Their Presence in our Lives

We may doubt at times, wondering if our departed loved ones are still with us in any way. Have faith in them, and their continued loving presence in our lives.

Karen writes:
“It has been over four years now since I have been with Marcus in physical form. Although I no longer cry tears on a daily basis, I think of him, talk to him, miss him every day, and love him all the time. Now and then, I still shed tears and the grief overwhelms me. This was the case as the holidays were coming. I miss him so much during that time. Marcus was/is an amazing gift giver, and used to spoil me around the holidays and birthdays. He did this for his entire family.”

“Since his passing on to heaven, he continues to give me signs and gifts around the holidays and birthdays – including his birthday. This year, Christmas day came and went and although I exchanged a gift with him in his stocking, I felt lonely. I was talking to him in my mind, and lamenting the fact that all of the gifts I have given him since his passing, are just really gifts to myself, hanging on a special jewelry tree stand in my room.”

“I typically give him a special ornament every year, and have quite a collection now, including hearts, feathers, dandelions, and more. Everything has a meaning or a connection to Marcus. This year, I gave him a silver heart. Usually, we would exchange gifts on Christmas eve, but this year that night was so busy that I had to postpone our exchange until Christmas night.”

“That evening, I gave him the silver heart, and wondered secretly why he had not given me anything this year that I could call a true sign. It would have been the first Christmas to come and go without an obvious sign from him since his passing. Although I understand the nature of signs, and that we can’t depend on them, my heart was missing this at this time of year.”

“I was driving the next day, the day after Christmas, and was again thinking about our gift exchange. I even apologized for being late this year and asked him if he liked his heart. I got home from my errands, and took the doggies out for our daily walk. As we were walking, I was still thinking of Marcus, and missing him. I was listening to my ‘heaven’ playlist, songs that he has sent me over the years, and it made me feel closer to him.”

Karen's Christmas Coins

Karen’s Christmas Coins

“As I approached my house again, rounding out from the walk, a sparkle caught my eye. I saw a dime right in front of my driveway, and reached down to pick it up. I looked further, and noticed another, then another, and still another- I looked around to see if maybe someone had a purse that emptied while I was out for my walk- looking for an explanation. As my eyes scanned the area, I saw more and more dimes. Now they appeared sprinkled in front of my entire front lawn. It was as if someone threw a roll of dimes in the air right in front of my house.”

 

Karen's Christmas Coins

Karen’s Christmas Coins

“Oddly, it was only dimes. No other coins…. all in all 16 dimes! I was laughing- giddy- just filled with joy at this obvious gift as I collected up the dimes. Marcus gave me the feeling of joy, as if he had gotten me with his sense of humor – making me think he had forgotten. In my mind he was saying that he was glad I found them before the snow storm set in later that day. I am so forever grateful for his continued signs and presence in my life.”

Commentary- Many people receive signs from, or feel the presence of a deceased loved one after they have passed. Some recognize the signs right away while others, who remain open to the possibility, take a little longer to see them. Some people have to be taught to recognize them. Then there are those frustrated believer grievers that don’t believe they receive anything at all. No signs, no after-death communications, no nothing. Then, they go straight to some version of, “What’s wrong with me that I don’t get them?” “Doesn’t my loved one care?”

For those in the latter category, those signs, and the feeling of their loved ones presence may already be happening, but be misinterpreted as some sort of coincidence or wishful thinking. Some may not even be aware, as the fear and trauma of a death has the ability to put one’s state of mind anywhere but in the present. I will discuss this more in one of my next posts entitled, “There’s No Place Like the Present” as it relates to grief.

In the state of grief, many people discount spiritual experiences as inauthentic, as they focus more on the painful reality of their new life. Their priority may be about dealing more with the physical shock and pain, and less about spiritually tuning in. There may be so much negative emotional trauma, it can be easy to miss their departed loved ones support through all the grief and pain. It’s like the pain is so loud in our heads, that the comfort can’t be heard or felt. This is truly a confusing time of crisis, where the upheaval of one’s life practically upends all sense of stability, perception and faith. It takes a while to recover to a state of normality and familiarity.

