It was a snowy Christmas day when Rose Marie arrived at the hospital with a gift for her dying father. She draped the new sweater around her father’s shoulders to keep him warm as he lay in his bed. After a long struggle with lung cancer, his time on Earth was almost complete.

He looked at the foot of the bed where his deceased mother and father stood waiting for him to exit his mortal shell. Clenching tightly to his daughter’s hand, he said, “I cannot leave you here. You have to come with me. I must go soon, my mother and father are here to pick me up.”

Thinking of the implications, Rose Marie asserted, “No. I’ve got my kids here. I must stay.” Then, without much more notice, Rose Marie’s father left this world.

Later that afternoon when Rose Marie was at home, sadly, she stared out the glass door at the back of her house. Gazing far off, as if in a trance, she thought about losing her father and how much she already missed him. In deep thought, she spoke to herself, “I don’t know why my dad left me. He was the closest person to me.”

Suddenly, an image came into view about 15 to 20 feet ahead. There, in the white snow, was a man walking away from her. Just as she recognized him as her father, he turned around to wave to her, then, turning back again, faded away as he walked on.

Rose Marie could hardly believe her eyes! Here it was; broad daylight and she saw her father! He even acknowledged her! Of course, excited by her sighting, she ran to tell her husband who shook his head as he told her that it was only her imagination. Sadly, having heard this from her husband and being the only witness to her sighting, Rose Marie began to question herself. Maybe it was only wishful thinking.

Early the next morning, Rose Marie looked out that same magical glass door she looked through to see her father, just a day before. But instead of seeing her father, she saw a big beautiful white dove flying right toward her. It looked her in the eyes as it flew closer to her, until it had to fly off to avoid hitting the house.
 
In this after-death communication, Rose Marie got a second witness that what she saw the first time was no imagination, but was real.
The gift of the dove gave her well-deserved relief and peace of mind. Rose Marie’s father did not want to leave her behind wondering if he had peacefully made it to the “other side.” Released from the heaviness and density of the physical body, and the chains of his disease, he sent the message to his beloved daughter, “All is well. I am as free as a bird now!”

Sometimes, we are called to enter into the  potter’s oven and we know not why. (metaphorical, of course!)

Yet, are we here only to experience joy? Although it sure feels better, and we may wish this were the case, we are actually here to experience all of it; the whole spectrum of human emotion, even the difficult ones.

If you are experiencing sorrow at this time, experience it fully. For when joy comes around again, you will appreciate it that much more.

What is Grief?

This grief reaction can range from the loss of an item to the loss of a dream, the death of a bad relationship to the death of a great relationship. One may grieve a person they loved and knew well, while another may grieve someone they never met. Celebrity deaths, missing children and abductee deaths, featured on the news, are examples of this. Some people, who seem depressed in life, may actually be grieving the current condition of our world and planet.

In a dualistic world where death and loss are possible and probable, there is no end to the kinds of experiences of loss and grief that one could have.
The grief reaction can range from mild to intense, sometimes even turning into a more severe form of grief referred to as “complicated grief.” Because of the circumstances involved in the loss and the inability to cope, emotional, mental and physical healing may be prolonged or even become stuck in unhealthy patterns, contributing to even greater misery.

Aside from the death of a loved one, the following are common losses that cause grief:

• Death of a pet
• Loss of health
• Loss of a dream
• Identity crisis
• Miscarriage
• Financial loss and instability
• Losing a home
• Losing an item of importance
• End of a marriage or partnership
• Loss of a friendship
• Losing a job
• Empty-nest syndrome
• Loss of safety after a traumatic experience
• Loss of youth and beauty
• A missing loved one
• Soldier going off to war
• Losing one to an addiction
• Loss of control in life

Grieving allows for a wide range of emotional states, which, over time, help us work through and come to terms with our losses. There is no set time period for grieving. Every person is on his or her own schedule. It takes as long as it does, so be patient.

Grief can be quite a roller-coaster ride too. With a loss of control over your emotions, sometimes you’ll be up and sometimes you’ll be down. Gracefully accepting and surrendering to the inevitability and unpredictability of this process will be your way of riding out the storms with greater ease.

Allow yourself to feel everything, it actually hurts less than if you “stuff” your emotions down. Crying is nature’s way of detoxifying painful emotions. Thinking about feeling something painful hurts much more than feeling something painful. Be brave. Just go with it and cry your eyes out! You’ll feel better afterward.

Grieving emotional states commonly include, shock, numbness, denial, sadness, anger, guilt, blame, anxiety, depression, despair and finally, hope and acceptance.

