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All posts in griefandmourning.com related to loss, death, after-death communication, near-death experience, out of body experience and all that is related to healing and the “other side.”

Signaling the End of Grief

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In an after-death communication, Christian sends a clear signal that it’s time for me to move on with my life.

It was in the wee hours of the morning, on June 9th, 2013, that a strange noise sounded in my house! Wondering what it could possibly be, it was discovered to be the ringtone on my phone! But… what a horrible sound it was that had replaced the beautiful ringtone that was Christian, playing guitar on one of the songs he had created, and played so well.

Confused by what had happened, I grabbed my phone to change the annoying ringtone back to “Skies”, the peaceful melody that reminded me of Christian, every time my phone rang.

I admit, I felt a little hurt and insulted to think that Christian would just remove his ringtone from my phone, as if to say… “Get on with your life, already!!”

Okay… so it had already been 3 years and 70 days since Christian’s death, but I was still experiencing grief. Not painful grief, at this point, but grief, nonetheless. Since Christian’s death had been such a big deal to me, deep sorrow was something I had expected to feel over the loss of him, until the day I died.

My phone rang again. It was the same annoying ringtone that woke me up, just hours earlier that day. Patiently, I changed it back again. I tested the “Skies” ringtone, but it was nowhere to be found. NOWHERE!!! I wondered why…
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Love Continues On…

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After the tragic accident and eventual passing of her beloved boyfriend, Ardit, 19-year-old Albana, is comforted when she receives several messages from Ardit, in a dream.

It was mid August when Albana contacted me with her dream visitation and a question. The email read in part: “I saw a dream last night. I was in my grandparents’ room with my mum. In the bed, there was a little baby of 3 months. The baby was talking to us, and said our name.” Surprised by this, Albana suddenly asked, “Who are you?” The baby answered, saying, “I am Ardit!” (Ardit was her boyfriend who died 3 weeks earlier!)

Then, Albana asked me, “Is this a dream or real sign from him? During the time since his death, I have seen him in other dreams, saying to me that he loves me, he is fine, and begged me to forgive him. Help me to understand please.”

(In a reply to Albana, I write, in part)
“Hello Albana,
I’m sorry for your loss. It sounds like this is a sign. There may be some symbolism involved also. I would need more background information to determine what symbolism was being used. Like for example, the 3-month-old baby saying he was your boyfriend that died 3 weeks ago. If the death time would have been longer than 3 weeks, I would consider reincarnation, but that doesn’t seem to be the case.
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The Beauty of Brain Patterns

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In my last post, Running With The Bulls, I mentioned how a once alive, beautiful 3D experience, given time, eventually integrates and turns into nothing more than a mere memory of something we already know. For example, the birth of a newborn baby. When my first baby was born, I had to take a million pictures of this amazing little, pink creature. My husband and I captured every possible expression that that kid made! We were so enthralled with the creation of our little miracle, that suddenly existed.

Then… there was the second child. Not that we loved her any less, but, you see… we already knew what a miracle looked like. Still… we took a lot of pictures of this adorable little one, but we didn’t quite capture every expression, like we did with the first one! You see, we had already started to become accustomed to the idea of this type of miracle, for we had experienced it once before. And… because of this… we didn’t need to be so present and amazed anymore.

When I thought about how an actual, real live 3D miracle was destined to become part of a person’s brain pattern, this used to really bother me. “How sad.” I’d think. “Why were we created this way? Where is the wisdom in this? Why can’t we be present to such miraculousness all of the time?”
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Running With the Bulls

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On a recent trip to my dentist, Dr. Clint told me about an experience he had, just a few weeks earlier.

Having been on the “bucket list” of one of Dr. Clint’s old High School friends, his buddy suggested that he, Dr. Clint and another High School friend go on an adventure to Spain.

photo credit: sfgate.com

photo credit: sfgate.com

So now, in their mid 40’s, Dr. Clint and two old best friends took the plunge, when they flew out to Spain in July to go “Running with the bulls!”

All dressed in the appropriate “bull-running” attire, Dr. Clint and his two friends waited on the narrow street for the bulls to catch up to them, so they could have the harrowing experience of running along side of these ferocious beasts… that is… if they didn’t get maimed by one or more!

finance.yahoo.com

photo credit: finance.yahoo.com

Although the whole run, with over 100 participants and 12 bulls, lasted only 4 minutes, Dr. Clint said it was the most terrifying, but best 4 minutes of his life! By the time they ran down the narrow street that corralled them into an arena, Dr. Clint and his friends thought they were finally “out of the woods”… or “streets”, should I say, and wanted to hop the fence to leave, but both police and Spaniards alike, shoed any participants wanting to get out, off the fence, and back into the arena!