But, at some point, we might become aware of the comfort that has been there in the midst of the sadness. We might begin to notice the signs because we can now be reached… we are now available. We might now be able to hear a little better, as the noise of devastation settles down a bit.

Whether or not we have been aware of signs or our loved ones presence, they are there, I’m sure. But sometimes, they are very subtile and take a particular way of looking and listening that is unlike that of the looking/listening we are used to in this physical  realm.

I have received hundreds of signs from people who have lost a loved one. They are immortalized within the pages of this site, along with numerous after-death communications. Signs look like rainbows, dragonflies and other winged things, cloud projections of angels and hearts, the unexplained sudden and surprising appearance of coins, as was Karen’s experience.

There are literal signs on the road, on a billboard or a license plate. There are far too many to list here, but the thing about them being something special, is the enlightened feeling that this sign is a personal message to that one receiving it. It is the feeling of being “singled out” in an obvious and meaningful way that is hard to deny. More times than not, you absolutely know it when it happens, but still might ask yourself, “Am I going crazy?” At first you might think you are.

Often, we can feel their presence. As we listen and feel, it may come in quiet moments of reflection that often manifest as a feeling of being hugged or touched and a tingling sensation that follows. Their voice might pop into our heads, or a literal message might manifest in a show or song. You might catch a scent that is associated only to the departed. You might even briefly see them.

These simple spiritual manifestations make it possible for us to know and feel comfort that our loved ones still exist. Signs are given to show those left behind, that they are not going through this devastating time alone. Although it is exceedingly painful to go through the pain of grief, we may feel some sort of comfort and support from our departed loved one.

If you just close your eyes and take a deep breath of reassurance, it is possible to feel them next to you. No, it’s not like when they were in the physical realm, but we take what we can get, for things are different now and we must get used to it. But, do not let your brain deceive you, just because you can’t experience in the ways you always did, it doesn’t mean they ever left. It doesn’t make sense that they would leave us in our greatest time of need. Would you do that to your loved ones? Love as powerful as it is, would not be stopped by heaven or hell. There are so many signs and after-death communications, from so many people to prove it.

As far as a time frame, as it relates to their presence, contrary to what some say, it has been my experience that signs and after-death communications don’t have an expiration date. There is no expiration date that prevents them from being by our side, cheering us on on our challenging path of life. It’s been 3 years for Karen. Marcus is still around, even giving gifts and teasing her the way he always had. But as time goes on, sometimes, they’re more silent than before.

One day, not feeling much of a presence from our departed loved one, we may wonder. Have they gone somewhere? As we get further from those darkest days of our loss, it seems they frequent us less and less. This is not to be confused with the thinking that they have actually left us alone, they are just not revealing themselves in our lives. At least, this is what Christian taught me after his passing.

At some point on our grief path, it will be time to bravely step forward. One step and then another, and so on. Of course, we have the pain of our loss and miss them desperately, as we are forced to step forward into an uncertain future without their physical presence. If we are to experience the depth of our feelings as a human, learn from our losses, deal with our emotions, evolve and heal from our deepest pain and have faith in a new future, this is all part of it. This is part of experiencing life and what it is to be human.

But… this is not to say they won’t pop in periodically, and put that big smile on our face, or even make us giddy, as Karen was with Marcus’ gift of dimes. This life is our school, with many tests. There will be times that we must be left to ourselves for the hardest, most growth promoting parts of our learning. Being tested on it, we become stronger and get to know ourselves in a deeper way than ever before. Through this process called life, we are allowed to develop ourselves in deeper ways than had we not had our tough challenges.

Yes, it’s really sad that our loved ones are gone (out of sight, that is), and of course, we could never forget them, but, at some point our loved ones make themselves scarce. Although this is incredibly difficult, we need to get back to some semblance of life if we are ever to move through our grief. This is so we can deal, learn, grow & develop and heal. But this is usually a long way into the grief process.

At the beginning, we so desperately need our loved one’s support and to be reassured. These signs and after-death communications go a long way toward that end, as well as, developing for ourselves the faith in an afterlife and the promise that we will see them again. 

