Stuck in His Own Private Hell

When Laura happens onto an after-death communication gathering, through a psychic medium, Laura’s father attempts to claim his mistakes and begs her forgiveness.

Laura writes:
“My dad took his life 8 years ago. When he was living, we did not have much of a relationship. He was a mean alcoholic and a son of a bitch. He was an OBGYN as well. I survived a lot of trauma from him through my years; physical and mental abuse.”

“As I grew up and moved away, I really didn’t have much to do with him. I always, though, had a feeling I was molested somehow or that he “did” something to me. But, because I had no memory of it, I could not be sure.”

“At age 48, I went to a ADC gathering with a very powerful medium, named Celena. At this gathering, as she got to me, she gave me a lot of great guidance from my angels/guides. But then she said that my dad needed to say something. I told her “no.” And then my grandmother came through (my dad’s mom), and I asked her to tell me. She said, “It is not to be said in this room of people.” Yikes! I thought!”

“(Mind you, Celena had no idea who I was, or that my dad or grandma were gone.)”

“It all creeped me out. For the next 2 years, I struggled with my emotions. But I thought I had forgiven my dad for the things I remembered. I had even tried to tell him I forgave him….”

“About 3 weeks ago, a friend wanted to do another ADC gathering with Celena. So we did. This time, when Celena came in the house, I greeted her and said that I knew she did not remember me from 2 years ago, but I was glad she was here. She said, “You’re Laura? Your dad has been throwing things in my house for 2 days. He wants to speak to you.” Again, I told her not in this group setting, but that I would come see her the next day.”

“What she told me was this: “Your dad needs to ask your forgiveness to start to find any peace. He is in his own Hell. He touched you inappropriately when you were 8/9 years old. He is sorry. He says he was sick in the head and it was passed down through DNA even though, he himself, was never molested. He said he was smart about how to hide it and that’s why he became an OBGYN.”

“I was very upset, hurt, freaked out and angry for a week or so. I didn’t think he should have told me. That it did not help me to know this. I still can’t recall the instances either, so it’s haunting me. But as more time has passed, I do think it was helpful. It allowed me to KNOW I was not crazy. To KNOW why I am the way I am. And many, many things have shifted in a positive way for me since he “told” me.”

“I think he is in his own hell for sure, but this is how he can try to make amends and move forward in the realm he is in. We must heal as much as we can in this physical body before we pass, I believe, or we WILL carry it with us to the realm of non-physical.”

Commentary- Like many young ones, Laura suffered under the control and abuse of her father’s dominance over her; someone she should have been able to trust, but couldn’t. What is far too common is the fact that many people endure such abuse by the hands of a loved one. Laura mentions that she “always” had “the feeling” that some form of molestation took place, but although she could not remember it, this made it difficult to actually verify, for certain. 

Working with people throughout the years as a Spiritual Advisor and Coach, I have learned the importance of believing a client when they say they have had “the feeling” that something happened to them. Although degrees of sexual abuse exist from something as subtle and unassuming as innuendo and suggestion through a perpetrator’s actions and words, it can go all the way over to the other extreme, to full on contact, in which there is absolutely no question that it happened. That’s only if the victim can remember though. When I was studying Social Work back in the late 1980’s, I was surprised to learn that 1 out of 3 people have experienced some form of sexual abuse. That’s a lot of people. I’m not sure about that statistic today, but I’m sure it is no less.

I too, had a brush with an inappropriate encounter when I was 12 years of age, when my girlfriend’s perverted Uncle decided to flash me his erect junk, while trapping me in a room with him. Luckily, I escaped the situation, but it could have been much worse. Strangely, though my body remained mine, still, the shock of this experience has stayed with me my whole life. I never did tell my mother. I guess I didn’t want any trouble.

Well, that’s pretty much how it goes for many people. The victim holds the secret while the perpetrator carries on. Now, I know my friend’s Uncle was just trying to be funny and freak me out… and freak me out he did! But like I said, this pretty much came out of the blue and this “joke” wasn’t very funny to me, as something even this minor has left some lasting impressions. Look. I’m even talking about it still! How one is affected by something of this nature really depends on how sensitive the psyche of the individual is. As an empathic person, my psyche has always been very sensitive.

People handle abuse in different ways. Some blow it off, some don’t remember and some are traumatized enough to need some form of therapy to get resolution. We don’t know what Laura got stuck with exactly, only that she had “the feeling” that something had happened to her. But, although she thought she had already forgiven her father for all that he did, and might have done to her, she received a bonus with what happened next.

At an after-death communication gathering, Laura was surprised to run into this medium who, when it came her turn in the circle, knew of her situation. It is obvious that this was something that needed to come out. Perhaps not just then, but eventually. It’s interesting that her father would be willing to confess his transgressions even in a group of people. Even though he was not visible to the naked eye, at the time, he was still coming forth with his urgent confession.

While this potentially uncomfortable information could be a little unnerving for Laura to hear, it makes sense that this medium, Celena, found her way into Laura’s sphere. Since Laura had cut off communication with her father while in life, no doubt this lack of connection extended after he was gone, as well. You can begin to see that, to the degree that it is important for us to resolve our negative issues as one who is living, it is also very important for our loved ones who have passed away, to resolve theirs too; hence the many attempts it took for Laura’s father to reach Laura through another, in order to handle his dilemma and move forward in order to find some peace.

