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All posts in griefandmourning.com related to loss, death, after-death communication, near-death experience, out of body experience and all that is related to healing and the “other side.”

“Everything’s Okay”

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In an after-death communication Melanie received thirty years ago, Millie, Melanie’s mother-in-law, appears to comfort and relieve Melanie of her regret and guilt.

Melanie had always been very close to her mother-in-law, Millie. She loved her dearly. So when Ronald, Melanie’s husband at the time, got into a nasty fight with his mother and forbade Melanie from speaking to her, although it was emotionally painful to both her and Millie, Melanie supported her husband’s side of the argument.

Six months passed until Melanie was able to see Millie again. Unfortunately, it was at the hospital, after Millie had already passed. Now, what was left of Millie’s warmth and aliveness was her lifeless body lying in the hospital bed she had recently left. This was difficult for Melanie who had many regrets. During that six month of silence, how could Melanie know she would never see Millie alive again? In light of the new situation, Melanie thought about all that wasted time on something so pointless as this feud. Melanie was sorry to have been apart of it all.
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Still Connected

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Sarah shares a recent phone call after-death communication from her father, who passed exactly 5 years to the day.

image: pixabaySarah writes:
“Last night we received a phone call from my dad who passed away exactly 5 years ago. Our television, phone, and internet are all connected through the same cable service provider. So, anytime we receive a phone call, the phone will ring and the name of the person calling will appear on TV. At 5:40 pm last night the phone started ringing and on the TV the caller ID said: call from [my dad’s name]. The odd thing was that the number that the call was coming from was our own phone number. It’s not possible to actually call our own number. I was shocked and a little frightened so I didn’t pick up the phone. I let it go to voicemail. I waited fearfully for what I might hear. Then after our greeting and the tone, there was nothing – just silence.”

“What’s extremely odd is that the day and time of his call would mark the 5 year anniversary of his death. What is also odd is that he passed away at 5:40 am. The call came in at 5:40 pm. I wish I would have picked up the phone. I was just too shocked though. I wonder if I would have actually heard his voice.”
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The Dash That IS Your Life

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I once heard someone say that the dash between the date you were born and the date of your death IS your life. Looking at it from this perspective reveals a few things. For one, the dash is brief. Life may seem long when you are young, but the older you get, the faster it goes… and the more you understand how short it really is… and precious too.

Another thing – there is no information about the dash. It’s just a dash. However long we have inside this dash and what we do with it… is up to us. What will we do with the area between our birth and death that is our life?

Because lastly, when one has passed and the physical body is gone, the whole life of that person is distilled down to our memories of them. You see, the last physical evidence that we once existed IS what we leave in our place. It is the family with our DNA, the people we loved, knew and affected, our beloved pets, the things we owned, the photos we were captured in, the mark we made on the world, a grave marker with the date we were born, the date that we died and a dash in between… AND… hopefully some kind words to sum up how we and our whole life are remembered. This is what your dash is all about.

You see, being remembered is just that. Being RE-MEMBERED. Or in other words… being reconstituted in someone’s memory of you – who you were, how you lived your life and what you contributed to the world in which you lived. This is your legacy.

How will you be remembered? What will be said about your life? Did you make the world a better place in your stead?

It’s up to YOU! It’s your dash!

Something to think about.

In Loving Memory

Note: For a preview of how your final dash might be re-membered, see The Exit Interview

 

“It’s Okay To Heal”

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In this after-death communication dream, Crystal has a visit with her beloved Grandfather – an important male figure in her life, who through his love and dedication, was a stabilizing force and great source of comfort to her in such a turbulent world.

My GrandpaCrystal writes:
“My grandfather died at 92 years old on the morning of October 30, 2014.  The last few years of his life he had experienced a gradual decline.  He had been diagnosed with both prostate and bladder cancer.  He had gone through radiation, but the cancer persisted and spread to his bone.  At the age of 90, his doctors finally convinced him to give up treatment and go on hospice.”

“Several years previous, during open heart surgery, he died on the table.  After the surgery, he described to the family an encounter he had with God. He spoke to God and asked to stay to take care of my grandmother, who is in a wheelchair after an accident several years prior.  After the surgery, he lived with a very strong determination to be around to take care of her.  He also had a personal goal to live to 100 years old. These two things combined kept him going a lot longer than anyone expected.”
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A Sign of True Love

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In an after-death communication, Albana begs Ardit, her deceased boyfriend, for a sign and in his sign to her, Albana receives a message of love from an unusual source.