I love Karen’s graceful and peaceful attitude. Although she is hopeful Marcus will manifest, she is understanding, humble and calm in the case that he doesn’t. Undeniably, she if confident in the strength of their spiritual bond together, and that something as simple as physical death (also a part of life), could never break it. Karen is faithful. Karen is peaceful.

We may have doubts at times. That’s a human thing. But just remember who your loved one was on Earth, trust in their love and caring. Have some faith in them and their continued loving presence in our lives. You will be much more peaceful for it.

Blessings for a peaceful healing journey.

We Are Always Connected

Without our departed loved ones, we often feel alone. We often feel unheard. What if we are not only heard, but connected in ways that we could never be apart?

Many years ago, a few months after Christian died, I was outside crying again. It was unusually cold that day, even though it was summer. I was bundled up in a blanket while reading on the front porch. I liked sitting out there when the wind blew because the sound of the wind chimes I had placed around the porch, gave me a certain amount of comfort and peace… maybe like heaven was not so far away.

I remember thinking how cold it was. Although the weather that day was most unseasonable, it sort of matched the cold harsh dread of grief that I felt inside. When it finally got too cold for me, I went inside and started to work around the house. It wasn’t too long before I noticed that the house was particularly hot. Thinking to myself that I was not working that hard to experience that much heat, I noticed the heater was not only on, but up really high. The only thing is… that no one turned the thermostat to heat. It was previously set to air conditioner since it was summertime.

When I noticed this strange happening, and turned the heat off, I noticed that the fan was turned on as well. This does not ever happen. Christian must have heard my thoughts about being cold and tried to lighten my sad mood by letting me know he was around, doing what he could. Also, assuring that I would be warm.

Although it might seem implausible to some, I have found through the experience of others and that of my own, that our loved ones do, in fact, have a way of hearing our words and thoughts. It’s called perception through consciousness and it’s really very simple for them to be aware of us and our thoughts and feelings. Although it might seem not to be the case since their passing, we are always connected, but our physical senses so often deceive us.

If we try to understand the afterlife through the template of what we think we know about this world, we will never even begin to understand or know anything different than what we already do. When it comes to explaining things in the afterlife, I have often said that this life is like a cheap imitation to the world beyond. That place is limitless and abundant. If we don’t allow ourselves to be patiently open to the Spirit, the after-death communications of others and all spiritual things in nature, we just might miss a lot.

Sure, many times it’s easy to over-look something spiritual as a coincidence. Some people even think of a sign or after-death communication as one’s imagination. I’ve got good news for the imaginative. Just because you think you’ve imagined something, it doesn’t mean it didn’t actually happen. For the greater part, I’ve found that after-death communication’s main access occurs precisely through that sort of brain wonderment state.

Too often, our departed loved ones are the unseen force that mysteriously cause unexplainable things to happen that don’t get acknowledged enough. Christian had to somehow push both buttons in opposite directions to turn the heat on, so, as a sign, I would know he was with me.

I did believe that then. Today?

Willgard from Pixabay

Heaven – image Willgard/Pixabay

I don’t even bother to question anymore. I don’t believe in the afterlife. With the many, many after-death communications that I have received personally, I have a sure knowledge that there’s an afterlife. And now, with all my experience, as well as the experiences that others have sent my way, I don’t need wind chimes to feel close to heaven, my knowledge in the afterlife gives me more peace and comfort than I ever had before.

I also know our departed loved ones are aware enough to perceive our thoughts and feelings. They hear us. They love us, and do things for us, too. We never have to go on without them when they are with us all the time. We are always connected in some way we don’t always understand.

Many blessing for a New Year of peace, love, hope and healing!
Jade xo

The Power of Positive Perspective

We get so caught up in the situations of our lives that we forget that we have any power to change our view of it. This post is just a reminder that you can.

Chilling out

Chilling out – Image: Pixabay

In the hustle and bustle of our busy world, where it seems like time IS literally flying right by us, sometimes we forget to take a moment of peace and relaxation for ourselves. Even… if it is just to pause and breathe deeply and get centered in that one moment.

 

 

Powerful Beyond BeliefWhen we don’t have what we need in life, stress rises and we begin to worry about how we will attempt to meet our needs, sometimes it helps to reflect upon what we do have and imagine the possibility of all that we are, and all that we can do. Even… if it’s just for a moment.

