Is Suicide the Answer?

Since Raj’s tragic passing, Archana has been devastated enough to consider suicide. But this time, Raj asks her to promise to serve out her purpose without him.

Archana writes:
“Yesterday when I got up, I stood in front of God’s photo and said, “It’s enough, and I’m tired. Please take me back to you!”

“Even while talking to a friend at another time, I said, “I have no intention of living. Every day, I wake up hoping it should be the last day. But somehow, death is not ready for me yet.”

Godavari River

Godavari River. Across the river where Raj drown.

“Well, last night, I had a dream where I was at the river bank where Raj tragically drowned. In my dream, I was talking to a friend about how the tragedy happened. Then, to my surprise, Raj came walking up in the sand and sat down next to me. I smiled at him and asked, “When is my turn? I want to be with you.” He took my hand in his and said, “Promise me that you’ll not commit suicide.”

“I don’t remember what happened after that, but it felt good to know that Raj was listening to my words. Still… it’s really tough to take so much pain in one life.”

Commentary- Suffering the loss of a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences that anyone could ever have to face. In this case, Raj was Archana’s life and future… and she was his. And finally, after many social and cultural complications to work through, this beautiful Indian couple were soon planning to be married.

In their most beautiful dreams, Archana and Raj envisioned a wonderful life. A life where, together, they could stand strong and fearless to face the uncertain world before them. And born of their strength, commitment and love, the precious children they would bring into the world to have, to raise and enjoy. Oh, the blissful joy that could be experienced with their little family, as they happily grew old together, their loving bond as a shield to protect them, while they weathered life’s worst storms together.

There was such promise for this young couple who had first met and began in October of 2002. Yes, the future looked bright for them and this “forever after” was finally to be realized. But then without notice, something terrible happened that quickly turned this beautiful dream into a horrendous nightmare.

Raj

Raj. This image was taken the day before his death.

It was in the month of April, 2015, that Raj went away and Archana’s dreams and heart shattered into a million tiny pieces, which would seem impossible to ever repair. There was a lot for her to grieve. There would be days she would spend in total disbelief. There were the days she felt numb and life-less. There was the anger, sadness and despair, along with an array of different emotions experienced upon the spectrum of pain and suffering. Then, there were always the endless supply of tears that fell softly… and sometimes, violently, upon the beautiful face Raj loved.

Those earliest days without her beloved Raj, left Archana’s life almost unbearable to live in. With such a devastating loss and with the physical absence of Raj, Archana’s existence was sorrowful and bleak, to say the least. She lived in a world with neither possibility nor purpose.

As if Raj’s death was not difficult enough for Archana to bear, grieving was made worse by the constant negativity and harassment she was subjected to, by many of the people in her life that were opposed to her and Raj being together in the first place. Yes, this included her family too.

Because of this, Archana spent a lot of time within herself; processing and dealing with her grief the best way that she could. But in her suffering, and with no one to talk to, Archana did consider suicide from time to time. She even made a few unsuccessful attempts that left her still living in her private world of sheer hell.

Interestingly enough, it was October 22, 2016, about a year and a half after Raj’s passing, and also, on the 14-year anniversary of their beginning, that Archana, having had enough of this world, wearily, stood before God’s picture and pleaded for him to bring her home. But nope. That didn’t happen. Instead… it was on that night that Raj came to her in a dream. On the banks of the River Godavari, where he perished, he walked once again and sat by her side. Lovingly, he listened to her pleas. Then, asked for her promise to not end her life prematurely.

For some in so much pain, this would be a difficult promise to make and keep, but pain and darkness can be deceiving. For somewhere under the cover of darkness and in the depths of devastating pain, disguised and hard to see at first, also lurks the hidden light of purpose and possibility. It is only for us to find it through our strength and courage, yet two other important tools.

Suicide is something that is considered under certain conditions. But who or what is in us that wants to suicide and sees this as a viable option? Let’s take a closer look.

When one considers suicide as an option, it is because, in one’s brain, all other coping skills have been exhausted. The brain sees no other choice than to self-destruct. You see, even though the brain’s main duty is programmed for survival at all costs, when there is great mental or emotional pain that the brain can see no coping strategy solution which will stop and remedy the painful problem, some brains feel that they have failed and all is lost. And because of this, the brain then impulsively jumps to the conclusion of worthlessness, defeat and death, when just taking some time to experience this uncomfortable state, could be all one might need, to move ahead with courage.

Here is the good news. YOU ARE NOT YOUR BRAIN! Yes, I’m talking to YOU!

I mean, you have a brain that does a lot of awesome things. It keeps your heartbeat going, allows you to breathe without thinking about it. The brain runs all of the functions of the body really well. But sometimes… it’s not that great in the emotional, mental, psychological department. Then… when some terrible things happen- there is a shortage of mental, emotional and psychological tools available with which to deal. Although people have a brain to think, feel and to operate bodily functions and systems with, people also have a certain consciousness that is not necessarily tied or limited to just the brain.

