The Medicine That Is Hope

Just when all seems lost, a distressed Linda cries out to her beloved, Thellis, for help and receives it in a most unexpected and delightful way. 

Linda writes:
“I had not been on my game since just before Christmas. Slipping down into the deep end of the latest emotional abyss. There was something below, pulling on me, as I continued hanging on to the metaphorical life preserver of my grief.  Even amidst my grief, I would feel pretty darn good, calm and breathing air and all, then all of a sudden under water, swimming in emotion and struggling to get back up to save myself from drowning in my sorrow.”

“I found myself wanting to be reassured that nothing was wrong with feeling this way. That there was no problem with it. That this was all a normal part of the grief process, 
because to me, it looked all wrong, like it was a huge problem and I was feeling insane once again.”

“For a few nights before I left my house to visit my daughter who lives in another state, I kept waking up – two nights in a row, repeatedly throughout the night with immediate feelings of dread. The tidal wave of thoughts were so horrific that I not only felt bad emotionally, but physically as well. At the time, I could not see how I could keep doing anything like I normally would. How would I be able to drive hours to meet her? When I got back, how would I be able to go to work, pretend I was okay when I wasn’t at all? How could I pay my bills, look around for new place to live? How could I go on, not being able to stand myself in the state of mind I was in?”

“Looking at my life going forward, it was hard to see my way in such a dark gray, shabby world, with no ability to look forward to anything, enjoy anything, much less find a purpose to all this grief over the recent loss of my love, Thellis.”

“The recent torment I was experiencing, was all because I had hit some kind of strange wall of both physical and mental exhaustion that was making me have great difficulty putting one literal and metaphorical foot in front of the other. And worst of all, I was afraid I was going to forget how he looks and the sound of his voice. I always loved his voice.”

“It took everything in me to just finish packing and carry my things to my car. With all my strength, I said out loud to Thellis, “I want and need your help!” I didn’t know what Thellis would do to help me, but I knew there had to be a  part of him that wanted me to not be scared and hurting like this — and to enjoy my upcoming time with my daughter… our daughter, Marijo.”

Mourning Doves

Mourning Doves

“Now, I need to share a back story first before continuing. As I pondered my after-death communications from Thellis, I hoped that one of these days there would be an actual physical object showing up on this planet, that was so obvious, that there could be no doubt, even from a stranger’s viewpoint, that would be too amazing to explain away. I needed some solid proof, something tangible, but that had not happened yet. 
I had thought, and even said out loud over past 3 1/2 months, that I knew it could not be a dove, of course. The reason is because I’ve never seen one up here in my neck of the woods and certainly not now that it’s winter, but still reasoned that it sure would be nice since there was such a strong association of doves and Thellis. You see, Thellis loved those sweet mourning doves so much and the cooing noise they would make. He would imitate them sometimes during our conversations. So even though it could never be that, maybe it could be something else just as obvious to me.”

“So, now back to my current story. After I trudged to my car with my belongings and put them in the car, got in my car and was wishing that he would just touch me… immediately, for next couple of minutes, I felt as if a feather was tickling my face as I pulled out of my driveway. I even brushed my hand across my face to feel if something was there. Nothing was there but the feeling of a feather tickling around my face.”

“Then, as I drove out of out my neighborhood, to my complete surprise, I suddenly saw in the middle of my street- a flock of doves!  I’m so mad I didn’t take a picture but I was so stunned and remained that way- I didn’t even think of it. After all, it was below zero and still snow on the ground and I had never seen any doves since living here for the past 7 years. As if that was not enough, 15 miles down the highway, I pulled off to go to a convenience store. When I pulled into park, in my rear view mirror, that were 2 doves standing in a grassy area by the store. I was so happy. I immediately knew this was from him!”

“What happened next, I didn’t think possible. Immediately my physical and mental energy was restored. I was calm, peaceful, sane and hope was on the horizon that the future would not always be a cold, flat and colorless world. And now, more than anything, an absolute knowing that he was right there beside me and that we were and are eternally connected. With this experience I could see, at least a glimpse, of how something beautiful could be born out of this nightmarish pain of grieving.”