Grieving physical conditions commonly include, loss of appetite, sleep disturbances, aches and pains, weight loss, exhaustion, tiredness, weakness, restlessness and trouble with concentration.

The grieving process can bring up many painful emotions, including emotional traumas from the past. Grief counseling or joining a grief group can be a great support for you and can help to facilitate your process.

Although it’s not nice that people have to experience such pain as grief, it is really comforting to know that you are not alone. Feeling alone and isolated can make the grieving process so much worse. It helps to hear other people’s stories for perspective and to get you out of your own head for a while.

In the end, the grief process is actually a gift, although it is hard to believe that it could be. If you stick through it and follow it to the end, you will experience greater understanding, wisdom, love and compassion, among many other gifts.
 
What is Mourning?
While grief is the inward expression of loss, mourning is the outward expression of that loss.

It wasn’t long ago when mourners, having lost their loved ones to death, wore black… sometimes even for a whole year! In the past, mourning has been largely influenced by the rituals of religious beliefs, cultural customs and society’s rules. However, it is important to follow the path that will move you through the mourning process with the most ease, after all, this is for you.

Mourning may include, visiting a loved ones gravesite, making a scrapbook of your loved one, gathering with friends and family to remember and share stories of your loved one, making a memorial, planting a tree on your loved ones behalf, scattering ashes at a designated place and time, writing their story or making a charitable donation in their name. These are just a few examples of mourning. Listen to your heart for what is appropriate for you.

A Mourner may appear reflective, sad, insulated or socially withdrawn. Some mourners may not show any outward signs and may even act like they have it all together. Be available to them, nevertheless.

When referring to a death, the mourning process is all about adjusting to life without a loved one. This can be very challenging since the initial emotions that surface after the loss are more about resistance to what happened, rather than to surrendering to this new reality.

Many things change with the loss of a loved one. For instance, the hopes and dreams you shared together are gone, your plans have changed and your ability to have a normal conversation with them is very much impaired.

Now, life is radically different! Mourning allows room for all the transitions that will need to take place to get back to a healthy and happy life. Despite missing your loved one, you will eventually build the courage and desire to get back to living a life in which they no longer live.

The loss of your loved one can leave a huge empty space that lasts for a very long time. Even though your loved one will never be forgotten, you will need to make new emotional connections and form new relationships. Your life will begin to change. You will need to learn to cope with the painful changes of loss and in many cases; you will need to learn to make decisions alone.

Most importantly, however you choose to do it, mourning is a chance to recover and to heal your heart so you can gain courage and confidence again to get out and begin to live in life once more.

Really and truly, there is no actual tomorrow. There is only this moment made up of a string of NOW’s.

We live like there is a future out there somewhere, that we can put off our lives until tomorrow, But every NOW is the future we are living into. Make the best of it, be your best self, and while you’re at it, just to be BRAVE and BOLD for the moment, live life like your hair’s on fire!

Since the beginning of time, mystics have sought the answers to the many mysteries of life. Much of that time has been spent in endless speculation. But perhaps the greatest of all life’s mysteries is that of death.

Sometimes, while making dinner I would ask Christian, “Please read that story of the wall again!” I always liked it so well. Like children, we were always completely fascinated with each and every mystery beyond our reach. We spent many hours in discussions – wondering, speculating, interpreting and philosophizing about the things beyond the wall. What great mystery would we unravel next? Cracking the code was just part of our fun.

For perspective, we watched movies and documentaries relating to human existence. We read a variety of religious and spiritual books, and to us, it seemed there were as many perspectives as there were people. Seeking further light and knowledge, we prayed and meditated mindfully, in hopes of getting even the smallest glimpse of this magical knowledge. And when we did, we were truly ecstatic! Our imaginations ran wild as we investigated, explored and theorized even more.

The last time Christian read that story to me was no more than three weeks before his death. Besides being completely devastated with grief, over his death, quite frankly, I was a little “pissed off” that he “one-upped” me! Now he knew what was over that wall and I still didn’t!

After Christian’s death, I found that many of the great sounding conceptual theories we once discussed became much too painful to believe in the light and reality of my situation. Not that these concepts were bad in any way, but being concepts from the brain, they weren’t the most heart-felt comforting beliefs a grieving soul could have. For example, it’s one thing to have fantasies of losing that thing that has plagued you with pain all your life, the ego (individuality), which is to be broken down, absorbed and integrated into the whole.  It is another thing to believe this is true, meaning… you will never again experience your loved one as the individual you did before. With my loss, this belief turned out to be even more painful.

