Category Archives: Adversity

Life is full of adversity. But nothing drives up adversity like the dark side of human experiences such as abuse, divorce and death, to name a few. Dealing with life’s adversity are important for human growth and development and learning to deal with them in a healthy and successful way are a vital part of acquiring a continued peaceful life.

What is it Like to Lose a Child?

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In this heart-wrenching post, Rebecca answers this unthinkable question, What is it like to lose a child? After having him for 23 years, Rebecca lost Kenny on July 6, 2012. She has been working through her grief ever since. One day last summer, she found the website, Quora, and saw, of all questions in front of her… this one. There it was… Rebecca’s invitation to share her most private and deepest thoughts and feelings with all the world. 

Quora asks: What is it like to lose a child?

Rebecca’s reply:
“This is a tough question to answer as it brings all the pain I try to push back (he’s just on a long vacation; he’s busy with work, etc., AKA denial) with as much force as I can muster, until I’m lying in bed alone with my thoughts, trying to hold on to every detail I can about him. The fear of forgetting his voice one day drives me insane.” 

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Grief: Holidays Without Them

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Oh no. Here it comes! A holiday without them. How do I deal with that? 

Holidays are supposed to be joyful; a time to gather together with loved ones to share thanks and exchange gifts of love. But what happens when the upcoming holiday only serves to remind us that someone we love is sadly missing? It’s difficult to cope. If it’s the first year we might wonder, “How different is this year going to be. How much pain am I going to feel?”

Although it might seem strange, including your loved one in your holidays can be a great way to deal head-on with the fact that things have changed. Perhaps a new tradition or ritual can be introduced, making the upcoming holiday special. For example, you might create a special program that includes all of your loved ones, including the one who is not physically present. It is a great way to deal and heal the pain of the change of losing them. This can also include a family pet. Continue reading →

Mommy’s Little Angel

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After the sudden and unexpected passing of her infant child, through a series of after-death communications, Reyna is assured her baby is happy, peaceful and in good hands.

Reyna writes:
“My infant son passed June 2015 unexpectedly. I was 7 months pregnant with his baby sister at the time. For two months, he sent me after-death communication almost every day. I think he was sending me ADC’s so often to help get me through my pregnancy.”

“About 3-4 days after his passing, he left a message for me through my Mother in her dream. He told her, “Tell my Mama to take care of my Daddy.” At the time, my child’s Father and I had been fighting. I told his Father I was going to leave him. When my Mother received the message from my son, she did not know his Father and I were fighting. I think my Son was telling me not to blame his Father for his passing, plus his Dad is a type 1 diabetic, so he wants me to stay with him and take care of him as he doesn’t take care of himself.” Continue reading →

“Durell’s Here!”

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In this series of after-death communications, 7 year-old boy, Gian, Bridgette’s dogs, Man and Lady, and Bridgette are able to experience some spirit activity from her deceased son, Durell, and possibly, other son, Tim.

Bridgette writes:
“My friend, Leslie’s 7 year-old son, Gian, spent a couple of nights with me. He knew my son, Durell, but not well. While my son was alive, he never payed him any attention. I used to wonder if Durell was jealous of my relationship with Gian.”

“Gian was at Durell’s funeral and understands that Durell died. I don’t see Gian everyday or even every week, maybe once or twice a month, but he will ask me every time that I do see him, “Your baby died, huh?” I say, “Yes he did. He’s with Jesus now.”
Gian1“Tuesday and Wednesday was first time Gian had ever spent the night. He wanted all lights out to go to sleep. After turning them off and getting in bed he said, “Turn the light back on. I’m scared, I saw a light. Durell is here!” I didn’t ask him about what he said because I had been trying to get him to sleep for a while. I don’t remember asking him about it the next morning either. His mom came over to drop clothes off the next day and I told her what Gian said. He might have heard us, I don’t know.”
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The Terrifying Last 18 Days

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Keisha shares the last terrifying days of her mother’s life and the comfort she received along the way.

Keisha writes:
“Hi jade, this is my experience with my mom. Sorry it’s so long, but it tells the whole story of the terrifying last 18 days of her life. Since I wrote this, I also have been experiencing repeating numbers such as 1:11, 11:11, 4:44 and I even unplugged my ihome and the screen was blank all except “11” blinking. When I plugged it back in it went away.”