 

You may be unduly surrounded by hatred and discord and you think it to be all-consuming to the point of contamination, yet, sometimes it works to boldly blast them with unexpected love and kindness as a response. Even… if you get some strange looks, it might lighten the situation.

Love is Forever

Love is Forever

Although we may feel grieved that our departed loved ones are not physically with us, sometimes it’s powerful to remind ourselves that they are with us spiritually, even if it’s just for an eternity.

Always remember this. Our life is all about perspective.  Sure, life throws at us some pretty gnarly situations to overcome, but it’s up to us- just how we will perceive these scenarios and how we will choose to proceed with that perception. Life is like a glass that can either be half empty or half full. It’s just the way you choose to look at it.

Freeing yourself

Freeing yourself – Image: Pixabay

May I suggest a practice that uses attitudes of peace, love, inspiration and gratitude as a tool? If you seek out the bright side of light and life, you will find it in the positive perspective of how you think. This power is yours to be had, at any time, and is totally up to you just how free you can be!

 

It’s About Time… (Heavenly time, that is)

The last post was of Pat’s experience with the passing of her friend, Abe. Since that short time, Pat has received an after-death communication from him.

Pat writes:
“Well…this is interesting. For 8 months my watch had stopped at 20 minutes to 4:00. My last conversation with Abe was about whether there is time in the next life. We made a pact that, whoever died first would let the other know.”

“I have not replaced the battery, hoping Abe would fix it as a sign given to me. I just looked at my watch and it now says 10 minutes to 3:00. Abe died around 3 am.”

“My watch is still not working but this makes me smile. I know this is a sign from Abe. He is letting me know he is still with us. Now, I definitely will not put a new battery in it. Every time I look at my watch, I will think of our previous conversation and this new sign from him, and smile.”

“Thank you, Abe!”

Commentary- In my last post, I Didn’t Get a Chance to say Goodbye, Pat shared her last experience with her friend, Abe, and his passing. Well, it’s hardly been two weeks since that post, which focused on departed Abe, when lo and behold, Abe comes forth to remember the promise of a pact made, since Abe was the first to cross over to the other side.

The existence of time

The existence of time

The subject of their pact was whether time, as we know it in the physical world, exists in the heavenly one as well. And not even the last part of this sentence is accurate, as some of the brightest minds in mathematics and science do not know for sure if time exists at all.

For sure, scientists have been trying to understand the nature of “time” for a long time. Given time’s invisible nature, it doesn’t help them much.  However, the more physicists study time, the more time seems to not exist, not even in this realm, although that might have not been something the average person has really given much thought to. Our world may be less solid and static than we might think.

Time is really like a fence that appears solid from a distance. You get closer and you begin to notice the many fibers that make up that fence and the many vulnerabilities. But, looking deeply into a microscope, these fibers seem to separate as our vision peers through them, giving way to the molecules and someday, the atoms from which they are made. 

The conundrum to explain time’s existence and what time is, among physicists is called, the “problem of time.” You can read more about this here.

Time may actually just be a concept to document our experiences in some way. Have you ever noticed how time can seem to go so fast, while other times, so slow. Have you ever just lost track of time? Where did it go?

Eternity NOW

Eternity NOW

In many after-death experiences, time seems to be, at the very least, distorted from our place of existence, if not timeless. Loved ones appear as their youthful selves. Many times, lucid dream visits with our departed loved ones take place in another realm with time distortion.

My point is that even the smartest of the smartest physicists and mathematicians do not understand the nature of time and can’t even say if time exists in this realm or another. Perhaps it will be possible for us to understand the nature of time in the next life, but it could remain a mystery as well. I mean, having thought we have been experiencing time up to this point, how would we explain no time?

I think what Abe was saying with his sign to Pat about her watch, was not necessarily a booming answer from the universe, (and maybe it was) but rather… that he remembers their pact together and is with her at THIS time and always.

And… Pat smiled.

I Didn’t Get a Chance to Say Goodbye

Many people don’t get the chance to say goodbye when a loved one has passed, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still say goodbye. This post explores how you can.