Stuck in his own private hell

Stuck in his own private hell

As for Laura’s father’s suicide, for the most part, when people are struggling in life, feeling like they are stuck and trapped, in the dark, all alone, out of integrity with the truth of themselves, and with no where to go, they often think that suicide will solve all their problems. The thing is, when one chooses to end their life to escape how they “think and feel”, it is only the physical life that is ended, one’s consciousness continues on. This state of mind is often what people refer to as “hell.” Coming to the brink of choosing suicide means that one has reached the tail end of their coping abilities. This signals the exhaustion and end of all possibility. The end. So, as the brain thinks… there is nothing left to do but deconstruct.

And, while the brain thinks it will get relief from the tremendous emotional and mental pain it experiences on a continual basis, it just might… because, being organic, it WILL die. The problem is… we find out something different. We become very clear that we were not our brains, we just had them. Our brains that allowed us to function and operate our bodies, make decisions and survive and navigate this physical existence. But when the physical “US” is gone, the spiritual “US” … our consciousness, continues on… sometimes even in the unfinished business that causes pain.

In life, there are consequences. Everything we do has one. To think that we can take this drastic measure and not expect a consequence is to think we don’t exist beyond the grave. And while some might think this way, they may find that they are in a state of mind that rather resembles the “hell” people have referred to since the beginning of time. And besides, even though it seems not to be the case while experiencing suicidal thoughts, it is easier to handle the issues in the flesh, and not as a spirit that could exist dimensions away.

When Laura was finally able to meet with Celena, Laura was upset at the message given to her by her father, as no one likes to have subconscious material forced up to the surface of the consciousness unless they are ready for it. Even then, it can cause one to re-live and re-experience many painful emotions from the past. Although, originally, this episode brought up some uncomfortable stuff that Laura thought she would rather not deal with, after the metaphorical “emotional and mental dust” cleared, she could see that this was to her benefit. Mutually beneficial, her father now had an opportunity to accomplish his goal as well.

In this realm, we are here to learn, grow, experience and gain perspective, until it is our time to go. If we are choosing to go before our time is finished, and it is specifically decided to avoid how we feel and because we have reached the end of our coping abilities, perhaps this is an indication and invitation to develop some new ones. However, this was not the case for Laura’s father. Trapped was he in life. How could he admit his guilt? How could the ego of this Doctor who takes a vow to “do no harm” justify his actions? How could a father admit wrongdoing to his innocent and precious child? He couldn’t and live. So, after the fact, he had to find a way to make things right so he could leave the darkness and his pain and move to the light for some well needed peace and healing.

Although hell could be an actual place, I guess, I’m pretty sure that this place is created by ourselves. Laura’s father suffered greatly over his words and actions in life, as well as his lack of integrity, as living a life with no personal integrity carries great pain with it. The experience of “hell” is of wrong-doings unexposed to light, that sit and fester, hidden in the darkness, rotting away as one awaits relief and release from this hellish self-imposed imprisonment. But first, one must attempt to right the wrong.

So now, many things have shifted in a positive way for Laura. She no longer has to feel that she is “CRAZY.” By the way, this is the way a victim of a secret about what happened to them, with or without memory, often feels. They feel crazy and often second guess themselves when something is nagging them, or even screaming at them that a personal boundary was crossed. But, overall, I’d say this is a win-win for both Laura and her father, that these revelations were exposed, to be offered up to the light, to be illuminated and healed. There’s no cleanser like light!

There is no doubt in my mind that Laura’s life would shift, as there is no longer something holding her in that same place. Now she is free, herself. And, finally, I have no doubt that Laura’s father was able to learn from these mistakes, let these things go and begin to live in the light, for now, he is ready.

I’m sure if Laura met her father today, after he has healed some, she would find that he is a changed being. Perhaps… he’d be more of the father she wished she’d had in her past. But then, where would the gift of mercy and grace be, if it hadn’t happened the way it did? And, where would the gift of forgivness and healing be, if she’d not had the opportunity to grant it? When all is said and done, it’s amazing that we, as imperfect people are able to learn by our mistakes, admit our wrongs and make amends. As someone who has been wronged, it is equally amazing to be able to extend mercy, forgiveness and grace, to those who have trespassed our boundaries.

Many times, we try to do life on our own, we cut people out because of this and that, but we still need people. After all… they are an important part of our education here. We are all together in this Earthly experience here, and totally intertwined, probably more than we realize. And thank goodness for people like Celena who act as mediums and channels for those who, for some reason or another, are not as open to receiving these messages for themselves.

So now, with the secret of his sins behind him, Laura’s father leaves the darkness and is able to move on to that healing light. In the end, what was made possible in this gift of love was healing for both. It only took a creative way for it to happen. Laura could never have known that she held the key to her father’s release from the darkness, all along. And for Laura’s father… he could not have known that his freedom was just for the sincere asking.

3 thoughts on “Stuck in His Own Private Hell

  1. Pretty amazing work from the medium to be that spot on. Great commentary as well jade. It takes some serious forgiveness and insight to turn a creepy experience into positive change in your life.

  2. I’m sorry that that happened to you as a child.
    Let’s hear it though for this chance you had to offer forgiveness and healing.

  3. What a difficult, but powerful journey. Thank you for sharing this experience and your transformation towards healing and acceptance. And I appreciate your words Jade…not always easy to see the freedom that might be possible when our sins and sorrows are brought into the light.

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