Albana writes:
“Something strange happened. You know that I told you that I was begging Ardit to bring me a sign? Three days ago, my best friend, Nancy, had a strange dream. In the dream, one girl came and gave my friend a box. She said to her, “Open this box. Here you’ll find the definition of true love.” My friend opened the box and inside was a heart made of straw. In the heart these words were written, ”For Albana with love. Sent from Ardit who is watching over you.”

“But, my friend forgot to tell me this dream. It was two nights later she had another dream. In this second dream, I came and said to her, “Nancy, you have to tell me something important. Remember.”
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Ryan’s Scent

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In a series a back and forth emails, Melanie writes about some of her most pressing questions and concerns regarding her son’s passing.

Melanie writes:
“My son, Ryan, passed away September 22, 2013. Before his viewing and services, I 
saw his face each day in the clouds. After his services, on October 2, 2013, he was cremated, and I have not seen his face in the clouds since.”

“One night, I was sitting, looking at his picture – just a crying. A scent came on my hands of him… of what he smelled like in the casket. It didn’t last long. About a week later, I was going to bed, and I noticed this odor was on my pillow when I went to lay down. I noticed this odor being much stronger than before. The following night, I got up around midnight to use the bathroom. I didn’t notice any odor then. It wasn’t until I entered my room again that I smelled the odor of many musty roses that filled my room. It lasted longer than any odor that has come. I knew this scent was different, but did not know why. Since that night, no odor has come again. I felt good knowing it was my son, but now I feel like he has gone and never to return to see me. Can this be?”

In an email back to Melanie, I answer:
“Your after-death-communication is beautiful. Your son wants you to know that he is trying to comfort you. Personally, I don’t think our loved ones can ever be gone; they are just without a physical body. I’ve found that they want us to adapt to living our life without them. Because we are in two different dimensions, it just makes it more practical. They want us to focus on our lives and not give up because of our loss and grief. Melanie, I believe that your son will always be with you, even when there is no direct evidence of him. He will guide you through your life. Could love do anything differently? It is our love that connects us together – despite our differing worlds or bodies. …I’m sure you have not seen the last of your precious son. Look for him in your dreams!”
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Together Again!

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Rebecca shares her mother’s after-death-visit with her grandson, Kenny, just before he escorts her into the next world with him.

Rebecca writes:

Kenny and Grandma

Kenny and Grandma

Another instance that happened to me after Kenny’s passing:  My mom gave up her fight for life after Kenny passed. He was the first grandson born in our family and my mom and he were very, very close.  My mom had a liver transplant in 1995 and received a ‘new lease on life’ and was able to enjoy her grandchildren.  When Kenny passed, she gave up the fight to live. She could not understand how this beautiful boy, at 23, passed away and she was still on this Earth.  My mom was hospitalized for about 5 weeks prior to her passing. Two days before she passed, she started talking about Kenny visiting her in the hospital.  My mother was still lucid as she was reciting events that happened when my siblings and I were children – it wasn’t the medicine that had her seeing Kenny is my point.  The last day she spoke was the full day before her passing. When I got to the hospital, I went to her side and held her hand. She opened her eyes and looked right at me, “Rebecca, Kenny’s here, he’s over there standing by the wall, just smiling at me….I think he’s waiting for me.”  She passed away 12 hours later.

After my mom passed, I went to see a Medium. I was told that my mom’s spirit came through and wanted to ‘thank me for singing to her and telling her it was okay to go’ – both of which I did. The Medium explained to me where I was in the hospital room, what side I was standing on and repeated what I had told my mom.  I asked her if anyone was there to greet my mother when she crossed over. The Medium said, “Yes, there were two male spirits – her father and her grandson.” (The grandson would be Kenny)
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Going Rouge

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Chris’s transformational journey from being an addict… to his eventually  recovery. 

Chris was a nice church-going youth when he took his first drink at 18. It wouldn’t be long before he found himself in a downward spiral of substance abuse, just a few years later.

Right from the start, Chris’s father was an angry dad. Far too many times, Chris and his brother took the brunt of his anger with his bullying and physical abuse. Complaining of their aches and pains, it was common for Chris to see his parents going for the pain pills to take away their misery. But after years of neglect and abuse at the hands of his father, Chris had his own suffering to relieve.

Chris moved quickly through the drugs; trying whatever was available to him at the time. To spite his parents, he departed from the straight and narrow life they had planned for him. He was on crank by the time he was 20. He liked the speedy feeling it gave him. Sometimes, needing a quick fix that he was unable to get other places, Chris dared to sneak some of his parent’s pills, or his grandparents pills; popping Lortab and snorting Oxycontin. By the time Chris was 23, he was addicted to meth. High on meth, he would go 3 to 4 days without sleep. He took drugs because he didn’t like who he was while sober. Whatever he used, he always used it with alcohol. Time would eventually reveal that no matter what substances were involved, alcohol was his true drug of choice!
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Those Yellow Trunks!