“I thought, “Maybe I could survive it after all and even help somebody else someday who was experiencing this kind of suffering. I just needed to trust the process, God and myself and refrain from beating myself up when I find myself in these emotional tidal waves that throw me to and fro in a full array of emotional insecurity when all of the sudden I’ve lost hope- as I did before Thellis helped me with the doves.”

Commentary- Anyone who has done some serious grieving is all too familiar with the frequent plunges into the deep end of the emotional sea of grief. The pain of grief is persistent, pervasive and anxiety producing, to say the least, as one constantly struggles to stay afloat. At times, the feeling of being so overwhelmed with the fear and panic of imminent devastation, can feel like the possibility of being swept up and carried out to sea. Just one lost soul out there in a sea of pain just trying to survive against the power and strength of relentless emotional waves. Sometimes, even emotional tidal waves of pain.

Yes. Grief can feel like this. Depending on your range of feeling, one might really identify with the above description. To some, this does not seem dramatic, but very familiar. It hurts, it’s devastating and there is little to do when one realizes that they are at the mercy of a grueling grief process that seems to have its’ own mind. Controlling the grief process? What’s that?

Lost boat in rough waters

Lost boat in rough waters

Processing deep grief can be so scary and dark, with many ups and downs and feelings of hopelessness and being out of control. It’s like being in a boat out to sea, alone and lost in stormy weather, with no way to know how to find your way back to the safety of saneness and stability. No, you just have to deal with each new emotional wave that crests.

There are some brief moments of reprieve, where one thinks they are out of the chaos of that storm, only to be reminded that, at least at the beginning of the grief process, those moments do happen at times, but are fleeting before disruption occurs once more. The good news is that relief becomes more and more of a constant as time and perspective gives way to healing. 

Although the grief process is commonly filled with a great degree of pain and despair, if there are suicidal thoughts, especially thoughts that include a suicidal plan, immediately seek help. Here is a link for my resources and emergency page for reference. For sure, deep grief is not for sissies. Keep processing though, find support because healing eventually happens. It really does just take time.

Grieving at such depth can bring up every insecurity possible, every fear. The chaos of grief can make one feel insane at times, too. Grief can cause physical and mental torment and exhaustion as Linda has described, enough to where she began to see a world without color, a life with no future, no purpose or meaning and therefore; no point to living. The loss of a loved one is sometimes so traumatic that it can occur like an assault, causing one to give up on any hope, whatsoever.

But then, something happened when Linda, in her weary state, reached out to ask Thellis for help. Thellis, knowing of her condition and plea began to answer. First the tickle of a bird feather around her face, followed by a lovely bouquet of many doves. It wasn’t as though these doves were off flying somewhere when she saw them, or that they were off on the side of the road, in the moment she needed it most, they were exactly, literally in her path! And, if the doves weren’t enough by themselves, she got the precursor of the tickle to let her know something was up.

What a special gift from Thellis, who gave Linda exactly what she wished for, but didn’t think possible. To Linda, this was nothing less than amazing that the doves she hadn’t seen in 7 years were right there before her. Doves that Thellis happened to love. The doves that were the physical proof she wanted to know, without a shadow of a doubt, that Thellis really does hear her, loves her and is there by her side.

But even with all those miracles, among them is the medicine of hope. Before Thellis’s signature gift to her, Linda was barely functioning. She was struggling, low in energy, in pain and in desperate need of help. After Thellis’s signature gift? Linda was restored to a vibrant, pain-free, energetic and excited self. Linda was completely healed in that moment that her hope was renewed. 

The medicine of hope is powerful. In Linda’s experience of receiving the signs she asked for, when she was at her very lowest and with the medicine of hope, Linda was instantly made whole. Immediately restored by her experience was the possibility of a life with color, a future  ahead of her, a purpose to serve others in deep pain, meaning, and a point to the living of that life. It’s amazing how hope can heal so quickly and thoroughly.

Our departed loved ones are with us. They may not always be able to show us, but they are. They are connected to our thoughts and feelings. They are connected to our lives. They are here to watch over and to help us through this life.  And, in time, we will be reunited with them. When that happens, there will be no more need to hope. There will be no more need for tears. With the joy from our reunion, our wishes and prayers will forever be answered.