*Note: If you are reading this and are suicidal, you need to get help immediately. There are people who specialize in getting you the quick help you need. Emergency resources.

One of the best tools against suicide is to give yourself the space you need to consider everything in your life. Slow down. If you can do it now, you can always do it later on. Talk it out with someone. Tell someone what’s going on and how you feel. Get the help you need!

While surfing the internet on how to commit suicide, Archana happened upon one of my posts about suicide, called, The Exit Interview. Although she was looking for ways to commit suicide, it seems that my post slowed her down enough to think it through. While each person is responsible for their own choices, taking the time to go through this Exit Interview will give well-needed perspective, which, along with time, consideration and communication, are amazing tools to put in one’s metaphorical tool box. And, I want to be clear that, although I recognize that people have a choice of how they live or don’t live their lives, I don’t advise suicide. Although it might seem to be an answer of relief to the one who would be leaving, it is a painful living hell for those left behind who were helpless to do enough to have stopped it. Being someone who has “been there” before, (both ends of this), I advise time, perspective, consideration and communication, simply because… it works.

Something might have gone really wrong for someone in life, but please keep in mind, there is nothing that can’t be worked through, given time, perspective, consideration and communication. Life can expose us to some painful mental and emotional experiences, but living through them, and actively dealing with them, will NOT kill us… although we might wish they would at the time. Dealing with these uglies will give us the tools to make us strong, wise and more capable to dealing with the stresses of life, and more peaceful too.

Of course, there is the scenario where one needs medication to maintain proper brain chemical balance. If this is the case, make sure to visit a doctor. But, I’m not referring to this in my post, and I am not a doctor. I’m talking about situational experiences in life, such as a loss, that force a person to have to cope and/or work out some of life’s most difficult problems.

When someone is dealing with the worst mental/emotional stuff, caused by life asserting its will on us, what we usually find is that the person experiencing this personal hell has a perspective that has become void of all purpose or possibility. Without any purpose or possibility, what is the point to life? Then… because of that thought, the brain might consider suicide to be an answer. But is it really?

My question for this person is… What’s it going to take to change your perspective? What’s it going to take to adopt some new purpose and possibility into your life? Remember… time, perspective, consideration and communication. It works!

So now, having lived through some pretty devastating stuff, over her 18 months of dealing with her loss, Archana has developed some of her own powerful tools of coping that will help her get through her life. And as she continues to heal, her metaphorical tool box will grow in size. Her new tools earned and acquired will serve to be an inspiration for those who watch and follow, for misfortune could happen to anyone.

Beloved Raj

Beloved Raj

Since Archana’s dream with Raj, on the same river bank where he perished, life has been more manageable. She doesn’t feel suicidal anymore, even though there is some continuing pain. Sure, she misses him dearly. She misses what might have been. But, she has made the choice to live, because, she says,”When I’m living, I’m loving Raj more and more. Raj is an example of love and trust that goes beyond life and death.” Notice, that Archana is using the power of love as one of her tools.

Archana’s dream visitation from Raj is very poignant as it conveys a powerful message to Archana. In it, there is Raj, sitting beside Archana, on the exact place of his passing. After Raj listens to Archana’s concerns, with love, he gently takes her hand, and just like a proposal, he asks Archana to choose the promise of life. In that very place where Raj’s physical life expired, and with her newly made vow, what Raj has really asked of Archana is to dare to live life with all the courage and strength that it takes to do so, without him physically by her side.

River bank

River bank

No, death was not ready for Archana on the many days she had asked to leave this life. It’s still not. And, although she may not be quite 100% healed yet as the million shattered pieces of her dreams and heart will take more time to mend, like the once defeated Phoenix burning itself to the ground, what Archana really accepted from Raj that night, was the vow and promise to be reborn and rise up from the ashes of her pain and suffering (the river bank where it all happened), with renewed life, purpose and possibility to become the newer, stronger and wiser version of the girl she once knew.

Although Raj is no longer of the physical world, this in no way affects the depth of their continued spiritual love and commitment to one another, as Archana has had the opportunity to receive many after-death communications from her beloved, Raj. This has made it possible for her to know without any doubt, that, although their dreams in life were once interrupted, and although her heart broke with pain, their love continues to live on until they are reunited again someday. And… that’s when their real “forever after” will be truly realized.

16 thoughts on “Is Suicide the Answer?

  1. Jade knew how much I’ve wanted to join John in the past year since he died. I didn’t want to live without him. But lately several things have happened due to certain health scares and they have made me aware that I want to carry on but with a special place of my heart solely for John. I still pine for him, I still reach out in the middle of the night for him.
    I believe we all grief differently but at the same time in a similar way.
    I hope and pray Archana will stay here, because I bet there’s lots of people that love her, that she enriches life in her own way and then when it’s our time to go…we will go home to the love of our life’s.
    My mother and I shall pray for you and think of you.

    • Hi Deena & Jeena Bryant,

      Thanks alot for all the words of love and care.I’m sorry for your loss. With the multiple ADCs I recieved from Raj, I can tell you that he is still aroumd. Its the same with John. Raj was the only one I had in my life. As mentioned in the post, the more I live the more I get the opportunity to love him.