 

Abe

Abe

Pat writes:
Last January, I lost a good friend, Abe, at the nursing home. He was dying. I planned to go see him that Monday but my autistic son, Aaron, had a 24 hour meltdown, so that kept me busy on Skype and the phone, on the Sunday before. Aaron called me at 1:30 am on the phone Monday and I finally told group home to give him some meds so he could settle down. He went to sleep at 3 am.”

“Meanwhile, while I was trying to get back to sleep, I had a vision of Abe looking at me with his big puppy dog eyes. I could not get him out of my mind. Wondering if this was the end for Abe, I asked my departed son, Dustin, to meet him when he crossed over…and told him to bring Kenny with him. Kenny was Abe’s former room mate who passed in 2017.”

“I did not go visit Abe the next day because I was going on 3 hours of sleep, so I slept most of the day. When I did go in on Tuesday, I found out that Abe had passed away early (3 am) Tuesday morning.  I felt bad because I missed saying goodbye to him on Monday, due to no sleep.”

Crossing over

Crossing over

Commentary- Having the opportunity to say goodbye to a loved one is an important part of healing. Being able to say goodbye brings a certain amount of eventual closure to the grief process.

Many times we get that precious chance to be person to person, while we say our very last words to one another, but unfortunately, sometimes we do not. And… often times, this disappointing reality is met by feeling some version of “bad” about the fact that we were not there.

However, we shouldn’t add regret, guilt, shame and even more sadness to an, already, sorrowful situation. It’s not helpful to anyone. When a loved one passes and we didn’t get a chance to be there to say goodbye, we often start thinking in terms of should of, could of and would of, derailing everything that we actually did while our loved one was alive. Being kind and reasonable to yourself is a good way to honor your departed loved one. They wouldn’t want you to beat yourself up over it.

In situations like this, the best perspective to have is that… life is not that simple. 

As we go about the details of our day-to-day lives, which takes a certain amount of self-absorption, we have no idea what is going to happen, when and to whom. We certainly don’t know the exact time that death with come for any one of us next. It is what it is, so it’s important that we be objectively reasonable.

The amazing thing about Pat’s experience is that she did get a chance to say goodbye when Abe came to visit her. Although it wasn’t a physical one, it surely was a spiritual goodbye, which, in my opinion, is way more meaningful and miraculous. What a gift he gave his dear friend.

However, if you did not have a spiritual manifestation from a departing/departed loved one, before or after death, you can still say goodbye! There are two main ways to do this. One is super easy. The other is a little harder, but you might need this one to feel like you have actually made contact. (Both are really easy)

  1. The super easy one. Although our departed loved ones no longer have the physical ears with which to hear our words, NOW, they are empowered with consciousness in which to perceive our thoughts and feelings. Write down what there is to say to them, what you would have said if you were there in those last final moments, then simply say it to them. Out loud or in the privacy of your own thoughts.
  2. The harder one. Follow #1 but do something special in a special setting. In other words, some people do much better when they set up some sort of ritual. They tend to believe it more. Some rituals include, going to their gravesite with flowers and a poignant letter to read. Perhaps you gather special items belonging to your loved one to put on an altar of some sort, like a gravesite. This is a place to go to visit them, in your thoughts and express your thoughts and feelings.
  3. And… another bonus one. There are so many ways to say goodbye, or even not say goodbye if you’re not ready. But, I just thought of another one that is on my website called, Higher Self Communication. Higher Self Communication can be used to communicate with beings on Earth or in Heaven.

The goal here is to make it easier to deal with a loved one’s passing and the process that entails. The grief process in general, is a healing process of getting complete with one’s losses. It takes time to heal these injuries, as there are many layers to work through.

Within the larger perspective, although we never actually say goodbye to our loved ones, saying goodbye after an Earthy passing is just one way to acknowledge our loss of them in the Earthly realm, allowing us to get complete with what happened. This is what happens in our brain’s healing process and is a must if we are to move forward.

But… just because you may say goodbye in this life, it doesn’t mean you don’t say hello in the next. Love is the bond that binds us together. We are always connected.

Saying Goodbye for now

Saying Goodbye for now

Celebrity After-Death Communications

Is it possible to experience an after-death communication from an adored deceased celebrity? Why not?