Hope. Follow the Light on your path.

Hope. Follow the Light on your path.

Survivor’s Guilt (Part Three)

In part one, Survivor’s Guilt was defined, common symptoms were discussed as well as a few examples. In Survivor’s Guilt part two, we took a closer look into the mechanics and dynamics of Survivor’s Guilt and what causes humans to become so deeply psychologically affected, along with new ways to think about it. Continue reading

“Hi” From Heaven

In this after-death communication, Liz’s father says “hi” from the heavens, as her name is literally written in the sky.

Liz writes:
“On a weekend last November, my partner and I were walking up the road. It was 11 am on a beautiful sunny day with a clear blue sky. I looked up and saw just one tiny white cloud. Across the sky to my right there was another one – it had formed the name Liz, which is my name. I looked to see what was coming next as I immediately thought it was an airplane sign-writing in the making. (We have a few of these here with people proposing marriage in grand ways).  Continue reading

The Gifts They Give Through Others

Two women learn that acting on the spiritual promptings of a deceased loved one makes a world of difference, for the ones who would receive them.

During the holidays, instead of getting the usual customary cakes and hampers as a Christmas gift and greeting, Elisa received a beautiful bouquet of Christmas flowers. On the surface, this may not seem to be out of the ordinary, but to Elisa, who was missing Eric during the holiday season… this gift of flowers was quite special and significant. In fact, although it was sent by an unwitting person, this particular gift of flowers had Eric’s metaphorical fingerprints… All over it! 
(In Roses, My Love? you see that while Eric was living, all Elisa wanted was for him to send her flowers!) Continue reading

An Unexpected Visit

In an after-death communication, Amber, a self-proclaimed atheist, receives a message of love and comfort from her mother on the “other side.”

Amber writes:
“My Mother died in 2015. As my last living family member and with the Mother- Daughter connection that we shared, the first year has been the saddest in my 55 years of life. However, I take sweet comfort in her love for me, and in a moment after her death that I hold close to my heart.”

“It was one month after her passing. I had another day of steady tears and inconsolable sadness. The huge thing was simple: she was gone and I was alone without her. I came home exhausted from the day, sat on the couch and continued my sobbing. Then, I heard her! She said, in a voice I remember as that of how she sounded when she was in her 30s, not the weakened tone of her 78 year-old dying of cancer self. (And this is something in and of itself; that she spoke with a healthy young voice. If I was to create a message in my head from her, I would never have thought to change her voice to her younger days.) And what she said was exactly enough – not one extra word needed to be spoken. “Amber, I love you. I am here with you.”
Continue reading

What’s New for Spring 2016? (Announcement)

We all know that Spring is a time for many new beginnings, so I’m taking this opportunity to announce that, by popular request, I will be launching some brand new services soon. Aside from the many posts written throughout the years; designed to assist, comfort and support those who grieve, the tools provided on the site, and the commentaries to the many after-death communication, as well as other stories, I will now be offering:

Online Classes such as, the “Being Your Own Medium” series, “Navigating the Emotional Waters of Grief” series, “The Phoenix: Finding Your Life’s Purpose in the Ashes” series, “Finding Strength Beneath the Surface”, “Healing Your Past”, “Have I Lived Before? Past Life Regression” series, as well as… many more online classes to come. To keep updated on the classes being offered, please refer to “Classes” on the homepage navigation bar for further information. Continue reading

Awakenings Through Loss

When our loved ones pass away, they leave gifts in their place. It’s for us to discover and use these treasures toward transforming ourselves and our lives.

In the post, The Terrifying Last 18 Days, Keisha describes the grueling final days of her mother’s life and her emotional reactions to it. Sometimes, the course of a person’s health, with its ups and downs, can be quite the emotional roller-coaster ride. Just when Keisha thought her mom was going to live through her medical procedures, her situation took a turn for the worst, leaving Keisha and other loved ones to cope with her eventual passing. 