“My mom passed away on June 29th, 2015. This is by far the worst heartache I have ever experienced. It was a long journey; 18 days in critical care, ups and downs, a complete roller coaster ride of pure hell and emotions that I have never felt in my life before. If you’ve ever been there, you will know exactly what I’m talking about.”
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Heads up! I’m here!

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Three years after Jake’s passing, Susan receives a series of after-death communications in one day, letting her know that her husband cares, is still with her and supports her in life’s tough decisions.

Susan writes:
“This morning before walking my dog, I reached for my house key and another of our home keys on a motorcycle keychain fell to the floor. My husband owned, rode and loved his motorcycle.”

“Later in the morning my home phone rang and on my TV, showed my husband’s name and our home phone number. It was just as if it was him calling our phone! I did not pick it up because I was in shock and a little spoofed.”
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The Train

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This was sent in by Pat, who recently lost her son, Dustin. I think it’s a great perspective. When you are in the deepest pain of your grief, it is hard to see that death is every bit a part of life, as life is. And, they are still living… just beyond our awareness. And one day… we will live with them again. 

The Train

Passenger_TrainAt birth we boarded the train and met our parents, and we believe they will always travel on our side.
However, at some station our parents will step down from the train, leaving us on this journey alone.

As time goes by, other people will board the train; and they will be significant i.e. our siblings, friends, children, and even the love of your life.  Many will step down and leave a permanent vacuum. Others will go so unnoticed that we don’t realize they vacated their seats.
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“Tell Laura I Love Her”

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Laura shares a variety of interesting after-death communications received from her father, Maurice, who passed away in 2013, letting her know that he is always with her… even now.

Maurice "Mo"“My Dad passed away two years ago on June 4, 2013. We have had numerous visits from him. I know it’s him. We were readying his house for rent and he visited several times. Turned lights on and off. Flipped a breaker switch once when it should have never flipped. Turned off a radio we were listening to while working in his house. It’s an actual lever that needs to be pushed down to turn it off. I have seen blue butterflies that would keep hanging around me. My Mom has Alzheimer’s and no longer speaks intelligibly and the nurses at the nursing home said that on the morning that Dad died, my Mom said out loud, “I’m never going to see you again.” I’m pretty sure he visited to her before he left.”
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Hope After Suicide

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Wendy shares about a painful time in her life; the time her mother ended her own life. Wendy was only twelve and the oldest of five children.

It was an early morning on April 16, 1975, when Wally found his beloved 31 year-old wife, Linda, dead in a pool of her own blood. He screamed, then closed and locked the bathroom door behind him, trying to hide the scene from their young five children. Frantically pacing the floor, Wally asked his daughter, Wendy, to watch the kids and not to let anyone, under any conditions, open the bathroom door. While in his pajamas, Wally ran quickly to his Bishops house down the street to get help.

Shortly, after Wally and his Bishop returned, Marjean, the Bishop’s wife, swooped up the children to take them safely to her home. Wendy was just twelve years old. She was her mother’s right arm in taking care of her ten year-old brother, Cary, seven year-old sister, Marie, four year-old brother, Drew, and her baby sister, Annie, barely one year old.

Just six months earlier, Linda had suffered cardiac arrest and had been recovering from it ever since. At first, it was easy to infer that their mother died of a heart attack, certainly it was more humane to those who could not understand. But it wasn’t too long before one of the kids, the Police chief’s son, told Wendy what really happened. “She shot herself,” Brad said authoritatively, to which Wendy angrily countered, “No, she had a heart attack!” Then, Wendy went home to find out the painful truth.
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Still Connected

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Sarah shares a recent phone call after-death communication from her father, who passed exactly 5 years to the day.

image: pixabaySarah writes:
“Last night we received a phone call from my dad who passed away exactly 5 years ago. Our television, phone, and internet are all connected through the same cable service provider. So, anytime we receive a phone call, the phone will ring and the name of the person calling will appear on TV. At 5:40 pm last night the phone started ringing and on the TV the caller ID said: call from [my dad’s name]. The odd thing was that the number that the call was coming from was our own phone number. It’s not possible to actually call our own number. I was shocked and a little frightened so I didn’t pick up the phone. I let it go to voicemail. I waited fearfully for what I might hear. Then after our greeting and the tone, there was nothing – just silence.”