Curious for answers and a mystic myself, I asked many people about their beliefs of life after death and the true nature of God. In return, I heard many different stories. Some people even believed that death was the end. To me, this was an especially painful perspective. Even though I don’t subscribe to this belief, I thought it to be cruel that we could love and bond so deeply to one another, if it doesn’t even matter in the end. I thought, “What’s the point if you can’t take it with you?”

I spent time with therapists, trying to get some relief from my pain, but no one was as insensitive to my emotional state as one psychiatrist. During my first session with him, when I was most fragile, he completely shattered one of my most sacred Christian beliefs, saying what he believed was true, that there is no Heaven. Needless to say, with him unwilling to work within my belief system, I didn’t see him again.

To help ease the pain, I was put on a variety of anti-depressants. But to my dismay, none of them would work for me, even at the lightest dose. By the 2^nd or 3^rd day of taking them, I was unable to stand up because my head was spinning so fast, so I made the choice to quit medicating myself.

Early on, I even sought out a few psychics for comfort and to get the answers I needed. None of this worked the way I hoped it would. I patiently waited one whole month for one of my appointments. Only as a chuckle now, when she began, it seemed she was reading for another, since the reading was completely foreign to me. Repeatedly, she kept talking about a big black toenail, which I knew nothing about. Eventually, she told me that my deceased Father wanted me to use refillable water bottles. “What?” I thought. In light of my grief, I figured the session would be a little more geared to my actual situation.
It wasn’t until forty-five minutes into the call, that I had to break in to tell her that I had just lost someone to death that I was very close to and would she please address this issue? Needless to say, the information in the last fifteen minutes had nothing to do with him. And then it happened. She asked me if he had a big black toenail!
As I hung up the phone, I wondered why the call had been so entirely disastrous. I knew there were those people who were so extremely close to the veil, between this world and the next, yet why were these blatant lack of connections happening?

I was not only experiencing the deepest grief I’ve ever known thus far, but adding to the pain, I felt so lost and isolated too. I didn’t know which way to turn. What was the truth? I admit that my, then very open mind, put me in an extremely vulnerable position. What did I really believe at a time when it was so important to believe in something of comfort? I needed to find answers.

I read the books of many religions and spiritual practices in hopes of finding some peace. I watched every program, movie, documentary that had anything to do with getting the answers I needed to make sense of it all. I read scores of books on past lives, future lives, parallel lives, after-death communication and near-death experiences. Once again, I soon realized that there were as many stories and perspectives as there were people. It was all so confusing! In some contradictory near-death experiences, I read that some Christians saw Buddha, while others saw Christian figures. Some Atheists saw Jesus, and another saw aliens, or nothing at all. Some experienced a light or energy field, while others experienced God as spirit or God as flesh and bones. Then there was Moses, Mohammad, Vishnu, and the many other religious figures in the world in their various combinations. But sometimes, it was just Grandpa Bill or Auntie Flo they would see over the wall, upon dying.

Some of these people experienced being in a beautiful garden full of brightly colored flowers, while some were at the pearly gates of Heaven. Some experienced being in “The Void” and called it good, while others called it bad. Some experienced the beauty and peacefulness of the universe, while others found themselves safely within the walls of a crystal city. Just in skimming the surface, there was no end to the variety of experiences people reported when returning to this realm. The more experiences I read and heard, the more I realized that, like the uniqueness of fingerprints, there are no two experiences beyond the wall that are exactly alike.

Having had many spiritual experiences throughout my life, some of them near-death experiences, I must say that my peeks over the wall have been interesting, to say the least. I too have seen the gates of Heaven, the crystal cities, the universe in all its glory, “The void” (the good one), the garden of brightly colored flowers, among many other landscapes. I have experienced a wide range of characters, including Jesus, Vishnu, Hanuman, Ganesh, Heavenly Mother and Father, deceased friends and family, God the Creator, the light and energy field.

So the question begs to be asked. Is there an ultimate reality or will we experience a view based on our individual perspective or perception? I come from a Christian background, yet why is Hinduism in my mix? I realized that although we may think that everyone would have the same story to tell, what’s more notable are the differences. Even reports from the “other side” of the wall don’t necessarily jive, as some people might think they would. I guess that’s why it’s called a mystery.

To find relief from my grief and devastation, I searched far and wide to find the answers, so much so, that I missed something very important. As you can understand by what I’ve written about my trials and tribulations, it took me quite a while to find peace and grounding. Today, I am at peace.

In the end, it was not about finding the answers “out there.” It was simply about finding my personal truth by inquiring within.

So, I started with the many spiritual experiences I’ve had in life that were my own. How could I believe another’s experience over my own precious ones? Also, I spent many hours within myself, asking questions and finding the answers that felt true and good to my heart and soul. Although it is extremely interesting to me to read and hear the truth of what other people experience with their glimpses over the wall, what’s more important to me, is the truth of what I experience. In this, I have found complete comfort and resolution.