Picture of Singer, David Bowie

Picture of Singer, David Bowie

Liz writes:
“I was on the sofa on my laptop and Billy, my partner, was putting a towel in the laundry when we heard a noise of something falling in our sun-room. We looked in and found the big picture we have on the wall in there, which is a sketching of David Bowie, had fallen off the wall and slipped behind the chair it sits above. It’s held up by 4 of those heavy duty sticky hooks, and has a cord which sits on the hooks.”

“I have often thought that if the hooks fail, the picture would fall and smash on the floor, that’s why we put the extra support of a couple more hooks behind it. It’s a treasured picture I bought for Billy years ago, being a big Bowie fan for years.”

“Strangely, when if fell, it must have just dropped down and slipped behind the chair, so there was no damage. In the unlikely event of all hooks failing together, you’d imagine the picture to fall forward and break on the floor, but not one of the hooks had come unstuck. All 4 hooks were firmly stuck to the wall, meaning that the cord must have snapped or broken – but it hadn’t, it was fully intact! We hung it back up.”

“How could a picture that size and weight launch itself off the 4 hooks on it’s own when nothing had come unstuck or the cord broken?”

“I have a feeling we’ve had a visit from Stevie, Billy’s friend who passed after a brain hemorrhage 2 years ago on Christmas Eve. They’d been best mates since they were in their teens, and Stevie knew how much Billy loved David Bowie … unless we’ve had a visit from David himself!
LOL!”

Commentary- I would have chalked up this after-death communication as just another visit from deceased best friend, Stevie, who knew of Billy’s love for, also deceased singer, David Bowie. However, it was Liz’s afterthought that caught my attention. 

I’ve found that so many times, afterthoughts, even those that seem to be far-fetched or said in jest, are actually something to consider as subconscious material rising to the surface. And, more than often, I’ve found subconscious material to be a clue leading to previously untapped truth.

Liz laughs, but no joke, I’ve heard this happen before. I started hearing about this early on when GriefandMourning.com first began. Although I did hear out the people who wrote to tell me about their experiences with dead celebrities back then, I might have wondered about their imaginations or wishful thinking. You know, similar to the “I was Cleopatra in another life” sort of thing. But after hearing enough of these celebrity after-death visits, I realized that just like our deceased loved ones, for whom we care so much about, beloved celebrities also fall into the mix.

It was only after learning about 1990’s pop singer, Debbie Gibson’s experience with her beloved Liberace, and the mirrored piano of his that she bought, that I began to realize this was really a thing.

Debbie received a call to be a mystery guest on a show with a Psychic Medium and wondered who he was going to even contact, but agreed to be on the show. On the way out the door she heard something fall to the floor and noticed that it was one of the mirrored parts from the piano. For some reason, she put it in her purse. 

When she got to the studio, she and the medium couldn’t see each other, as their backs were to each other. She had never heard of this medium before. When he began his reading, he stopped mid sentence to say, “I’m getting something about a piano.” Then, “Surely, you couldn’t have brought a piano with you?” “Well, actually…” and she went on to tell him that she brought a sentimental piece of a piano with her. Immediately he named Liberace and that he had a message for her. Liberace wanted her to know that he is around her and was watching over her and the piano. After that, Debbie realized his continued presence.

As people in this life may develop a meaningful relationship and affinity for a celebrity of some sort, those artists do the same for their fans as a whole. Making people smile is what they have always known and are used to. Perhaps some of them are still trying to do that. 

Although I’ve never experienced a celebrity visitation, I do believe it to be possible. After all, dead celebrities are spirits too.

And maybe this classic “picture falling off the wall” was just an after-death communication from Stevie. Maybe it was David Bowie. But, even more amazing to think about is… maybe it was both! 

My gut tells me… it was probably both! Yeah, that feels right!

 

Processing Grief Through Writing

In processing her grief over the loss of her husband, Rich, Kathy writes a book of their last and fateful trip to the Bahamas, as seen through the eyes of her cocker spaniel. 