That wouldn’t have been so bad, I guess, except the bulls had also been let into the arena too, and as one of Dr. Clint’s friends glanced over, he found the eyes of a bull locked upon him. Having had enough, at this point, Dr. Clint started to panic and hopped the fence anyway, while his two other friends took their chances in the arena with the bulls for a little while longer.
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Christian’s Premonition

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Ten years before his death, Christian drew this picture. In it, he was trying to capture a disturbing and unknown, yet painless sensation he had experienced in his head a few times before. So puzzled as to what this was, he likened it to a volcano going off in his head.

When we met, some 6 years after he had drawn this picture, still perplexed by this old recurring experience, he mentioned it to me and showed me this picture. Having discussed it several times together, we never did come to an understand of its meaning, until the day he died.

Having died from the eruption of an Arterial Vascular Mass in his head, Christian must have immediately recognized the sensation he was experiencing as the previous previews from years passed, but this time with pain.

Sometimes in our lives we are given these previews to change the events of our future. Other times we are given these previews to show and prepare us for our future.

In the days immediately following his passing, I knew this picture was a premonition of his eventual looming death.
RobVolcanoDrawing

 

 

The Lens of Awareness

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Last weekend, my friend shared with me a story from his past. As I thought about it later that day, I realized his story had some important insights to distinguish about awareness.

Back in the eastern states, where heating oil is routinely delivered to homes for winter warmth, the driver of an oil truck accidentally hit a dog in the street one day. You see, the dog ran through the same routine every time. The dog would run behind the truck, then, when the driver stopped the truck to make his delivery, the dog would run around to the front of the truck. The driver, who knew this dog’s routine of running to the front of the truck, would then, drive slowly and carefully away, in order to avoid the dog. My friend, who I will call Sam, wondered back then, how the driver, who always drove the same route, could have possibly hit the dog. “Wasn’t he paying attention?” Continue reading →

The Mysterious Singing Bird

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In an after-death communication, I am comforted when a mysterious bird lands on my front porch to serenade me with its beautiful songs.

It was Friday, May 28th, 2010, a day I remember well. It was two month after Christian’s death and I was still very raw with emotion from his shocking and untimely departure. I was alone in the house at the time, sitting on the couch… just crying my eyes out. My grief was so severe, I thought I might have been having a nervous breakdown at the time. I remember wondering if I would have to be hospitalized for my despondency and suicidal thoughts. The pain was exhausting.

Suddenly, without any explanation, a calm stillness fell over me. It was very noticeable. I stopped crying, and for that brief time, I felt no pain whatsoever. Taking advantage of this blessed reprieve, I laid my head down to get some much needed peaceful rest.

As I drifted off into the stillness, I could tell that I was neither asleep, nor awake… but very conscious still. I could feel Christian trying to communicate with me. His presence was strong. I know he was trying to comfort me, but I couldn’t tell what he was saying. Concentrating hard to discern his message to me, I listened intently. And, as I listened, I was brought out of this twilight state and into the awakening awareness of an unusual, but sweet sound of a bird singing. Perplexed at what I was hearing, for it was so close to me, I got up to see what it was.

The Mysterious Singing Bird and my cat

The Mysterious Singing Bird and my cat

Just outside my glass storm door, a beautiful bird sang to me as he sat on my front porch! It was amazing! This bird just sat there, while me and my cat looked and listened to its lovely songs. He even let me get some close-up pictures! He stayed for about 2 hours, just looking cute, while singing away. Then, without further ado, this beautiful sweet bird flew up to the roof, then off to the side of my yard and out of sight.

Grateful for this Godsend, I smiled.

Ceramic Bird Gift from Christian

Ceramic Bird Gift from Christian

As I sat on my couch, scratching my head about what had just happened, and how this was even possible, my eyes were directed to the fireplace. There, inconspicuously positioned, a ceramic bird sat, perched upon the mantle’s ledge. Confused, I thought, “What a coincidence!”

Then, I remembered… just one month before his death, Christian gave me this ceramic bird for a gift!!!