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The following after-death-communication is from Rebecca, the mother of Kenny, age 23, a brilliant young man who passed in his sleep from an accidental overdose.

“​I was awakened by my younger son and his father, Kevin, at 2:06 am on 7/7/12. Both were telling me that I had to get up and go upstairs.  I refused, I had a strong intuition that something was wrong with one of my children (I have 3).  Reluctantly, I walked upstairs to find 2 people from the Coroner’s office in my living room. I asked what they were doing in my house; I was told that my firstborn child, Kenneth Wayne McCormick III, my son who had graduated USC in 2011 and was living in Los Angeles to pursue his career, was ‘found by his roommates’ at about 7:00 p.m. on 7/6, a Friday evening.  They told me what the scene looked like in his apartment and that’s about all I can recall.  Somehow, later that same evening, I had closed my eyes in exhaustion and suddenly I was walking into my bedroom and there sat Kenny in a chair. I felt myself running to him and with a shriek I cried out, “I knew you wouldn’t leave me Kenny!!” Ken stood up and grabbed me into his arms and said, “Mom, I’m gone now.” The calmness in his voice compared to mine was astonishing.  “What do you mean??”, I screamed to him, “Please, please, Kenny, I can’t do this!! Please will you come back??” He pulled away from me and said, “MOM (his tone was strong, stern) I’ll be back, but not for a long time because SHE said I had a lot of work to do.”

Kenny hugged me, and I felt his head (he had a perfect head), the hug was a “Kenny” hug, a bear-like grasp. He looked right at me and said that he loved me and as I was holding on to him, BAM!!!, I woke up; I was still left with the feeling of his touch. I suddenly heard my daughter say, “Mom what are you doing? You are hugging the chair and nobody is in it.”
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Justin’s Note

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Pam had always cleaned the family tile and flooring shop that she and her husband owned. But because of physical pain, Pam was limited to no lifting when they were relocating the store. So Ryan, Pam’s eldest son, was doing the lifting for her. As Ryan lifted stacks of tiles off of the shelf, he noticed a crumbled piece of paper that fell to the floor. The place was a mess, and Ryan had no time to look at it. But, instead of allowing it to stay on the floor as something to be swept up later, something told him he’d better pick it up and look at it. Ryan was sure glad he did!

Dialing his mother back, Ryan said, “Are you coming this way? You might want to come this way. There’s a gift in an envelope on the board!”

By the sound of his voice, Pam knew it had something to do with Justin! (Justin was Pam’s son who had suddenly died in a skateboarding accident, in August, 2010.) With Pam excited by the possibility of seeing something of Justin’s, Joe, Pam’s husband, tried to ease her hopes with comments like, “Well, it could be.” But Pam was not deterred with anything he said. Such is a mother’s unrelenting hope!

When Pam arrived and as she approached the board, with gratitude, she broke down crying, as she discovered what she already knew… that her deceased son, Justin, had left her a note!
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There’s Nothing to Fear

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Wes writes the following after-death communication which occurred with his close friend, Miake.

“A few nights after I had moved back home to Forest Ranch, Ca from Eureka Ca, I woke up at 4 am in a frenzy about my very close lady friend, Miake M., whose house I had stayed at for the last three nights of my living in Eureka. I had the strongest intuitive feeling that something was very wrong with her. Where I was staying at my parents house- where I grew up, we had no telephone and cell phones didn’t work that far in the mountains either, so I got in the car and frantically drove three miles down the highway to ‘the phone call spot’ where the cell phone worked at the top of Platte Mountain. I was talking to myself on the way there saying ‘oh God, please don’t let it be so’ and such. When I got to the spot and called, a voice I didn’t recognize picked up. I was practically crying and in a frenzy said, ‘where’s Miake? What’s wrong?’ Only to find out that she was in the hospital in ICU and had swallowed a bottle of Norco in a moment of apparently, overwhelming despair and she was basically brain dead. Anyhow, a few weeks (?) later, I had a dream where I had a ‘phone call from heaven’ and it was her. I remember thinking I had so many questions to ask, but I think I didn’t know where to start.  Before I knew it, she had appeared before me. It was her, but a more perfected version of her, at peace and serene; like all the impurities and layers of negative experience and character traits she’d acquired in life were now gone. Of all the things that could be said, and I was expecting grand insights and tales of what it’s like after life, but all she said to me is this, “There’s nothing to fear. There’s nothing to fear”. I took it as religion is wrong, and the most hell experienced would be in a place where one is ‘burned’ of their impurities… and where they pay the price of any negative they’ve caused in life, and then return to the source as does everyone. Regardless, of my mere mortal perception, it was the best and only thing I suppose I could want to hear, if I could only hear one thing about death and where we go afterwards.”
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Healing From Death

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Albana writes to me of her deceased love, Ardit, when he appears in dreams, in two after-death-communications with Albana’s friends.

