A heavenly visitor appears in the middle of the night to ask me some vital questions about what I believe and who I really am.
It was seven years ago today that Christian suddenly and unexpectedly passed, right before my eyes. Helpless to do anything about what was destined to be, I watched the horrifying scene with wet and disbelieving eyes, while I did my best to make him comfortable in his last moments of life.
Naturally, to anyone experiencing such a loss, every day and every night has the potential to become a living nightmare, as death, especially sudden and unexpected, can be quite traumatizing.
But one night about four weeks out, I woke up in excruciating pain with a startle. As I sat up in bed, wondering how I would go through this, I became aware of the voice of a man talking to me. I didn’t see him, I just heard the words he spoke. He said, “Jade. You are going to have to get really clear about something. Are you a body and a brain? Is that what you think you are? Is that all you think that Christian was? Because, if that’s what you think, then your new reality without him is going to be very, very painful.”
That was it. That was all he said before leaving.
What a strange question, I thought. But, someone “up there” knew me well. This strange question got my attention because of what it was really asking. Its contents had such power that it forced me to answer immediately, as I sat upright in my bed in the middle of the night.
After answering the way I did that night, I knew I couldn’t have it both ways. I’d have to be accountable now. Which belief did I honor more? That Christian was a mere physical being who began at birth and ended in death? Or… that Christian was an eternal spiritual being who could never die? And… what did I believe about myself?
This experience was a moment of truth for me. After being asked the question that night, and especially after considering it deep enough to answer from the depths of my heart and soul, it was clear that every time some instance presented itself to tell me otherwise, to keep my faith from shaking, I would need to rigorously apply my own truth to it, instead of changing my mind back and forth, like a candle in the wind.
The death of our loved ones can create a “rubber meets the road” situation. This is what happened to me. After making my choice, it was inauthentic to believe any other way. The man who came to me with his questions did me a favor. Because of the stress and trauma from my loss, I immediately defaulted into the “finite” me. You know, the physical being who is scared because she believes in lack, limits and separation. But this question was intended to ask me who I really am and what I really know to be true.
As the “infinite” me, I was able to remember that, although there is heartache and suffering throughout the world in which we now live, there is a world that is infinite and boundless. I just needed to soothe, nurture and hush the fears of the “finite” me long enough to realize that no matter how it looks to our physical eyes and senses, no matter what our fears are as physical beings, we are always connected to our loved ones. Always! Would love have it any other way?
So now, I ask you. Are you a “finite” being with a physical body and a brain? Or are you an infinite soul at your very core? How clear are you about this? Because getting clear on this could make the biggest difference in how much of the fear you will choose to believe. Remember… you are an infinite soul.