Kathy writes:

Rich

Rich

“My husband, Rich, died 4 years ago while we were on a dream trip to the Bahamas on our Pearson 385 sailing vessel. It was to be the start of a great retirement, but our trip changed course and altered our lives forever. Rich became septic and a short 4 weeks later he was dead.”

“I had this idea in my head to write a book that chronicled our last and final trip down the west coast of Florida, the Keys, and the Bahamas. I had done a blog along the way and needed to add some more chapters and elaborate a bit on the contents. The results “CJ, BITTS, and a BOAT, An Adult Cruising Adventure.” It was published in March of 2019.”

 

CJ&Bitts Charlotte Harbor

CJ&Bitts Charlotte Harbor

“The book is written through the eyes and voice of CJ, my cocker spaniel. Bitts is her Shih Tzu sister, and of course the boat is our beloved Rikava, which was named by joining together parts of our names. The book is a dog story, a love story, and a travelogue that has humor, education, adventure, drama and tragedy.”

“First and foremost, I wanted the book to be a tribute to my wonderful Rich. Maybe I just wanted to immortalize him. I thought writing it would be cathartic, and in a way it was, but it certainly was hard to write the “Livin the Nightmare” chapter.”

 

“I truly felt like I was there on each and every entry of the blog, and it was all so very crystal clear, like it all happened just yesterday. The happy parts made me smile and the sad parts brought me right back to the reality of this nightmare. It made me shutter and wonder how I ever made it through it. Writing this showed me that I was stronger than I ever thought I was and yes, I made it through it. The Acknowledgements: gave me the opportunity to thank the multitude of family, friends, and strangers who helped me through the ordeal.”

“However, having stated all this, I never thought I would make it through the first two years of the grieving process either. I was such a mess. I swear I cried all day, each and every day. If it wasn’t for having to take care of my elderly Mom and autistic brother, I probably would not have gotten out of bed. God certainly knows what he is doing!”

“So, just like some of the rest of the grievers out there, I made it through the worst of times. I think of Rich when I wake up and before I go to bed at night. I don’t think that will ever change. However, now I do more smiling than crying, remembering his sweet soul and all the magical times we had and truly believing we will see each other again at the end of my time on Earth. And yes, I have emerged stronger than I ever thought possible.”

CJ

CJ

Commentary- I asked Kathy to share the healing process of writing her book, through the voice of her Cocker Spaniel, CJ, because I saw the tremendous value of articulating and processing grief in this very cathartic way.

In times of intense grief, the human brain is fixated in the one dimensional thinking of immediate pain, pain and more pain. It can think of nothing else. Shock and denial sets in as a form of natural anesthesia. This is the way our brain goes into survival mode in an attempt to numb us, and tamp down the full devastation of the emotional spectrum that surely will come.

With time, as we begin to process what happened and how our world has changed because of it, shock and denial fade as we begin to feel more of the full weight and consequence of our loss. And just like the feeling of anesthesia that has worn off, we begin to experience the raw pain as our new reality sets in. This is a normal part of our grief process.

In this dark unfamiliar place, we search for light. Being newly blinded, we struggle to understand what we can’t yet begin to comprehend. We try to find tools that will help us find our way out of the pit of despair in which we are now contained. We go through a confusing myriad of emotions that come, go and blend into one another. It repeats so often that we think we might not survive.

If you’ve experienced loss, all this may sound familiar, It’s a dark, lonely and devastating place. But one thing is for sure. While you are having all these thoughts and feelings, the good news is that you are on the road to begin to process them. This takes time and perspective. It also takes courage.

Writing is a deliberate way to work through the hard to face emotional blocks linked to difficult thoughts. Being able to articulate a grief process is a must, if one is to ever uncover what is actually thought and felt. Although verbal expression works too, writing is a more private option.

Using the medium of writing, through book or blog as Kathy did, is not only a great idea to face the truth of what happened, but does so in a immensely therapeutic way. This is why keeping a journal of thoughts and feelings are often recommended for the bereaved. Taking time to slow the thoughts and feelings down can be calming and peaceful. Of course it can be bittersweet, too.

Allowing CJ to tenderly tell much of the story was a brilliant way for Kathy to process her devastating loss from a multi-dimensional perspective. This is related to peripheral healing. Both she and CJ told their own story, but from different points of view. In doing so, she gave herself the opportunity to heal different layers on different levels. She told what she could tell as CJ and she told what she could tell as Kathy. 