      • “…the more I live the more I get the opportunity to love him.”

        These words are perfect. And so true in my case if I flip my perspective to yours–rather than my current one, which is a perpetual state of loss of purpose and emotional devastation. Thank you for your treasured insight and for having the courage to share your journey with others. Love, peace and blessings to you.

        Today, it occurred to me. Say the name of your beloved out loud (and with love) as often as you like since the spoken word of one’s name is like a gift of incense for the ears, bringing joy even to the departed.

  2. Thank you for sharing your experience, Archana. I am so glad for the message Raj delivered to you in your dream and I am happy that you are piece by piece finding ways to mend and move forward. Sending you lots of love.

    And thank you Jade for the post. Suicide is too often thought about and not spoken of. I like how you explained why the brain gets to that point and I think “time, perspective, considerations, and communication” is great advice. And thank you, as well, for the reminder that finding help can be an important part of that process.

    • I am suicidal. But I made a promise to my daughter not to commit suicide. So when I get in that place, I reach out and get help. Tonight was one of those nights. Life has been really hard for me over the last 2 plus years and most recently I’ve taken quite a few difficult hits emotionally, especially when a really good friend of mine committed suicide and I had a heavy amount of guilt laying on me til my daughter convinced me there was nothing I could have done to stop him. Still, I hang by a spiders web string to life, this promise to stay alive. And its unraveling more every day. I’m in constant pain and my drs dont’ care and won’t help me. In fact they have made my life more difficult recently. I’m lost, in constant pain, lonely, depressed, bored and bedridden. A deadly combination. . And no one cares. I keep asking why should I? I have no reason to live, except for a slender spider web of a promise I made to my daughter. And its getting harder to keep. But for now I’m still fighting. I was born a warrior. I’ll fight until I can’t fight any longer.. And then I guess…it will end.

      • Hi,

        My heart goes for you, dear. While the dream discussed in the post have changed my attitude towards life, there is something else that also made me think of myself. If we leave this life incomplete, we might have to come back to go through the same in another life to learn the remaining lessons of life. I cannot afford to loose Raj in another life. So I choose to live.

        How lucky you are to have a daughter who cares for you. I’m sure you were busy all through out ypur life loving the people around you. You might have forgot to love 1person whom you are supposed to move the most i.e You. Somethings that I do that makes me fee better are a) Do the things that I love. b) Eat what I like with no restrictions c) Watch kids or pets playing.
        These are the things that make me feel better which need not be the same with you. Please love yourself in your own way. Sending you lots of love and hugs.

  3. That is a beautiful message you received Archana. I wish you the best with your new possibilities and purpose. Great post, I think this is a really valuable perspective and resource.

  4. I’m sorry for your loss, Archana. It is a horrible thing to go through the loss of a loved one. For everyone who who loses someone and then gives in to suicide, they leave behind those that love them.
    Allow yourself to be Loved by those who Love you.
    Thanks for sharing and thank you to Jade for the reminder to give our pain time to heal.

    • Hi Crystal, Eric & Sage,

      Thanks alot for all the words of love and care. I’m sure there are many people who suicidal. They may have valid reasons but with lot of courage they choose to live. However it needs more guts to admit their intension of killing themselves.

      With internet being a supporting platform for any help you need, people who are suicidal tend to browse for different ways to kill themselves. That’s how I ended up
      at “The exit interview” post in this website. With my conversations with Jade, I realised how foolish my decission is. The dream mentioned in the post gave me the extra courage to continuewith my life.

      If my story helps atleast 1suicidal person to survive, I’ll be the happiest person on Earth.

      Jade,
      Thanks alot for the post. Its like I’m reading the unspoken words of mine. You lived in my soul, while writing the post. Thanks a lot

      Archana

  5. Although when my husband passed away, I did feel that I didn’t want to live without him. I did not have a suicidal thought, just a sadness.
    But, as time passed I realized that I am still here for many reasons and they are
    all good. I try to comfort friends when they have lost their loved ones and seek them out to let them know I am here for them.

    God is blessing me every day and I am comforted.

  6. Archana. Glad to know Raj keeps talking to you. He is definitely looking after you and I’m glad for the opportunity to get to know you this past year.

    • Hi Amy,

      Thank you for ypur kind words.
      Yes, Raj responds to me thtough his ADC’s. His ADC’s give me an assurance that he is just a thought away from me. I’m sure its the same with all our loved ones who are watching us, every moment.

      Love you all 🙂

      Archana

  7. Archana I have felt the same way…that In tired & I don’t want to be here anymore. If it wasn’t for my dogs needing me & me Loving them the way I do I might have thought or committed suicide myself . With communication from our loved ones & KNOW they KNOW what we’re thinking,saying & doing idoing it helps me to go on …Hang in there Sweet we WILL see them again ! Food for thought Archana ..if we were to commit suicide …we may not ever see them again …

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