Moving Forward After Loss

In a moment of deep sorrow, Lynda’s departed husband, Jason, compassionately reminds his beloved wife, that he is not his ashes. 

Lynda writes:
“Last summer, I went to my cabin where I left Jason’s ashes. That’s where he loved to be. I had not seen them since I put them in the box the year before. I usually just hug the box they are in, but this time, I had a desperate need to see and feel his ashes through the plastic. I was hoping it would give me some closure. I miss him very much.”

“The first night, I sat and watched a movie with the bag on my lap. It was very comforting. The next day, I found myself hugging the bag of Jason’s ashes and crying. I kept telling myself, “It’s not him” and that I needed to let go of his physical remains. Then, I heard a voice in my head repeating, “It’s not ME!” This seemed odd, as I had ME, telling myself that it was not HIM. It was so clear that I immediately felt it was Jason, and he was with me, and affirming all this, which was very comforting. I still can’t bring myself to spread Jason’s ashes yet, but have been thinking about it.”

“I’ve also spent a lot of time clearing out my garage and basement. I kept getting a tingling on the back of my neck that makes me shiver really hard. I have never experienced that before. I talk to him a lot there, and it is a comforting feeling.”

Commentary- It’s coming up on two years since Lynda’s beloved husband, Jason, crossed over from this world to the next. Although she’s spent time grieving, Lynda’s pain is still fresh, as she continues to work her way through the many layers of loss and grief.

Although she somehow manages to carry on, her life is much different now. She spends her days keeping busy, as this staves off the relentless pain still lying beneath the surface. She misses Jason deeply, as he will always have a special place in her heart, mind and soul.

Having the need for some closure, Lynda went to her cabin to hold Jason’s ashes. There… she put them on her lap, she held them, she hugged them as she cried and expressed to him her feelings of love and loss. So, it is no surprise that, upon perceiving this, Jason compassionately chimed right in, to remind his beloved that the ashes she was focusing on, were neither him, nor where he resides. For sure, Jason was with his wife in her struggle that day, and for sure, he heard her pleas and tried to comfort her.

Although we may have physical remains to hold, whether they be ashes, clothes or other material remnants once owned by the departed, and they provide some comfort, to have and hold for a while, there is also something very sad about having these remains, while knowing they can never replace what was lost. But we hold them nonetheless.

Lynda still holds onto Jason’s remains, that’s okay, there’s no rush. When the time is right to let go of his remains, she will know and it is only for her to say. When one is in the midst of a grief cycle, there is no such thing as just being able to move on. That would imply skipping the vitally important steps that could get one over the bridge of chaos and upheaval to one’s eventual healing. There is no moving on, there is only moving forward. And sometimes, it’s one step forward, two steps back. But nevertheless, go through the steps with grace, whatever they are for each individual, and only move to the next step when completely ready. If this step of the process is pushed too fast, the result might be adding additional emotional grief, such as guilt and regret, unnecessarily heaped on an already painful set of emotions to work through. 

 Lynda mentioned experiencing a tingling feeling of being touched while she worked in her garage and basement. This was not Lynda’s imagination and is something commonly felt, if one is attuned to feeling it. When a spirit touches you, it is their actual energy field that is making contact with yours. When this happens, there is no mistaking it, as it is strong enough to get your attention. It could feel like a bug is on your skin, that you may try to brush away, yet, there is no bug in sight. The spirit touch has the sensation of a soft energetic electrical field, hence the tingling. You can even stare at it while it is happening and see nothing, but the feeling of this amazing contact of warmth and love is definitely prominent. This type of spirit touch is to inform you that your loved one is with you. 

For a few days, while I was corresponding with Lynda about some of the details of her post, she informed me that, after all this time being reluctant about spreading Jason’s ashes, just yesterday morning, she started to get the strong feeling that she would be able to do it soon. Her intuition showed her a particular time and place and the people who would be gathered. As it would happen, family will be in town at such a time. If Lynda is indeed ready at this time, it would be a great time, for those who love him, to celebrate the life and afterlife of Jason. If she’s not ready yet… then, she can always change her mind.

Hmm, though, it does seem that Jason could be involved with this inspired thought, and prompting Lynda. I’m certain of this, because… also in our correspondence, I was telling Lynda that when I work on a post, I am so focused on that departed loved one, Jason, in this case, that many times, they will show up in some way, shape or form, by giving me a direct empathic experience, an insight of understanding or even direct messages channeled through me for the bereaved.

So… later, when I wrote about the part where Jason repeatedly told Lynda in her head, “The ashes are not ME”… surprisingly it happened. A message in the form of a Valentine’s Day poem from Jason came through my mind and hands as I typed it out. As it turns out… Jason is a poet. For Lynda, he writes…

“I am not my ashes, they are no longer me.
I am much more now, than I could ever be.
I’m not confined to places, as I am all around.
But, always in your heart, dear, is where I can be found.”

One of life’s greatest miracles is that it is possible for us to eventually and completely heal from the deepest devastating pain that can so brutally upended our lives. It’s miraculous that we can move forward from our losses with our love for each other, intact; Lynda on the physical side, Jason on the spiritual. They still continue to have the bond of love for each other, as death has not upended that.

And although the remains of our departed are important for a time, the greater version of them is boundless and can never die. In this world of short-term pain and tears from our losses, it is the long-term view of hope and strength that will take us through to the rest of our lives, until through tears of joy, our love will reunite us once again.


Heart Image:Pixabay

6 thoughts on “Moving Forward After Loss

  1. That’s cute. Nice poem, just in time for valentines. This is a good reminder that objects only hold the significance that we give to them. There is no object with inherent significance.

  2. Thank you so much for sharing. March 24th will be 4 years since I unexpectedly & very suddenly lost my husband . And May will be 1 year that I lost everything of his, including his ‘ashes’ in a devasting fire. I feel completely lost without my husband’s Urn/ashes. I was to the point where I thought I could spread his ashes, but now, not having any, I feel like I am back at the beginning of my grieving all over again.
    I wish you nothing but the best Lynda. I will keep you in my prayers…..

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