It is not uncommon for the loss of a loved one to create a space for an awakening to happen. When I read something that Keisha had written in reference to one of my other posts, See How You Are?, I could clearly see that Keisha had been privy to such an awakening.  Continue reading

Happy New Year 2016

Dear Loved One,
May you always know that whether in times of happiness or whether in times of sorrow, you are never alone in your struggles here upon this Earth… Angels attend. A beautiful and inspiring song to nudge your memory that heavenly beings abide.

May 2016 bring you much comfort, peace, healing and the constant internal knowledge… that you are loved, watched over and never left alone in your journey on this big beautiful blue planet.
With love,
Jade

What is it Like to Lose a Child?

In this heart-wrenching post, Rebecca answers this unthinkable question, What is it like to lose a child? After having him for 23 years, Rebecca lost Kenny on July 6, 2012. She has been working through her grief ever since. One day last summer, she found the website, Quora, and saw, of all questions in front of her… this one. There it was… Rebecca’s invitation to share her most private and deepest thoughts and feelings with all the world. 

Quora asks: What is it like to lose a child?

Rebecca’s reply:
“This is a tough question to answer as it brings all the pain I try to push back (he’s just on a long vacation; he’s busy with work, etc., AKA denial) with as much force as I can muster, until I’m lying in bed alone with my thoughts, trying to hold on to every detail I can about him. The fear of forgetting his voice one day drives me insane.” 

Continue reading

Grief: Holidays Without Them

Oh no. Here it comes! A holiday without them. How do I deal with that? 

Holidays are supposed to be joyful; a time to gather together with loved ones to share thanks and exchange gifts of love. But what happens when the upcoming holiday only serves to remind us that someone we love is sadly missing? It’s difficult to cope. If it’s the first year we might wonder, “How different is this year going to be. How much pain am I going to feel?”

Although it might seem strange, including your loved one in your holidays can be a great way to deal head-on with the fact that things have changed. Perhaps a new tradition or ritual can be introduced, making the upcoming holiday special. For example, you might create a special program that includes all of your loved ones, including the one who is not physically present. It is a great way to deal and heal the pain of the change of losing them. This can also include a family pet. Continue reading

Never Alone (Revisited)

Right now, I am in the process of making my yearly pilgrimage to Burning Man for the thirteenth year. It’s a place of sheer fun, that’s true. But it is much more. It is a place that teaches me so much… and a place I love because of it.

Lately, I have felt called to pull this 2012 post out of this site’s archives for some reason, to re-post. When I wrote it after Burning Man in 2012, I was still grieving deeply at the time.

So… for whatever reason, I leave this with you. I hope this is meaningful to you in some way, as well.  

With a full heart and exhausted body, I recently returned home from my ten-year anniversary trip to the Black Rock desert, where over 60,000 plus people from all over the world made their pilgrimage this year to be “welcomed home” to Black Rock City. Grateful was I because of the love, beauty and transformation I experienced there. Exhausted, because I didn’t want to close my eyes for one second, for fear I might have missed something completely amazing.
Continue reading

My Friend, the Honeyeater

In this after-death communication, Anne comes face to face with a beautiful black bird. But when it looked into her eyes, that’s when she knew it was her recently deceased friend.
Anne writes:
HoneyeaterHi. After reading your after-death experiences, I just had to tell you about my experience only yesterday.”

“My friend died only a few days ago, and yesterday I was sitting, watching TV when a beautiful black bird, which I think is a Black Honeyeater, appeared on the back of my patio chair with a worm in its mouth.”
Continue reading

“Don’t Worry Mama”

In this before-death and after-death communication, we see that our loved ones can visit us before, AS WELL AS after their passing. 
Valley writes-
Brian“Jade, I’m not sure if my communication is ADC but rather BDC. I lost my 34 year-old son Last November. He died suddenly of a brain aneurysm. We are still reeling with shock. He was your typical young healthy active man in his prime. Two months before he died, I had the most vivid dream. I felt like he was right there talking to me. I can still remember every detail. The colors were the brightest I’d ever seen. All he said was, “Don’t worry mama, everything will be alright.”

“Do you think that was a communication?”
Continue reading