the thinking that, “people only die when they are old and gray.” “The young have the rest of their lives to live.” Or, there is such a thing as a “fairytale ending” in this life and that we “live happily ever after” in it. For sure, death would not dare to interrupt our bliss. Right? Unfortunately, as many of us now know firsthand, there are no set rules about how long we are able to stay in this world. Sometimes it seems like there is no rhyme or reason to one’s timely death either.

Is it a possibility to continue a relationship with a departed loved one?

When we experience the passing of our loved one, we may become resigned and cynical that our beloved relationship could ever continue outside a physical context. After all, isn’t it impossible? Although our brains may say it’s impossible, our hearts want what they want and some have found a way to bridge the two worlds together.

 If so, how do you do it?

Reaching between worlds Pixabay:Geralt

Kenneth has discovered his dreams as a vehicle for being together again with his beloved, Jon. In dreams, Kenneth is reassured that Jon is accessible and still loves him. Kenneth has opportunities to communicate, touch and be with Jon in this way. This experience informs Kenneth that their love is still alive as their relationship continues on, even until this day.

Other Mediums

Others have learned to be together at times through the medium of meditation, hypnosis, prayer and out of body experiences. Some use toning, music, walks in nature, talking to them and listening as well as sheer faith and trust that a connection will happen. This will lead to a sure knowledge that they are always accessible to you, and, of course, any relaxation serves as a wonderful space of nothingness to clear the path for connection. Nothingness is an amazing state in which to discover something-ness…something that’s magnificent.

The Beauty of Simplicity

There are many simple ways to connect. Our problem is mainly that we make it too hard and in our brains, we have decided it to be impossible. Is it? It’s not. We overthink things instead of allowing them to happen. Having some faith and trust in the power of love is simple and goes a long way.

I can think of no big dance you have to do, no chant, nothing loud or complicated. There is nothing to learn if you don’t want to. It’s simple. Let it be simple. Practice grace.

Understanding Balance in the Physical/Spiritual Adjustment

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not suggesting that you zone out of this life and the people in it, in order to chase the one in the next life. That would be irresponsible and unhealthy. Although that may be what you want in your grief, that serves no one, but you may still try to do it. That can be part of your grief process, too. 

An important part of healing grief is to eventually be able to accept your loved one’s passing in a healthy way. It is also important to realize that just because you no longer see your departed loved one in the way you once did, it doesn’t mean they are no longer with you. These two things can go hand in hand.

After Christian died, in my grief, I remember being told so clearly, “Your relationship has not gone away. It’s just gone deeper.” I knew from that message that this was actually a promising message as “deeper” seemed much more comforting than “gone.”

I realized that I would have to make some adjustments in my thinking of what is possible. It was now our new spiritual relationship. I realized I would have to exercise my faith in the unseen until I could see this possibility clearly for my seIf. 

I saw this as an opportunity to develop my spirituality more substantially, more completely to better access his world and he, mine. At first, I did it with faith as my guide. And now, knowing has overtaken that faith. There is nothing that could ever convince me that my own experiences with him after his death, were/are not real. They are more real to me than ever now. 

The Takeaway

• It is possible to adjust to the non-physical relationship of a departed loved one. Of course, your relationship won’t be exactly the same as it was in the physical, we need to be reasonable. Our relationships will still be there in a spiritual sense… which are just a more stealthy version of connection.
• Like with Kenneth’s gradual realization that a continued spiritual relationship with Jon was possible, open your mind to the miracle that this could be so. Just because it comes time for one to pass on, it doesn’t mean the relationship is gone or that love dies in the process. In Kenneth’s adjusted thinking about life and death and all that it means about his relationship and connection with Jon, he has found a way for them to be together at times.  I’d say that’s pretty special.
• Let the spiritual connection with your departed loved one be simple, in other words, likely to happen. All of this happening takes place in the territory of what and how you think of it. You don’t need to overthink it, make it hard or even do anything at all. Allow it to come in its own time with ease.
• Have faith. You may not realize the continued connection at first, but once you do, faith will no longer be a requirement as you will know for yourself that it is possible, in whatever way that it is.
• Most importantly, trust in your loved one and in the love you shared and still continue to share. Without giving up and becoming resigned and cynical to the sad thinking of “that’s it, now our relationship is gone.” Instead, realize one of life’s greatest possibilities that your relationship has just gone deeper. Trust that sooner or later, love will find a way. It will. It’s never too late to realize what Kenneth did.

For more posts about Kenneth’s experiences with Jon, please read, A Place of Nothingness and Thought Perception

Love will find a way Pixabay:jplenio