Articulating thoughts by spoken or written word, can help to isolate the cause of particular emotions. Sometimes, it just important to know what your dealing with. Poetry is great for this and can really capture your painful world in a very deep, dramatic and creative way.

There are very good reasons for writing down your thoughts and feelings. It is possible to discover that certain painful thought-producing emotions are not even real. If you don’t consciously monitor your thoughts on a regular basis, you may have some false ones. For example. It might be something you unconsciously once heard and integrated, without any thought about it. Maybe you didn’t even know the thought was there.

When you really start to listen to your thoughts, you find they are very active. They say all sorts of things. Some things are true and some are not. Some are good and some are just plain, unfair. If you pay attention to them, you will become conscious of what is dictating your experience. Discovering your thoughts, speaking or writing about the pain of those thoughts can shed light into even the darkest of regions, thereby causing light and truth to be your healer. 

Rich

Rich

Although Kathy still misses Rich today, she has come a long way. Dealing with her loss in this profound way, she has done the hard work. She has fully processed her most painful experiences in a very creative way. Having been forged in the Refiner’s flame, she will never be the same. She is stronger and more valiant than ever before. And Rich smiles, as he muses at the absolute magnificence of the woman he still loves. 

You know what they say. “Life is short.” But… without as much as missing a beat, someday, Rich and Kathy will reunite. Their adventure will continue, doing what they love, together, they will sail the heavenly seas again with their furry friends. And this time, their voyage won’t be cut short.

For those interested in Kathy and CJ’s book adventure together, you can find it here- Amazon.comBarnesandNoble.com, and BookVenture.com.

“It is a testament to the human capacity for resilience and survival, to create memories and honor those memories that have been created. It is a lovely memoir of one’s travels through life”.
-Reviewer from “The US Review of Books”.

All proceeds go toward animal welfare.

Our Angels Watch Over Us

Cat experiences several after-death communications for a variety of reasons, but mainly to urgently warn of impending hereditary heart disease in the family.

Catherine writes:
“In 2017, my fiancee, Robert, died in my car in a tragic accident, after which I got several very clear after-death communications.” Continue reading

Rising Above It All- The Power of Perspective

Rising Above it All- A powerful but simple tool of perception designed to give one clarity, direction, freedom and peace of mind. 

Have you ever been stuck in a hazy fog of non-clarity that is so thick that you can’t see the best way to proceed? Have you ever struggled for understanding and wisdom? Continue reading

Survivor’s Guilt (Part Three)

In part one, Survivor’s Guilt was defined, common symptoms were discussed as well as a few examples. In Survivor’s Guilt part two, we took a closer look into the mechanics and dynamics of Survivor’s Guilt and what causes humans to become so deeply psychologically affected, along with new ways to think about it. Continue reading

The Serenity Prayer as a Tool

“God grant me the Serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.”

The Serenity Prayer was originally written by theologian, Reinhold Niebuhr, in the early 1930’s. This first verse captured the message Alcoholics Anonymous found helpful to adopt, it continues to be used to this very day as a familiar source of empowerment. Continue reading

Thought Perception

In this after-death communication, Ken receives help from his departed loved one, Jon, while making a batch of cookies.

Ken writes:
I have been feeling Jon near me lately. Funny thing is, I was getting out ingredients from a cabinet to bake cookies. I kept digging around for the brown sugar. I couldn’t remember if I used it all or put it somewhere else, so I decided to bake another kind. Continue reading

A Promise to Heal

While deep in grief over the loss of her beloved partner, Marcus, Karen receives a sign of hope in the form of a dream that shows her a brighter future. 

Karen writes:
“Many times, I just want to go to the spirit world because I miss my loved one so much. Of course, since I have two sons, I feel very guilty about even thinking this. I don’t have any suicidal tendencies or plans, but I will talk to God and say, “I am ready anytime” or… I simply relish in the fact that every day is a day closer to getting to go to heaven. I love my family and my life, but as you know, it is just that painful of a loss to lose a soulmate.” Continue reading