In this after-death communication, Diane gets an important message of how to heal the loss of her mother, from her mother.

Diane writes-
“I had lost my Dad when I was 10 years old in 1958. Mom raised us alone. I lost my Mom in 1999. She was my best friend. I was raising my 4 year-old grand daughter at the time when I had the following experience.

One night, while in bed, my throat was burning from the pain of trying not to cry. All of a sudden my grand daughter who was lying next to me, said, “Grandma. Big Grandma wants to talk to you.” That is what she was called to distinguish the difference between herself and I.”

“Even though we were both in a sleep state at the time, I have this two-way conversation memorized because it was so ingrained in me. The dialogue went like this.”

Me: “Mom is that you?”
Mom: “Yes?”
Me: “Are you in heaven?”
Mom: “Yes.”
Me: “Have you seen Dad?”
Mom: “Yes.”
Me: “I love you.”
Mom: I love you,”
Me: “But, it’s so hard.”
Mom: “Diane. You have to get comfortable.”

Then, she was gone.

My grand daughter also remembers that Mom told her that she wanted to talk to me. It happened while we were both still sleeping. I only remembered it in the morning when I woke up. It has been 31 years and I have never forgotten what happened or the conversation with my Mom. Still, this has given me so much peace.

By the way, when Mom was alive, she saw Dad twice.

Commentary-

The Being Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable Stage

I found that there is a stage in the grief process that falls somewhere after the worst of the worst emotions and before the stage of actual healing. I call it the “Being comfortable with being uncomfortable” stage. The message that Big Grandma said to her daughter about getting comfortable after Big Grandma’s death, gave the perfect introduction to this unique and undistinguished stage of grief.

More about Being Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable

It’s not an acute and brutal stage, like some of the others. It seems to exist more in the later experience and analytical deduction of some amount of acceptance. Meaning, the acceptance that what happened happened and there is not much to do about it. But, don’t get me wrong, even though this is a slightly more manageable stage to experience, there is still plenty of grief to go around from time to time.

Is This As Good As It Gets?

Although, it is still nothing that one would choose to feel on a consistent basis, I would describe it as a chronic malaise, sprinkled in with occasional sadness . For me, it was the constant, consistent realization that, considering the magnitude of the loss, this stage might be as good as life gets. My logical response was to settle in and make the best of it.

Keep Going Toward Complete Healing

If someone who is on the grief path is in this place, it might occur like this is the end of the grief cycle. I mean, it’s not too bad. There is still sadness, but nothing like before. It’s doable to stay in this place, however, this too, is just a part of the grief path and it is important to know that, after some time goes by, it is possible to heal completely.

I call this the uncomfortable stage because one is slightly miserable but there is not much to do to fix it. It’s uncomfortable because there has been a fair amount of chaos and trauma that has been experienced thus far that, although it can agitate at times, generally the impact of the experience is in a calming down phase. It’s just uncomfortable. It’s also not like there is anything you can do about it except to experience it.

An Important Point About Healing

To heal completely, it is important to experience all the stages of grief for as long as it takes. Some of them are really painful and some, more uncomfortable. But to not experience the trauma that has so deeply affected you and be willing to give voice to the depth, width and breadth of that loss, difficult as it is… is to either, sweep it under the rug or prolong the pain and take the risk of never being healed. The grief process takes a fair amount of courage and determination. It’s definitely not for sissies!

Not The Worst Thing In The WorldSo, learning to be comfortable with the uncomfortable is not the worst thing in the world. Diane’s mom said it perfectly. “You have to get comfortable.” Death and grief are not going away anytime soon. As part of life, experiencing pain is a part we would rather not deal with. Then, coming to the stage of being able to get comfortable with being uncomfortable serves us and is the next step closer to healing. This is what Diane’s mother came to say and wanted for her daughter the most as she pointed the way to peace and complete healing.

Breaking Through