Oh no. Here it comes! A holiday without them. How do I deal with that?
Holidays are supposed to be joyful; a time to gather together with loved ones to share thanks and exchange gifts of love. But what happens when the upcoming holiday only serves to remind us that someone we love is sadly missing? It’s difficult to cope. If it’s the first year we might wonder, “How different is this year going to be. How much pain am I going to feel?”
Although it might seem strange, including your loved one in your holidays can be a great way to deal head-on with the fact that things have changed. Perhaps a new tradition or ritual can be introduced, making the upcoming holiday special. For example, you might create a special program that includes all of your loved ones, including the one who is not physically present. It is a great way to deal and heal the pain of the change of losing them. This can also include a family pet.
You might light a candle, say a family prayer or do something in honor of the deceased. You might have a ceremony or celebration, or maybe just a time to quietly reflect and talk about feelings. Sharing of this nature can be very healing and help families and friends form a closer bond. It is important that everyone feels involved and important, as without this, the holidays can be a very lonely time to get through.
If, for whatever reason, no family is around, find something to get involved with. Create your own family of friends. Volunteer work, such as feeding the homeless, fostering animals or other community services are greatly appreciated and in doing so, truly exemplify what the end of the year holidays are all about in the first place. Service is a great way to get out of yourself for awhile, while offering a helping hand.
While the holidays may be different this year, or maybe they have been different for years, the holidays are coming and we must make the best of them if we are to heal. If you can find a way to grab ahold of them, instead of allowing the holidays to grab ahold of you, they will seem more manageable. And, maybe with a new tradition or ritual introduced that promotes healing, the next holiday won’t seem so daunting.
A poem of remembrance written, especially for YOU-
Holidays used to be so pleasant, friends and families gathered near.
But one of them is missing; that’s the one who is not here.
We push along without them, tears of pain we can’t deny,
and we wish that they could join us, that death could be defied.
But fear not, no one is missing, your loved ones still abide,
although you may not see them, they are forever by your side.
So celebrate with gifts of love, give thanks like you always do,
And even though there’s been a change, your loved one’s still with you.
Blessing to you all for comfort, peace and healing.