What is it Like to Lose a Child?

In this heart-wrenching post, Rebecca answers this unthinkable question, What is it like to lose a child? After having him for 23 years, Rebecca lost Kenny on July 6, 2012. She has been working through her grief ever since. One day last summer, she found the website, Quora, and saw, of all questions in front of her… this one. There it was… Rebecca’s invitation to share her most private and deepest thoughts and feelings with all the world. 

Quora asks: What is it like to lose a child?

Rebecca’s reply:
“This is a tough question to answer as it brings all the pain I try to push back (he’s just on a long vacation; he’s busy with work, etc., AKA denial) with as much force as I can muster, until I’m lying in bed alone with my thoughts, trying to hold on to every detail I can about him. The fear of forgetting his voice one day drives me insane.” 

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Best of Buddies

Shortly after Dustin passes on, Guardian of the Galaxy, it is revealed that he and Ashton, Dustin’s faithful dog and best friend, are reunited in the afterlife, as Ashton prepares to run into his master’s arms again.

Pat writes:
“Ashton was Dustin’s dog from the time we picked him up at a shelter many years back. He was a shepherd/husky mix…about 96 lbs. They were best friends. They slept together and Dustin walked him everyday. They were the best of buddies.”

“The past year or so, Ashton had been going down hill. He was 13 years-old and had hip dysplasia. He was on special food and three different types of pain meds. He was losing his muscle tone in his hind legs and having a hard time walking. Still he hung on like a trooper.”

“For the past year, I would meet my neighbor, Lori, outside and over the fence, we would give Ashton his meds hidden in dog food to eat. This was always at 2:30 pm.”
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“The Mix” by J.V.

It was just another weekend up at the cabin that Pam and Joe planned to entertain their friends. But because of a fluke allergic reaction to an antibiotic, Pam was unable to attend, so Joe went ahead instead. Also… not so coincidentally, Justin, Pam’s son, being blown off by his friends, was left at home as well. Nevertheless, the circumstances of events enabled mother and son to spend one last precious weekend on Earth together.

The date was Saturday, August 28, 2010, when Pam noticed an infected cut from a skateboard injury on Justin’s leg. It was when Pam attempted to doctor her son’s wounds, over Justin’s adamant objections, that the following conversation took place…

Justin, who was just a few weeks from his 22nd birthday, teased his mother, “You don’t think I’m going to get out of here without a few bumps and scrapes, do you?” To that, Pam replied, “Justin! The 30-year-old version of you wants you to take care of yourself!”

“Mom?” Seeming to somehow know he needed to deliver this message, Justin said, “When I die… I want you to donate my organs.” “Well, when I die”, Pam chuckled, “I want you to donate my body to a cadaver lab and save some money!” Pam’s doctoring never happened that day, but an important conversation had.

JustinIt was 4:30 pm the next day, Sunday, August 29, 2010, that Justin handed his mother a Cd he made for her, entitled “The Mix” by J.V., Sweetness for Peace of Mind.” (The songs were a mix of Justin’s favorite tunes; a Cd that would become a most precious gift to a grieving, but grateful mother.)

Shortly after giving his mother this gift, Justin left the house to literally go – head-on into the skateboarding accident that would eventually claim his life.
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Sorrow

“The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven?” 
Kahlil Gibran (1883 – 1931)

Sometimes, we are called to enter into the  potter’s oven and we know not why. (metaphorical, of course!)

Yet, are we here only to experience joy? Although it sure feels better, and we may wish this were the case, we are actually here to experience all of it; the whole spectrum of human emotion, even the difficult ones.

If you are experiencing sorrow at this time, experience it fully. For when joy comes around again, you will appreciate it that much more.

Alchemy of Loss

lostA marriage ends after thirty years. The kids are all grown, but still….

A breadwinner in a small town loses his job and with it, the means to support his family. He feels like a failure. He looks at the trusting faces of his wife and children and feels helpless. He doesn’t want to let them down.

Upon examination, the doctor tells her, “There’s a serious problem. Get your life in order…. You have no more than six months to live.” Shock and disbelief set in. The clock starts ticking…
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Death’s Painful Sting

I wrote this poem in two stages. The first part is about the horrific emotions I felt, and the state of mind I was in, almost immediately. The beginnings of this poem emerged within a few weeks of Christian’s death, and for months, I felt the painful depths of each and every word I wrote.

It wasn’t until I was on the edge of life and death, or as I call it, “the living dead” that I could not hang on anymore. I begged my God to take me home. It was in God’s reply back to me that showed me a future, somewhere out there on that dark horizon. And even though, at the time, I wasn’t sure how I would emotionally arrive at it, I could, at least see where my journey was taking me. So, I wrote down the words of God. After doing so, I could see that God was making a promise to me, to hold on, in time I would be healed of the terrible grief I experienced, and even better; that a powerful transformation would occur in my life. Is all I had to do was to keep an open and loving heart, trust and follow the path and road signs (words) God laid out for me, in the second part of my poem.

By the end of it all, I could see through the illusion of death and that life just does what life does. It’s not personal. By the grace of God, I learned to have grace myself, and see that, although loss is very sad, there is no reason to fear separation from another; for in an infinite reality, we are, and always will be connected. We are infinite beings! It is just the illusion of separation of ourselves in this life, that confuses us so much.

                                 (For my Beloved Christian, who left this realm, March 31, 2010)

Death’s Painful Sting by Jade  

How cold and cruel is death’s painful sting,

As tears falls from swollen eyes.

Then tales of separation,

Begin to speak their lies.

 

They tell you that you’ve lost,

The one you love so much.

Forever to be gone,

Coldly taken by death’s touch.

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Grieving a Sudden/Unexpected Death

This is my experience about how I eventually transformed the terrible darkness of despair and healed, as I chose to enter into the light. How did I do it? I rose to my highest and strongest self and chose LOVE and LIGHT, rather then sinking to my lowest and weakest self, and allowing FEAR and BITTERNESS to overcome me. 

Here is my story on… How to grieve the sudden and unexpected death of a loved one…

When you hear the news, you simply refuse to believe what their mouth is saying and what your ears are hearing. Perhaps all sounds will cease and you will be left with only the motion of their mouth moving as shock and denial set in.

Emotions swell quickly. You know…. the ones you would rather not feel. The ones you’ve worked so hard all your life to avoid. No one likes these ones, but nevertheless, it doesn’t stop them from coming forth with unabashed fury and intensity. Oh, this is intense! Breathe.
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The birth of a blog… griefandmourning.com

Welcome! Thank you for visiting Griefandmourning.com!

My name is jade.

How I came to have this website/blog was most unexpected.

A few days before Thanksgiving of 2011, I was having a phone conversation with my adult son, Chris, who lives in another state. I was discussing the challenges I was facing with writing my very first book, which is a current work in progress. I explained that my story is complex, so the compilation of it is difficult since it contains copious amounts of detailed information that has been given to me with regards to some of my more intensely profound spiritual/human experiences. These experiences that I call “Holy Moments” have spanned over the last four plus years of my book, but have actually been an occurrence throughout my whole life. If you have had them, you know what I’m taking about.
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