Hope After Suicide

Wendy shares about a painful time in her life; the time her mother ended her own life. Wendy was only twelve and the oldest of five children.

It was an early morning on April 16, 1975, when Wally found his beloved 31 year-old wife, Linda, dead in a pool of her own blood. He screamed, then closed and locked the bathroom door behind him, trying to hide the scene from their young five children. Frantically pacing the floor, Wally asked his daughter, Wendy, to watch the kids and not to let anyone, under any conditions, open the bathroom door. While in his pajamas, Wally ran quickly to his Bishops house down the street to get help.

Shortly, after Wally and his Bishop returned, Marjean, the Bishop’s wife, swooped up the children to take them safely to her home. Wendy was just twelve years old. She was her mother’s right arm in taking care of her ten year-old brother, Cary, seven year-old sister, Marie, four year-old brother, Drew, and her baby sister, Annie, barely one year old.

Just six months earlier, Linda had suffered cardiac arrest and had been recovering from it ever since. At first, it was easy to infer that their mother died of a heart attack, certainly it was more humane to those who could not understand. But it wasn’t too long before one of the kids, the Police chief’s son, told Wendy what really happened. “She shot herself,” Brad said authoritatively, to which Wendy angrily countered, “No, she had a heart attack!” Then, Wendy went home to find out the painful truth.

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Together Again!

Rebecca shares her mother’s after-death-visit with her grandson, Kenny, just before he escorts her into the next world with him.

Rebecca writes:

Kenny and Grandma
Kenny and Grandma

Another instance that happened to me after Kenny’s passing:  My mom gave up her fight for life after Kenny passed. He was the first grandson born in our family and my mom and he were very, very close.  My mom had a liver transplant in 1995 and received a ‘new lease on life’ and was able to enjoy her grandchildren.  When Kenny passed, she gave up the fight to live. She could not understand how this beautiful boy, at 23, passed away and she was still on this Earth.  My mom was hospitalized for about 5 weeks prior to her passing. Two days before she passed, she started talking about Kenny visiting her in the hospital.  My mother was still lucid as she was reciting events that happened when my siblings and I were children – it wasn’t the medicine that had her seeing Kenny is my point.  The last day she spoke was the full day before her passing. When I got to the hospital, I went to her side and held her hand. She opened her eyes and looked right at me, “Rebecca, Kenny’s here, he’s over there standing by the wall, just smiling at me….I think he’s waiting for me.”  She passed away 12 hours later.

After my mom passed, I went to see a Medium. I was told that my mom’s spirit came through and wanted to ‘thank me for singing to her and telling her it was okay to go’ – both of which I did. The Medium explained to me where I was in the hospital room, what side I was standing on and repeated what I had told my mom.  I asked her if anyone was there to greet my mother when she crossed over. The Medium said, “Yes, there were two male spirits – her father and her grandson.” (The grandson would be Kenny)

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Higher-Self Communication

There are times in our lives when we want or need to talk to a particular person in order to complete something of importance, BUT, actually doing so… may seem too difficult for us, if even impossible. Reasons for this lack of communication may include:

  • Not knowing the person well enough, so approaching them could be awkward or even embarrassing.
  • We speak different languages.
  • We’ve lost contact, with no way of locating them.
  • This person may live too far away, and maybe, even so far away that they are no longer on this planet.
  • The person we want or need to speak to isn’t in a good position to be contacted by us, or… if we did contact them, perhaps they would refuse to speak to us, or hear our message.
  • Or maybe… it is even our own pride that prevents us from speaking with them.
  • The one we want to speak to is an animal.

But, it’s possible that this is the most difficult one of all…

  • It could be that the issues between the two are so sticky, that every attempt to sort things through leaves those involved with an attitude of defensiveness and frustration, causing both to walk away while throwing their arms up in the air in sheer resignation!

You may have experienced this before. Completely discouraged by the many attempts to communicate, but to no avail, and now… you’ve finally given up the thought and hope that this issue between the two of you could ever be rectified.

But… whatever the circumstances are, it ends the same; you are left with the sense of the incompletion that continually hangs over your head, just begging to be resolved and put to rest.

More than likely, what you really wanted or needed to tell this person was something that you never got a chance to say; for example: to give an apology, to ask or accept forgiveness, to straighten something out, to make a request or to give them your love and/or blessings? Or maybe, you just wanted to be heard and were uncertain that you ever were in the past.

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Saving the World…

Atlas lifting the world
Atlas lifting the world

… and life’s other fun activities!

A few weeks ago, I joined a fitness club; I figured it was time. Concerned that if I didn’t keep moving, someday I wouldn’t be able to move at all. So faithfully I went to the gym everyday to lift some weights and get back into the swing of things.