In conclusion though, one might wonder, after all my efforts, what did I finally find over the wall?
I just smile, as I say, “It doesn’t matter what I found over the wall”, only to say this, “It is within each soul that the truest truths exist. You need only to look inside to see what’s over the wall.”

As it grew and blossomed fair and tall,
Slowly rising to loftier height,
It came to a crevice in the wall
Through which there shone a beam of light.

Onward it crept with added strength,
With never a thought of fear or pride,
It followed the light through the crevice’s length
And unfolded itself on the other side.

The light, the dew, the broadening view
Were found the same as they were before,
And it lost itself in beauties new,
Breathing its fragrance more and more.

Shall claim of death cause us to grieve
And make our courage faint and fall?
Nay! Let us faith and hope receive…
The rose still grows beyond the wall,

Scattering fragrance far and wide
Just as it did in days of yore,
Just as it did on the other side,
Just as it will forevermore.

….From the writings of A. L. Frink

Trust the process! Our perspective is so limited!

Melania found herself among the clouds. And there, in the midst of the clouds, was the most beautiful garden filled with yellow flowers. She felt so amazingly good and peaceful that she had no intention of returning to her former life on Earth.

Within the clouds, she found some steps that were also made of clouds. As she ascended the stairway, an unmistakable voice she knew as her Lord Jesus, told her to come through the door. But when she got to the top of the stairs, to her amazement, there were two doors; each made of clouds. As she passed through the door she chose, she found herself back in the hospital and in her Earthly life again, but somehow changed.

While this is a remarkable story, an even more remarkable one was about to begin. Jesus and the afterlife, being only mere words and concepts for her before, suddenly came to life as an actual experience. While she once just believed, now she knew!

Deeply converted within her heart and mind, Melania experienced a complete transformation. Melania had spent many years feeling betrayed and being angry with her husband for cheating and then leaving her and their family for another woman. She stood by with blame as she watched him build a life with this woman, have children with her, and all the while, treat his former family with disregard.

Now, after all this, she was able to forgive him. And with such pure forgiveness, was even able to invite his new family into her home to cook for them! From the wreckage of her long-felt pain, Melania emerged a patient and purely loving being who had been freed from the prison of resentment and blame.

Melania felt she had been given a second chance to come back and take care of her unfinished business. For her, this unfinished business was all about forgiveness. Although this Philippine woman was a soft spoken woman who could neither read nor write, and although a Catholic, who rarely spoke about spirituality, except to remind the children to say their prayers before bed, Melania could not stop sharing her spiritual experience up the stairway to heaven!

Melania lived 3 more years with the contentment and joy that can only come from living a life of pure love and humility. At 81 years of age, Melania suffered a fatal heart attack.

Can you imagine her liberation and peace of mind as she walked up those stairs once more to open that door leading to ever-lasting life?

Ho’oponopono

Anciently, specific rites were performed in familial groups, by spiritual leaders called Kahunas, for the purpose of atoning for errors made, thereby, releasing the accumulation of negative karma. Included in this rite were prayer, discussion from every point of view, and confessing the error, thus, enabling truth to set negative energies free.

This is not a new practice. Some form of confession can be found all over the world. It is simply called, “restoring integrity” or in other words, “telling the truth.” Even though it sounds so simple, not everyone is willing to step into this high vibration. Even Alcoholics Anonymous has the saying “Your secrets make you sick.”  AA advocates that to become well, one must admit that which is hidden.

In a world where people are so quick to “be right” and blame others, it has become a habitual response, and even a reflex, to barely accept any responsibility, let alone, 100% of it!! But this is the practice, and it is said to completely clean and clear out old programs and negative karma that have been handed down through the ancestors of the past, thereby, restoring order, peace and harmony.

In 1976, this simple and effective self-transformational technique was modified and taught by a Kahuna, Morrnah Nalamuku Simeona, who, like her mother, was an amazing healer, a great facilitator of peace and an asset to the many people she touched through this work.

In 1982, one particularly curious student, Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len, enrolled into one of Simeona’s seminars. Although skeptical, this doctor would become a true believer in the practice of Ho’oponopono, and would also go forth to transform the lives of many.

Dr. Hew Len learned from Morrnah Nalamuku Simeona, until she passed away in 1992. Having listened closely to her teaching and practices, Dr. Hew Len was able to further simplify and improve the Ho’oponopono process, and make it even more powerful to those who used it.