Commentary- Christian, trying to communicate and comfort me, put the symbol of the ceramic bird he had just given me, to good use. Tying the ceramic bird together with the real bird was a very nice touch on his part. It is true; the singing bird did comfort me by getting my mind off of my grief for a while. But… perhaps even more of a comfort to me was to know that Christian was alive and well, and had just come for one of his reassuring visits!

This serenading bird has never returned, but it made me smile that day. Even now, whenever I think about this mysterious bird, it still makes me smile, as, 3 years later, smiling has become much easier for me. 

More Pictures-

My cat watching the audacity of that bird

My cat watching the audacity of that bird

singing bird

The singing bird

Singing Bird

The singing bird

Higher-Self Communication

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There are times in our lives when we want or need to talk to a particular person in order to complete something of importance, BUT, actually doing so… may seem too difficult for us, if even impossible. Reasons for this lack of communication may include:

  • Not knowing the person well enough, so approaching them could be awkward or even embarrassing.
  • We speak different languages.
  • We’ve lost contact, with no way of locating them.
  • This person may live too far away, and maybe, even so far away that they are no longer on this planet.
  • The person we want or need to speak to isn’t in a good position to be contacted by us, or… if we did contact them, perhaps they would refuse to speak to us, or hear our message.
  • Or maybe… it is even our own pride that prevents us from speaking with them.
  • The one we want to speak to is an animal.

But, it’s possible that this is the most difficult one of all…

  • It could be that the issues between the two are so sticky, that every attempt to sort things through leaves those involved with an attitude of defensiveness and frustration, causing both to walk away while throwing their arms up in the air in sheer resignation!

You may have experienced this before. Completely discouraged by the many attempts to communicate, but to no avail, and now… you’ve finally given up the thought and hope that this issue between the two of you could ever be rectified.

But… whatever the circumstances are, it ends the same; you are left with the sense of the incompletion that continually hangs over your head, just begging to be resolved and put to rest.

More than likely, what you really wanted or needed to tell this person was something that you never got a chance to say; for example: to give an apology, to ask or accept forgiveness, to straighten something out, to make a request or to give them your love and/or blessings? Or maybe, you just wanted to be heard and were uncertain that you ever were in the past.
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Grief and Mourning Distinguished

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Grieving statue

Grieving statue -Photo credit: unknown

“Grief” and “mourning” are words that have been used interchangeably to mean the same thing. But, the fact is, there really is a very important difference between them.

Grief is an emotional reaction/response to loss. Grief tends to follow a common pattern of emotional states, such as shock, confusion, denial, anger, sadness, rage, depression, isolation, to name a few, and…not always in that order. If grief is experienced fully and allowed to unfold naturally, the process gradually leads one to some sort of acceptance and peace with the matter. The grief process is the brain’s way of dealing with a matter it can’t completely comprehend in the moment; so it takes time to sort through it all, be patient with yourself. If a death has been sudden or completely unexpected, comprehension is even more of a struggle, for we operate as if death is somewhere, clear out there, far off on the horizon. The truth is… we really don’t know how far or close death is to us.

Loss is not just about losing someone we love, to death. We may experience intense loss from losing a relationship, our sense of self, our job, our home, our freedom, our health, our dreams or a limb, among many other things that we hold precious and important. Whether great or small losses to us, these examples can seem like a death, that will require a certain amount of grief and mourning, to be determined by the individual who is experiencing the loss. But whatever the loss, remember to give yourself some space to heal properly. Many emotions will surface, to be explored. From my experience, feeling these emotions is much easier than trying to survive them by pushing them under. Buried emotions never rest in peace; like zombies, waiting quietly and thought dead, they will raise themselves up again at the first chance of provocation.
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Still here…

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Christian's Gmail Thumbnail

Christian’s Gmail Thumbnail

Around 2 months ago when I was looking through my gmail, I noticed something strange about my thumbnail picture on the left hand-side of the screen. It wasn’t my picture anymore! As I put my cursor on it, it expanded the picture and I was able to see that, although dark, it was a picture I’d seen before of Christian playing his guitar. This was a familiar site that represented him well.

Deciding to change it back to my picture, I clicked on the thumbnail photo and selected, “change picture.” Then, I went into the pictures on my laptop and chose the one of me I wanted. When I checked back on my gmail account, JadeGmailThumbnailit was my picture again.