After not belonging to a gym for, at least, a decade and a half, I was pumping iron like I was preparing for an upcoming Zombie apocalypse! It actually felt good, as I had missed the kind of energy that comes from a good workout.

So there I was, working out and enjoying some newfound energy… but… “what was the commotion going on in the room next door,” I thought to myself, where I could hear loud music and people having so much fun? With my curiosity piqued, I walked over to look through the wall of windows separating one room from the other. I pretended not to stare too obviously as I tried to figure it out.

people doing Zumba
people doing Zumba

As it turned out, Zumba, the Latin dance workout, was just ending for the hour, resulting in a bunch of sweaty, but smiling women leaving the studio. During all my years of gym inactivity, I had heard of the word, Zumba, but never actually knew what it was or seen it in action. Back at the gym now, and determined to be part of this fun, I returned later that night for a class, excited and ready to go!

Being a beginner, I cautiously took the back row. The upside was that I couldn’t be seen by all of those really experienced Zumba dancers in front of me; the downside was that I could barely see the instructor! Well, my determination and excitement was short-lived as I only lasted about 5 minutes before exiting the room… embarrassed, out of breath and clutching my side.  (Gosh, did I really just admit to that?)

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Broken Marriage… A Fairy-tale Ending

A girl dreaming of Prince Charming
A girl dreaming of Prince Charming

As a young bright-eyed girl, Emily had the promise of a fairy-tale life ahead of her. Born into a faithful Mormon family, she was raised from birth with high ideals and hopeful intentions. Growing up, Emily prepared herself for the day when she would blossom into a beautiful young lady, who would someday meet her wonderful Prince Charming, and together, live out their life in wedded bliss.

Prince and Princess kiss
A Prince and Princess

In true fairy-tale form, it would happen. On one unsuspecting day, their paths would cross; their eyes would meet, and enchanted by the spell of possibility, both she and her Prince would fall magically in love. As a worthy young lass, this Princess would finally be wed to her Prince, “for time and all eternity” in the Latter Day Saints Temple; her beautiful castle set upon the hill. Then, naturally, both would ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after.

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Never Alone

Ariel View at Burning Man
Ariel View at Burning Man

With a full heart and exhausted body, I recently returned home from my ten-year anniversary trip to the Black Rock desert, where over 60,000 people from all over the world made their pilgrimage this year to be “welcomed home” to Black Rock City. Grateful was I because of the love, beauty and transformation I experienced there. Exhausted, because I didn’t want to close my eyes for one second, for fear I might have missed something completely amazing.

The fun on the Burning Man playa- people having fun
The fun on the Burning Man playa

Burning Man… a dusty desert and magical land of radical self-expression, self-reliance and inclusiveness is where I sojourned for eight days of unbelievable adventure. Within this amazing city, the pouring out of love could be witnessed almost everywhere as fun-loving citizens contributed their time, talents, wisdom and creativity to the mix. The results? An experience of synchronistic magic, miracles and fun, where wide-eyed participants ventured off onto the playa with all the innocence of little children.

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Free from the Past!

With all our personal history behind us, sometimes it’s hard to believe that we are not our past. We feel it so completely; the same old thoughts, the same old emotions, and just like the rigidity of DNA programming, the same old relentless stories from the past dictating who we are or need to be. Now, this is not so much an issue if your past is informing you of how good and powerful you are. BUT, if the messages from the past are negative and destructive to your growth, development and happiness, then it’s time to cut the cords and be set free!

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Desiderata

Desiderata was written by a relatively unknown American author, Max Ehrmann, in 1927. Later, in 1959, Reverend Frederick Kates of Saint Paul’s Church, Baltimore, included Desiderata in a sermon for his congregation, which eventually spread and became a big hit.
Desiderata contains many pearls of wisdom for living a peaceful and joyous existence upon this planet.  In it, the unknown author details a perspective for “keeping peace with your soul” while navigating your way through a challenging world. All useful information.

The popular 1970’s song, written by Wes Crane, is included in the link below. I realize, being from the 70’s, that this music is dated and a little bit cheesy, but I couldn’t resist. It still has a good and powerful vibe, and besides, it’s only a matter of time before it’s back in style again! Here’s to being a happy and fulfilled child of the Universe!

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The House by the Side of the Road

The Stage of Life
The Stage of Life

This poem represents the human experience, and in it, the varying cast of characters that share the stage of life with us. As fellow travelers crossing over to “stage right” or “stage left”, we assume that our roles have been permanently cast. With our character and lines already set, we have forgotten that we are only actors playing a part.

As actors following yesterday’s scripts, we could allow our negative opinions and left-over prejudices and attitudes to dictate how we will treat another. Or, with the continual conscious choice of love, kindness, tolerance and compassion, we could change the script of this world, thereby, making this stage a better place for life to play out.

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