My name is jade.
How I came to have this website/blog was most unexpected.
A few days before Thanksgiving of 2011, I was having a phone conversation with my adult son, Chris, who lives in another state. I was discussing the challenges I was facing with writing my very first book, which is a current work in progress. I explained that my story is complex, so the compilation of it is difficult since it contains copious amounts of detailed information that has been given to me with regards to some of my more intensely profound spiritual/human experiences. These experiences that I call “Holy Moments” have spanned over the last four plus years of my book, but have actually been an occurrence throughout my whole life. If you have had them, you know what I’m taking about.
At best, taking on this writing assignment has been a huge undertaking, especially being a novice in the field. But interestingly enough, despite my continual inner resistance, I’m clear that writing this book is a part of my soul’s purpose and mission that I cannot ignore.
In my book, the story begins in 2007 with an astonishing out-of-body event, a “Holy Moment” that caused me to question everything previously known to me about God, reality and myself. I mean…this was an awakening- to say the least, as it encompassed every area of my existence! (Eventually, underneath all of the conceptual rubble, emerged my very own interpretation of God. What I’m taking about is really a big deal to me. It is my undeniably direct and unadulterated connection and personal relationship with the Source of my being. What came from that was the clarity of my reality and myself!)
But… from the moment I began my awakening, I have felt completely compelled to share my story, no matter how awkward or difficult it seemed to be. Then… there’s just finding the best and most accurate ways to capture these experiences with words so they could be re-experienced purely by the reader. This is my current process. I can see that this story contains useful and valuable information for anyone who happens to be a human at the time. So I press on to share them.
My book is a story that follows my journey through these last four plus years. It is taken from excerpts of my journal back then until the present time as I go through this huge, unraveling process called the “Ascension Process.” In the story I am as Alice, going down the rabbit hole of the human experience. In the darkness beneath the surface, I courageously, and sometimes not so courageously explore every unbearable nook and cranny of that metaphorical underground tunnel system of the human psyche, but more notably and to the point, my deepest fears.
Although there were many rough patches on my path within the rabbit hole, nothing could compare or prepare me for the day I came to the biggest dragon of all. Sleeping quietly down there in the deep darkness…to be awakened, and as a result, wake me further and dredge me deeper into my process. This dragon turned out to be my worst nightmare of all…the unexpected and sudden death of my loved one, Christian, and the aftermath that followed.
What followed the hell I suddenly found myself in? In one moment, my world was gone, my life had ended and I began to experience intense fear, loss, depression and isolation, as I came to experience being one of the living dead.
The pain, so intense, teetered the edge between barely bearable and unbearable. I wanted to die, and my biggest fear was that I wouldn’t. For months I lived in this space, isolated…. neither in Heaven, nor in life itself. If there was really a hell, I knew this was it. If this sounds dramatic to you, then you haven’t sunk to the depths of this experience just yet.
Recalling these painful and raw feelings of helplessness and hopelessness after Christian’s death, one of the things that began to emerge was my desire to be of service. I remembered asking God to please allow me to be an effective bridge or a channel for those who have lost their way and are suffering in such despair and pain, so that they find their new path and purpose. Pleading with God, I reasoned – if I could do this, I could find courage to stay, noticing that a deeper part of me desired a noble purpose to give the balance of my life to.
You see, at the time of Christian’s death, it was difficult to find anything or anyone that could help with the pain I was experiencing. It was frustrating and the lack of relief only served to amplify my feelings of isolation. I made many attempts to find comfort through the paths that had once worked before when I had become upset and needed help, but this time all that I once knew – failed me. I had reached a deeper level of pain than I had ever felt before. I knew my soul was calling on me to face my greatest fear, with all its pain. My task now was to deal with it by looking it squarely in the eyes, without trying to resist or avoid in some manner.
Then, one day while in my deepest pain, I accidentally stumbled onto something that made a huge difference in relieving the torment I was feeling. It completely involved going inside to face the Dragons. Note: You can see this post at the Overcoming Fear – Facing Inner Demons link.
Then, other ways came too, that I write about. With responsibility and practice, the surging pain began to diminish rapidly and I came to experientially realize something that I never could conceptually understand before. Being a “serial sufferer” throughout my life, this was a huge breakthrough for me! With experiencing these breakthroughs, came the desire to assist others with my story, experiences, poems, insights, inspirations, thoughts, songs, ideas and whatever else comes to me at the time.
Although my four-year journey has been intensely painful at times, I realize I probably would have never gotten to some of those deep and hard to reach crevices of my underworld, without going through those things I did. In my pain and suffering, I was finally forced enough to find my way to the light of freedom and newfound peace. It is because of my own experience, I know, that emotional and mental suffering has now become optional for me. Before, I could not say this, nor did I believe it.
While sharing this with my son, Chris, the main message and purpose of my book, I said, was to face the dragons and deal squarely with the fears within the human experience.
Then, remembering that old inspiration that re-hit me just a few days before our conversation, I said, “If I could make any positive difference in this world, what inspires me most is to assist people in getting beyond their pain and fear, especially dealing with death. To me, that would be a life worth having!”
After listening to me for a bit, Chris says, “You ought to be writing about your message. You could help a lot of people.” I responded with acquiescence, but had no real intentions to follow through.
An hour later, I answer the phone to find that Chris has already secured for me, the web address, griefandmourning.com. “It’s here, regardless of whether you chose to do anything with it or not.” he tells me.
A few days later, I receive a text from Chris who gives me a username and password for my new website! Hence, my new blog/website is born from Chris’s complete vote of confidence!
Being the private person that I am, by nature, it is inconceivable to me that I would be putting my thoughts out into the world for all to see. These are not steps I would have taken on without the promptings of an outside force. But my son, now….a motivational coach, knows you cannot become your greatest self and achieve your greatest dreams without stepping out of your comfort zone.
Besides, it makes sense. After all, I am writing a book where I will have to display my most personal self. It is just as well for me to get used to it.
In a personal and professional realm, I’m no stranger to assisting those with pain and suffering, after all, I’ve been doing it for over 20 years, as a massage therapist, hypnotist, spiritual advisor, mentor and coach in my local private practice. I am, however, a complete stranger to writing blogs/articles and website management! So, I ask for your patience while I, not only learn to navigate this new endeavor, but get used to sharing myself publicly.
If you have any ideas that would make a positive difference for all who might find this site, please let me know. I would appreciate your contribution! Your questions and comments are always welcome.
So here I am. This is how griefandmourning.com came into being.
I don’t know how this will develop, but I am willing to go into the complete unknown to see how it unfolds.
I am here to assist!