For three years, while Dr. Hew Len worked as a staff psychologist for Hawaii State Hospital, he was able to practice Ho’oponopono on the files of the male patients where he worked. In this high security psychiatric housing facility, rapist, murderers and other violent offenders lived together. In fact, it was common for patients to practice violence against each other and staff members on a regular basis.

After three years, the violence had mostly ceased, with the exception of some of the newest patients. Eventually, the whole unit was closed because there was no longer a need to keep it open. Patients were healed and released, or moved into other non-violent units. All of this was documented and corroborated by many witnesses and personnel.

Ho’oponopono might still be largely unknown, had it not been for a man named Joe Vitale, who tracked Dr. Hew Len down to get the full story. Dr. Hew Len and Joe Vitale have co-written a book titled “Zero Limits.”

When Joe asked Dr. Hew Len, “How did you heal these violent patients without seeing each one in person?” Dr. Hew Len replied, “I didn’t heal them. I healed part of myself that created them.” Dr. Hew Len makes no claims to be a Kahuna.

The Ho’oponopono Practice

To effectively practice Ho’oponopono, you have to be willing to be 100% responsible for everything!!! That’s right! It is believed that this state of being has so much integrity, that it can actually erase errors and misunderstandings of the past. I’m talking… throughout generations. With this high state of accountability and power, you are stepping forward to acknowledge, correct and atone for the mistakes that exist in the world. Sounding familiar?  Although Kahuna, Morrnah Nalamuku Simeona was largely influenced by Christianity, she also integrated teachings from India, China and Edgar Cayce.

To some, it may seem weak and victim-like to accept 100% of responsibility for everything, especially if you think it’s not your fault. This is only true if it is done in a powerless way. But actually, this practice comes from a very high perspective. Heaven?

Many may still subscribe to the old model of blaming something or someone else. While this “outer world” viewpoint is a common perspective to experience, it is not a powerful one. This perspective comes from a belief that one can be a victim. Oh, what? You didn’t know you don’t have to be a victim of yourself, other people, circumstances and situations? Well, it is convenient to be a victim, I guess, but it’s not empowering or necessary, and besides that, it’s probably not consistent with the true nature of who you really are.

No matter what has happened to you, no matter what they did, being a victim is really just a state of mind. It is a perspective. And even though it may seem difficult to not fall into that victim trap, you get to choose what perspective to come from. Will you be the one to rise above it all, or the victim?

The most powerful perspective takes a lot of courage, strength and spiritual maturity. It is the perspective that says, “Whatever this issue is, I am responsible for it, even though it’s not my fault and I’m not to blame!!” To stand in the creation of an issue is the most powerful place to stand. You are not the victim, but you are at the source of true power. If you take 100% responsibility, and then feel guilty for it, you are being a victim. Remember? That doesn’t work because you are now faulting and blaming your self. It is not about guilt and blame. It is about love, charity and grace.

If you notice you are getting hung up on this information being right or wrong, true or false, please remember, this is only a perspective. But it’s a perspective that works!

Coming from this perspective, you not only demonstrate true strength and undaunted courage, but the purity of one who is so committed to peace and healing in the world, that you would so generously lay down your own “Ego” to have it.

When this process is complete, you have allowed the Divine to work with and through you. Your true nature is restored and you are made whole. In your innocence and humility, new life, light, love, grace and inspiration will open up to you, because there will be a clean and clear space for this to happen.

Ho’oponopono Process (cleaning and clearing)

• Immediately, when an error has occurred, do the Ho’oponopono process.
• Think of the person, place, circumstance, event or situation. Have it in your mind. Since this is coming from a higher perspective, some people like to view the situation from a higher perspective. In other words, the person, place, etc. is on a stage below (the stage of life) and you are above watching it all.
• Take 100% responsibility for everything (every error in thought, word and deed that is needing to be cleansed and cleared)
• Repeat as a Mantra with empowerment-   

I love you
I’m sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you
This can be in any order, as long as you mean it. Make sure you are doing this out of a place of strength and power, not weakness and disempowerment, because that perspective does not have the power to restore integrity or complete the past.

• Continue process with consistency until all negative charge has been cleared.  When you clean and cleanse your inner world, you clean and cleanse your outer one too, and visa versa. You can’t lose!
• End with, “And it is done.” Trusting that the Divine will handle the rest.

To be willing to be 100% responsible for all errors is an extremely high state to participate in to make a positive difference. Errors may include: relationships, financial problems, old programming, past life karma, illness, addictions, problems, pain and suffering, negative and undesirable emotional states, stress, and many other issues. Dr. Hew Len calls it a profound gift to be able to do this work, and as a result experience complete freedom from the past, thereby, joining the Divine.

 Aloha! (affection, peace, compassion, mercy)