“What’s extremely odd is that the day and time of his call would mark the 5 year anniversary of his death. What is also odd is that he passed away at 5:40 am. The call came in at 5:40 pm. I wish I would have picked up the phone. I was just too shocked though. I wonder if I would have actually heard his voice.”
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Going Rouge

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Chris’s transformational journey from being an addict… to his eventually  recovery. 

Chris was a nice church-going youth when he took his first drink at 18. It wouldn’t be long before he found himself in a downward spiral of substance abuse, just a few years later.

Right from the start, Chris’s father was an angry dad. Far too many times, Chris and his brother took the brunt of his anger with his bullying and physical abuse. Complaining of their aches and pains, it was common for Chris to see his parents going for the pain pills to take away their misery. But after years of neglect and abuse at the hands of his father, Chris had his own suffering to relieve.

Chris moved quickly through the drugs; trying whatever was available to him at the time. To spite his parents, he departed from the straight and narrow life they had planned for him. He was on crank by the time he was 20. He liked the speedy feeling it gave him. Sometimes, needing a quick fix that he was unable to get other places, Chris dared to sneak some of his parent’s pills, or his grandparents pills; popping Lortab and snorting Oxycontin. By the time Chris was 23, he was addicted to meth. High on meth, he would go 3 to 4 days without sleep. He took drugs because he didn’t like who he was while sober. Whatever he used, he always used it with alcohol. Time would eventually reveal that no matter what substances were involved, alcohol was his true drug of choice!
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Grief and Mourning Distinguished

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Grieving statue

Grieving statue -Photo credit: unknown

“Grief” and “mourning” are words that have been used interchangeably to mean the same thing. But, the fact is, there really is a very important difference between them.

Grief is an emotional reaction/response to loss. Grief tends to follow a common pattern of emotional states, such as shock, confusion, denial, anger, sadness, rage, depression, isolation, to name a few, and…not always in that order. If grief is experienced fully and allowed to unfold naturally, the process gradually leads one to some sort of acceptance and peace with the matter. The grief process is the brain’s way of dealing with a matter it can’t completely comprehend in the moment; so it takes time to sort through it all, be patient with yourself. If a death has been sudden or completely unexpected, comprehension is even more of a struggle, for we operate as if death is somewhere, clear out there, far off on the horizon. The truth is… we really don’t know how far or close death is to us.

Loss is not just about losing someone we love, to death. We may experience intense loss from losing a relationship, our sense of self, our job, our home, our freedom, our health, our dreams or a limb, among many other things that we hold precious and important. Whether great or small losses to us, these examples can seem like a death, that will require a certain amount of grief and mourning, to be determined by the individual who is experiencing the loss. But whatever the loss, remember to give yourself some space to heal properly. Many emotions will surface, to be explored. From my experience, feeling these emotions is much easier than trying to survive them by pushing them under. Buried emotions never rest in peace; like zombies, waiting quietly and thought dead, they will raise themselves up again at the first chance of provocation.
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Overcoming Fear- Facing Inner Demons

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Cartoon about comparing Inner Demons

Cartoon about comparing Inner Demons

They’re Ba-ack! I thought I’d already sent them packing once and for all, but apparently they didn’t listen very well. One thing is for sure; they expect you to listen perfectly to them! That’s why they come to catch you in a weak moment… and cornering you within the confines of your own head, relentlessly recite your past mistakes to you; like you somehow weren’t already aware of them! They tell you why you should or shouldn’t have done what you did, followed by a judgment… or five about it! You know, those errors you made in the past when you were young and less experienced. Or… even just yesterday, when you were unaware and didn’t consider every other possible choice than the one you did, and because you didn’t, this left you in a bad spot.

Maybe you’ve noticed them before… those critical voices in your head, that, like the mob coming to extort, yet, another payment from you, badger you, sometimes in a soft and subtle way, and sometimes in a loud and abrupt one. But either way, it all ends the same… they want you to pay for something. Even if you have already paid before, they forget… or don’t care… and come back for more! Their favorite currency is in the form of your guilt, shame and regret. So, unless you are blissfully unaware, conscience-less and don’t care, or have already learned the secret to making them stop, then… welcome to this awesome human experience! (kidding off course)

Throughout time, these disparaging voices have been referred to as, “the critical parent”, “the judge and jury”, “the committee”, or “inner demons”, just to name a few. And because they can be so damn mean, leave some convinced that these “mental tormentors” are really “outer demons”… as who would really do this to oneself?
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