Yesterday my friend saw Ardit in her dreams. He was staring at a picture of us on the wall, and started crying, saying to her, “We were so beautiful together. How did I go like that and leave her alone?”

On another occasion, a few months later, Albana writes to me, “A strange thing happened. A friend of mine who knew Ardit, just from photos, saw him in her dream. In the dream, Ardit, me and my friend were in a room, but only my friend could see Ardit; I could not. Ardit told my friend, “Tell Albana that I am here with her all the time, and to not cry or be sad for me.” In the dream, I was wearing a pair of shoes, and when I walked they made a lot of noise. Ardit said to my friend, “Please tell Albana to remove those shoes, the noise is driving me crazy!!!!”

Commentary- It is not uncommon for deceased loved ones who want to get a message to the living, to go through other people; friends, family… and even perfect strangers. Perhaps it is the only way they can reach us at the time.
In the first dream, Ardit sorrowfully expresses his perspective on how fragile our existence in this life can be. He shares his regrets about the loss of “what once was”, and “what might have been.” Ardit’s words also point to the shocking eventuality that, even the “once living and full of life,” can so easily depart so suddenly and unexpectedly. Ardit’s words seem to indicate that, he too, is still adjusting to the newness of his death, and what he left behind.
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Business As Usual

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The following after-death-communication was sent in by a reader named Nancy.

photoXpress

photoXpress

My husband died on November 14, 1999. On January 10, 2000, I received a phone call from my husband in a dream. It was a lucid dream in which I tried desperately to ask my husband what day it was; I wanted to show proof that he had called. I said “Jack, today is January 10; you died on November 14.” I pled with him to tell me where he was – again, my aim being to prove I spoke with him. His only responses were those of normal conversations we had during his life. He would not respond to my questions; just continued to talk about work, daily tasks of the day, etc. I know in my soul that it was Jack – telling me “business as usual.” This is the most profound occurrence in my life. It is true.

Commentary- Lucid dreaming is a powerful way for deceased loved ones to communicate with us. The lucidity makes it easier for us to remember the messages given to us, when we awaken. Sometimes our loved ones come to give messages that are obvious and outright, while other times their messages are cryptic, symbolic, figurative and/or metaphorical, as in Nancy’s dream. Jack’s message was to assure his wife that the “other side” is not so different from this world, implying to her that he is fine and there is nothing for her to worry about. To her, Jack’s visit made all the difference in the world… this world!

“The Mix” by J.V.

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It was just another weekend up at the cabin that Pam and Joe planned to entertain their friends. But because of a fluke allergic reaction to an antibiotic, Pam was unable to attend, so Joe went ahead instead. Also… not so coincidentally, Justin, Pam’s son, being blown off by his friends, was left at home as well. Nevertheless, the circumstances of events enabled mother and son to spend one last precious weekend on Earth together.

The date was Saturday, August 28, 2010, when Pam noticed an infected cut from a skateboard injury on Justin’s leg. It was when Pam attempted to doctor her son’s wounds, over Justin’s adamant objections, that the following conversation took place…

Justin, who was just a few weeks from his 22nd birthday, teased his mother, “You don’t think I’m going to get out of here without a few bumps and scrapes, do you?” To that, Pam replied, “Justin! The 30-year-old version of you wants you to take care of yourself!”

“Mom?” Seeming to somehow know he needed to deliver this message, Justin said, “When I die… I want you to donate my organs.” “Well, when I die”, Pam chuckled, “I want you to donate my body to a cadaver lab and save some money!” Pam’s doctoring never happened that day, but an important conversation had.

JustinIt was 4:30 pm the next day, Sunday, August 29, 2010, that Justin handed his mother a Cd he made for her, entitled “The Mix” by J.V., Sweetness for Peace of Mind.” (The songs were a mix of Justin’s favorite tunes; a Cd that would become a most precious gift to a grieving, but grateful mother.)

Shortly after giving his mother this gift, Justin left the house to literally go – head-on into the skateboarding accident that would eventually claim his life.
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