It wasn’t until a week or so later that I put the cursor on top of my thumbnail picture with the intention of expanding it. When I did, there it was! Christian’s picture again in the expanded image!

After that, when I was on this Griefandmourning.com site, I noticed that if I put my cursor over the “google plus” icon on the upper left side of the page, there was Christian’s picture also! I guess this is fitting, since this whole website/blog is pretty much inspired and dedicated to the memory of him. Having his picture show up was interesting to me. I guess this is just Christian’s way of telling me that he is always with me and a reminder that he is close by.

Choosing Love

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"choosing love" meme

“Keep choosing love” meme

Choosing love doesn’t mean we won’t ever be hurt, disappointed or angry with someone. To ignore our feelings in the face of an upset would be inauthentic, since feelings are a natural part of being human. Choosing love only means that after we have fully acknowledged and experienced our feelings, that we allow the painful emotional energy to move quickly through us. This completion process is what makes healing possible, so we can get back to the business of experiencing our feelings of love again.

Choosing love doesn’t mean we have to share the same beliefs and values as another. It doesn’t mean we have to agree or have the same opinion either. In a world with so much diversity as ours, how could we all see things from exactly the same point of view?
Choosing love only means that we allow another to have his or her perspective, as well.

Choosing love doesn’t mean we have to like the choices people make or actions that they take. Many times we won’t. But, who are we to think someone should live his or her life according to all our expectations anyway? Choosing love only means that we still love them, even if we don’t approve.

Choosing love doesn’t mean you have to forget that someone hurt or violated you or someone you love, although you probably wish you could. Choosing love just means that to heal, forgiveness may be in order… not just for them, but especially for yourself; so you can find peace.
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In Memoriam Of Christian

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… whose life and untimely passing inspired the creation of this site. (Written in March 2013)

Christian, In my heart, I bring you flowers.

Christian, In my heart, I bring you flowers.

It was three years ago to this day that Christian, just twenty-five years of age, suddenly and unexpectedly passed away from a hemorrhaged arterial vascular mass in his brain. Fortunately for him, the painful process that led to his death was short-lived, as the time from onset to his passing only lasted approximately 45 minutes.

Although the process of Christian’s painful death was quick for the loved ones left behind, our painful experience of losing him was just beginning. Even though we were still alive, it was a kind of death for us made manifest in our attempts to live on without him.

Christian was an amazing contribution to this planet. His countenance radiated acceptance, patience and unconditional love. Whenever I got impatient or offended by someone’s words or actions, with the utmost of wisdom and compassion Christian would turn to me and say, “Choose love.” It was a bumper sticker he was referring to- one I picked up for him when I visited a Hindu Ashram in Taos, New Mexico, just 6 months earlier. But… it was also who he was and how he lived his life.

Christian’s death was shocking to those who knew and loved him. The impact of this loss left many to wonder why this amazing light upon the Earth would be taken at a time when the world needed light the most.
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Overcoming Fear- Facing Inner Demons

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Cartoon about comparing Inner Demons

Cartoon about comparing Inner Demons

They’re Ba-ack! I thought I’d already sent them packing once and for all, but apparently they didn’t listen very well. One thing is for sure; they expect you to listen perfectly to them! That’s why they come to catch you in a weak moment… and cornering you within the confines of your own head, relentlessly recite your past mistakes to you; like you somehow weren’t already aware of them! They tell you why you should or shouldn’t have done what you did, followed by a judgment… or five about it! You know, those errors you made in the past when you were young and less experienced. Or… even just yesterday, when you were unaware and didn’t consider every other possible choice than the one you did, and because you didn’t, this left you in a bad spot.

Maybe you’ve noticed them before… those critical voices in your head, that, like the mob coming to extort, yet, another payment from you, badger you, sometimes in a soft and subtle way, and sometimes in a loud and abrupt one. But either way, it all ends the same… they want you to pay for something. Even if you have already paid before, they forget… or don’t care… and come back for more! Their favorite currency is in the form of your guilt, shame and regret. So, unless you are blissfully unaware, conscience-less and don’t care, or have already learned the secret to making them stop, then… welcome to this awesome human experience! (kidding off course)

Throughout time, these disparaging voices have been referred to as, “the critical parent”, “the judge and jury”, “the committee”, or “inner demons”, just to name a few. And because they can be so damn mean, leave some convinced that these “mental tormentors” are really “outer demons”… as who would really do this to oneself?
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